Struggling with relationship *maybe sensitive*

Amyrose

I believe there must be a psychological reason for ‘low sex drive’. Let’s face it, it’s not the norm. We are meant to copulate and populate the planet. I think he has issues and is either in denial or is refusing to face the truth. That’s not to say he’s at fault. He might just have stuff from his past that he is not prepared to deal with.

jtr2803

Thank you all for your suggestions and for the PM's that I have recieved with support.

Odette - You actually aren't the first person who has suggested that so I certainly won't be flaming you. I gave it some thought but I don't just want sex with anyone, I really want it with him, he is the person that I love, fancy and adore. I used to really frown on people who had affairs and cited lack of sex as the reason but while I still don't agree with it, I can see how it happens.

*max* - his very first girlfriend and him were each others first partner so she definitely didn't have any gay tendencies before they got together although I know he was aware of his previous partners bi sexuality. The fact he often mentions me running off with a woman indicates it's something he fears but all I can so is reassure him that it isn't in my plans!

ktb - thanks for your understanding. I have asked him if he will go to the Dr and just get himself checked out, he said he would but hasn't and I haven't pressed the issue. I have days where I think I can live with things the way they are but suddenly it really hits home and I start doubting whether I can love like this long term. That's what happened yesterday.

The Rizler - OMG, twice in two years, and I thought I had it bad . Without sounding like a bit of a hussy, in my early 20's I had a lot of purely sexual relationships and a couple of one night stands but that isn't really what I want now, sex is so much better when it is with someone you really love. I hope we can get through it and I have really done my best to make it clear to him that he is the one I want and the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I am more than happy to go to counselling and know it's something we need to work at together, I just hope he feels the same way.

Whilst I am not aware that he may be a closet gay or maybe did suffere abuse as a child, I obviously don't know for sure either way. All I can do is work on what I do know. Today is a rough day and I feel like I want to go just go away somewhere on my own for a few days and try to gain some composure because I am a bit of an emotional wreck. I think he is aware of how I am feeling because he has been overly affectionare and loving towards me which is actually really annoying me

j.e.j.

jtr2803 wrote: »

Without sounding like a bit of a hussy, in my early 20's I had a lot of purely sexual relationships and a couple of one night stands but that isn't really what I want now, sex is so much better when it is with someone you really love.

Without casting judgements on either of you, it does sound like you two are at opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to sexual relationships, (By that I mean you seem more confident and outgoing, he perhaps more anxious and sensitive?) and I imagine it'll take a lot of work on both sides to make things work. I do hope you can come to some sort of compromise but both sides need to be willing to do so..

Valli

Given that the first issue you had is causing such major problems I would strongly suggest you go to counselling. Both of you. A relationship is a 3D 'thing' if you get my meaning, and if one part of it isn't *right* that will impact on other areas, as you are finding out. Maybe if he won't go to counselling you should try on your own - becaus eit might well help clarify what's important to you - and help you come to a decision. Because it won't get better on its own.

milliemonster

jtr, I haven't read through the whole thread but wanted to give you some feedback from the other side so to speak, I am married and have a low sex drive, polar opposite to my hubby who would be at it all day every day if he could!!, but I have always been this way and we have just learned to make it work. We have been together 16 years now and adore each other, I love him to bits, he is my best friend and my soul mate and the feelings you feel for your partner you expressed in your first post are how i feel about my hubby, it's not that I don't enjoy sex, I just don't see it as that important in my life, I never have, i don't feel there is anything wrong with me, I'm not a closet lesbian, or have psychological issues stemming from my past, I just don't feel I need that level of intimacy on a constant basis, but i accept my hubby does and that others do.

My hubby has come to terms with our sex life and makes the most of it when we do, which is probably about once a month, sometimes it can be two or three months, i know he has never cheated or has been tempted to cheat, ever, as we have discussed this at length over the years and he tells me he doesn't want sex with anyone else, he just wants me and he accepts that i just have a much lower drive than him.

I don't know what I'm trying to say, i guess just that it maybe that there is absolutely nothing wrong in the way your partner feels about you or anything wrong that is making him have a low sex drive, it may be just how he is and you both have to learn to adjust to that, if you can. I could never imagine being without my hubby, I still fancy him like mad, but i just don't need sex that regularly, it doesn't mean i don't love him any less.

Kay_Peel

milliemonster wrote: »

jtr,
My hubby has come to terms with our sex life and makes the most of it when we do, which is probably about once a month, sometimes it can be two or three months,
..... it may be just how he is and you both have to learn to adjust to that, if you can.

You've been brave to open up about your low sex drive, millie, but I wouldn't be comforted by your words: in fact I'd be thoroughly depessed and left without hope. Your hubby has had to adjust and reign in his own sex drive - it makes me wonder what his view of this situation would be.

Amyrose

Looks like you may have a case.


Frenchwoman sues EX for lack of Sex

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3509125

candygirl

Kay_Peel wrote: »

You've been brave to open up about your low sex drive, millie, but I wouldn't be comforted by your words: in fact I'd be thoroughly depessed and left without hope. Your hubby has had to adjust and reign in his own sex drive - it makes me wonder what his view of this situation would be.

Exactly!!!once every 3 months is a joke!!!!I clean my windows more than that, even though I hate doing it:eek::eek::eek:Mainly because i'm capable of it, and it needs to be done:D:D

victory

milliemonster wrote: »

it's not that I don't enjoy sex, I just don't see it as that important in my life, I never have,

Your husband will do though.

My hubby has come to terms with our sex life and makes the most of it when we do, which is probably about once a month, sometimes it can be two or three months,

He has had to come to terms with it, not wanting to, having to.

, I still fancy him like mad, but i just don't need sex that regularly, it doesn't mean i don't love him any less.

Surely if you fancy him like mad, that leads to wanting to see him naked, with all his clothes off, which leads to.....?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

My opinion, is at best: Gay and in denial. Looking for a mother/virgin and 'legitimacy' rather than a relationship. Obsessed with people 'turning gay' - ie, the comments about you. Not able to perform with any female.


At worst: cheating. Being on the road is ideal for encounters of any gender, whether consensual/free or via business transaction. You provide physical comfort, companionship, a friend to talk to - they provide what he really, really wants - whether it be 'plain' sex or whether he has some more specialised tastes that he isn't prepared to share with you - perhaps because a female doesn't feature in them, or because what he actually likes isn't something mainstream.


Midrange: He has particular likes that he can't/won't share but isn't actually actively pursuing them.

(I think an example is in The Sopranos when he is questioned about needing a mistress rather than having his needs met by his wife, and he says something like 'she kisses my kids with that mouth'). But I'm actually referring to more specialised tastes than that.




And the ridiculous: He's a serial killer/other offender. Is he on the road whenever there are reports of crimes? Is he incredibly secretive about his computer? Does he have another computer that is never in the house, but is in his vehicle instead?