Struggling with relationship *maybe sensitive*

gorgeous_gwen

He has some kind of issue, let's face it, a guy of his age shouldn't have no desire at all. It could well be low testosterone, it might be depression, it might be one of any number of things. But what is telling is the fact you both have known this for three years yet he has done nothing at all about it.

He seems very passive, it's astounding that he'd rather sit back and speculate that he'd understand that you might leave him etc etc yet he wouldn't do something as simple as actually go to the doctors and get his hormone levels checked as a starting point.

There might be reasons for this. But at the end of the day you are in a long-term relationship and you want to get married. People don't get married to have NO sex do they? Part of that is the understanding that you will each take care of the other's sexual needs, exclusively.

To be honest I think an ultimatum might be the best course of action. Tell him you want him to take steps to get to the root of the problem (be specific) or you do not feel you can continue in what is essentially a sexless relationship. It is a perfectly reasonable request. What he chooses to do about that is his call and you take the risk he may not want to do anything about it.

candygirl

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

My opinion, is at best: Gay and in denial. Looking for a mother/virgin and 'legitimacy' rather than a relationship. Obsessed with people 'turning gay' - ie, the comments about you. Not able to perform with any female.


At worst: cheating. Being on the road is ideal for encounters of any gender, whether consensual/free or via business transaction. You provide physical comfort, companionship, a friend to talk to - they provide what he really, really wants - whether it be 'plain' sex or whether he has some more specialised tastes that he isn't prepared to share with you - perhaps because a female doesn't feature in them, or because what he actually likes isn't something mainstream.


Midrange: He has particular likes that he can't/won't share but isn't actually actively pursuing them.

(I think an example is in The Sopranos when he is questioned about needing a mistress rather than having his needs met by his wife, and he says something like 'she kisses my kids with that mouth'). But I'm actually referring to more specialised tastes than that.




And the ridiculous: He's a serial killer/other offender. Is he on the road whenever there are reports of crimes? Is he incredibly secretive about his computer? Does he have another computer that is never in the house, but is in his vehicle instead?

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

My OH is coming home after working away for a week tomoz, if he's not up for it i'll slap him with a wet fish!!!!:)

jtr2803

Lots of food for thought in the last few posts.

Millie, thanks for sharing your POV, I can see it's caused some controversy but I appreciate the point you are making. I don't think I could cope with sex only once every couple of months, for me it's the emotions that lack of desire for me also brings that are part of the problem.

Victory, that's exactly how I feel, I love him, I fancy him and surely it's only natural I want to jump on him!!

JoJo (great name btw - also my nickname!) - I get the Sopranos bit! I've tried to get him to open up about what he likes but he either can't or won't. I'd like to think there isn't much he could suggest that would shock me but unless he tells me I can't partake (or run a mile....depends what it is). As for being gay, maybe he is and he can't admit it, I can't say there is anything he does/doesn't do that gives me any indication but as we've seen in various publicised relationships, people can live a lie for years.

Absolutely no secrets between us, I know all his passwords, he never hides his phone from me and while I can't say 100% he isn't cheating I really don't think he is. I did love your ridiculous post though.....I wish you knew my other half because you'd understand why I found it amusing. I'll start watching crimewatch just in case :cool:

aggypanthus

have you googled reasons for low non existent sex drive?

candygirl

The Mr Boring I went out with last year didn't even like BJ's:eek::eek::eek:Truly weird and frigid:eek::eek::eek:

candygirl

aggypanthus wrote: »

have you googled reasons for low non existent sex drive?

http://www.ehow.com/about_5285278_reasons-low-libido-men.html

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

candygirl wrote: »

The Mr Boring I went out with last year didn't even like BJ's:eek::eek::eek:Truly weird and frigid:eek::eek::eek:

Dated someone like that briefly. Turned out he was impotent and relied upon Viagra. Never told me, but I spotted the packing in the bathroom bin.

candygirl

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Dated someone like that briefly. Turned out he was impotent and relied upon Viagra. Never told me, but I spotted the packing in the bathroom bin.

OMG lucky escape for us two then:D;)

elaine12022

Haven't read through all the thread, but i was intrigued by your first thread where you talk about quantity rather than quality. Do you feel he doesn't love you if you don't have sex?

Anyway, this is a website which promotes a different kind of intimacy - i have an older version of the book on the site which has some exercises to do together which are very effective in building closeness. I suggest this as the idea is to build up to intercourse very slowly therefore might help as would take the pressure off your partner.

https://www.reuniting.info

mikeandrach_2

i get there is an issue here etc etc ok, but as a male i find these replies interesting. if a male had mase the original comments, i cant help thinking the replies would have been very different......................................... or am i being cynical?