Struggling with relationship *maybe sensitive*

LEJC

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

If he's not a big fan of children, how does he get on with your daughter, that's so important.

Thats a really good point to think about....could it be that he's frightened of the responsiblity of his own child with you...and therefore thats a reason for his lack of desire....

In honesty i guess he gets on well with your daughter...and for want of a better phrase "treats her like his own"....but maybe the fact that you already had a child when you met possibly took the pressure of him a little...

candygirl

Lotus-eater wrote: »

No..... but I'm happy for anyone to come round and try on me Not that you'd need to bring any of the above.......... I have a trade credit account with lovehoney :rotfl:

:think::think::think::whistle::shhh::silenced:

jtr2803

Trying to catch up....

Yes OH is very good with my not so little one, we don't have her full time at home with us but she loves him and he treats her as well as I could hope so couldn't ask for more in that respect. I also wondered if the possibility of me falling pregnant was making him worry and not want sex (which is one of the reasons I had another coil put in this summer), I've asked him outright as I have no doubt the idea of us having a baby would make him anxious (watching one born every minute almost made him have kittens and he admitted he would struggle to cope if I was going through that) but I've asked and he says that's not it either!!!!!!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!???!?!?!?!??!?!?

LEJC - I saw your comment about compromises, maybe I am just clutching at straws and hoping there is one but maybe there isn't.

Lotus-eater - I don't really get why his friends think we have loads of sex, if he really had no drive surely he wouldn't even think to mention it? He did recall a story from college a few months back and he said he admitted to a friend there that we rarely have sex and that's his choice. This is what's making me think it's psychological, ie, it's being repressed rather than it not being there to begin with.

Make-it-3. Sorry, the sex issue is the main issue, I am just dragging the long term issue into it because I am doubting myself and our compatibility. I certain don't expect kisses and cuddles to always lead to more but I hug and kiss my friends...I'm not in a relationship with them though, do you see what I mean?

LEJC

OK...how about shifting the contraception issue from you and your coil to him having a snip...if its not an issue for you not to have any more children perhaps him knowing that there would be very little possiblilty of getting you pregnant might make him a bit more receptive

candygirl

LEJC wrote: »

OK...how about shifting the contraception issue from you and your coil to him having a snip...if its not an issue for you not to have any more children perhaps him knowing that there would be very little possiblilty of getting you pregnant might make him a bit more receptive

I really don't think it's about kids or not wanting them, just a lack of drive IYSWIM:D

Amyrose

Some people just have a low sex drive. The fact that you are confronting him about this could be putting pressure on him and making it even more difficult for him to perform.

Sounds like you would make great flat mates. Unfortunately it also sounds like the sexual compatibility just isn't there. And yes sex is important in a happy and healthy relationship. And you are perfectly within your rights to expect just that.

Try to discover what his fantasies are and perhaps create some fun around that. Encourage him to tell you. It may be something he's a bit embarrassed to disclose so give lots of reassurance and let him know you love him.

If he doesn't have any, you should sign him up for the Guinness book of records.

LEJC

candygirl wrote: »

I really don't think it's about kids or not wanting them, just a lack of drive IYSWIM:D

If you dont want something to happen then that can usually influence your lack of drive

Lotus-eater

LEJC wrote: »

If you dont want something to happen then that can usually influence your lack of drive

Yes, but he's been that way with his previous GF's too, I don't think it's a recent problem that can be easily fixed.

gonzo127

candygirl wrote: »

I really don't think it's about kids or not wanting them, just a lack of drive IYSWIM:D

i agree with this in the most, it might have some psychological aspects however it does just appear that hes just got very little drive

realistically if we did spin this around so for example i was to come on here and say

i really love my wife blar blar blar

however she just doesnt seem to want sex with me, and seems happy to have sex only once a month or once every 2 months yet i really want it everyday.
i have tried massage, romantic meals etc etc which are nice but she just doesnt want to take it to the next level. how can i get her to want sex more?

what would you response to that be?

LEJC

It was just a suggestion for the OP to think about....the way I see it is that she has gone into a relationship with a child and her man clearly loves her and she him....he could well be one of these people who just doesnt want or is frightened of the responsibilty of children....and also sees it as a painful experience to put the woman he loves through...the OP has already earlier said he made a comment about watching childbirth...
Ther may even have been some comments about his own parents relationship which have conditioned him to a mindset of not wanting to put his children though similar situations he may have gone through whilst growing up and he worries about how having a child would even change the relationship he has with the OP...clearly affection is not a problem to him ...but then again ive never seen a baby conceived via kissing only...hence the suggestion that he's stopping just short of a child.

If he feels that he is totally in control of contraception then it may lead to him feel...whats the word i'm looking for....
I know low drive is caused by many factors but as its happened with other girlfriends too ...it does appear as if its more of a very longterm problem with him.

If your hearts not in something youre never going to produce your best...but if all the obsticles are removed to you doing something then it might make it easier for you!