Struggling with relationship *maybe sensitive*

Errata

If that's how he was in a previous relationship and it's the same with you then perhaps that's his norm, and there's nothing wrong with that.
If you want to marry him, propose to him.

crazyguy

onlyroz wrote: »

Have you suggested that he tries asking the doctor for some of those magical little blue pills?

The problem with these as said by Lotus is that they are primarly used when you have a issue down below and if this had have been a short term thing then you could say its maybe stress/money worries or the likes but seeing as it is an ongoing issue then Viagra will not solve this problem.

A visit to the docs to be refered to a specialist maybe, but he needs to be willing to do this and from the way I have read the post this wont happen.

2 choices, put up with a rather poor sex life or move on.

timeou

Yup, you could be talking about my OH!

We have been married 9 years with 2 kids and he has always been the same. (with an ex too)

I used to find it very, very difficult in the early days but once the children came along I kinda was glad that he wasn't the 'pestering' type!

I am thankful that he's a brilliant hubby, excellent with the kids, helpful around the house - I have just accepted he has a very low drive!

It still stings now and again when he's obviously not interested but I'm confident enough in my own self that i'm attractive to the opposite sex and that the problem is not with me.

I'll get a bi upset now and again if we've gone a particularly long time and then he'll make the effort but we also tend to slip back into not bothering.

There's lots, lots more to a good hubby than sex x

jtr2803

Thank you all again.

Busiscoming, thank you for the link, shame they are so far away but it is something to think about for sure.

I am convinced there is something psychological going on, his very first girlfriend physcially attacked him a couple of times because he wouldn't sleep with her (because they were on the sofa at his brothers house) and she then left him for a woman, can't imagine that does much for a guys esteem. His last partner also decided to move a woman in as he was leaving (she had previously had relationships with other women) so I guess twice in a row must hit quite hard.

He loves affection and actively seeks it so it's not closeness that he doesn't like. He seems to 'forget' that he enjoys sex, I normally find if we actually get round to it, he will be up for it again in a day or two then it all stops.

I have tried not to put any pressure on him in case it was making him anxious but then I get absolutely nothing, have also tried just outright asking for it, which is a little degrading at times.

I don't think he is depressed, he has no money worries but he does put the world on his shoulders, he can be worried about absolutely anything and everything that is going on in the world and I know that affects his mood but I can't seem to stop him from being like that.

I am sure I am part of the problem as I have stopped making advances for fear of being rejected or putting pressure on him to perform. I thought maybe letting him take the lead would help him relax but I reckon if I didn't mention it then we would probably never have sex again.

He wasn't like this to start with but when things started going downhill they went downhill rapidly.

gratefulforhelp_2

Was it ok at first?

While I accept that it may just be low drive I have two questions.

Might he be gay? Might there be someone else?

Sorry to ask.

jtr2803

timeou wrote: »

Yup, you could be talking about my OH!

We have been married 9 years with 2 kids and he has always been the same. (with an ex too)

I used to find it very, very difficult in the early days but once the children came along I kinda was glad that he wasn't the 'pestering' type!

I am thankful that he's a brilliant hubby, excellent with the kids, helpful around the house - I have just accepted he has a very low drive!

It still stings now and again when he's obviously not interested but I'm confident enough in my own self that i'm attractive to the opposite sex and that the problem is not with me.

I'll get a bi upset now and again if we've gone a particularly long time and then he'll make the effort but we also tend to slip back into not bothering.

There's lots, lots more to a good hubby than sex x

I realised a while ago that men with low sex drives were more common than I thought, I just hadn't come across one before! Thank you for sharing.

I totally agree there is more to being a good partner than just what happens in the bedroom (or elsewhere for that matter....) but I think this issue is making me question everything. I don't really think children are on our agenda which is probably a good things cos I can't see how I would ever get pregnant!

victory

So one question comes to mind, is he scared of sex?

Has he been put off by a comment, a quip, a lack of performance by a previous girlfriend or yourself?

Has he read in the papers or watched on the tele or seen a !!!!!! film something that bothered him to do with sex?

Does he lack self confidence?

Does he feel inadequate?

Does he actually wish for more but does not know how to express it?

jtr2803

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

Was it ok at first?

While I accept that it may just be low drive I have two questions.

Might he be gay? Might there be someone else?

Sorry to ask.

Don't be sorry, actually it made me chuckle which is the first time I have today!

I am 99.9% confident he isn't gay (but I did chuckle at the thought!).

I am also convinced there isn't anyone else, we are together most of the time when not at work so unless he is squeezing them in while out on the road for work then I don't think so. He also just isn't THAT sort of person, I hope you know what I mean. He has only ever had 3 serious relationships, no one night stands or anything and has quite high morals so while I obviously can't rule it out I don't think it is likely.

Errata

Sounds like it's time for the conversation that goes 'Look mate, I think you have a very serious problem in the bedroom department. I may be wrong, but something's wrong and I want US to sort it out because I can't live this way. What are WE going to do about it ?'

VfM4meplse

Is it really about the sex? From the OP I don't think your OH is right for you, which is not to say that he's not got good qualities or that you don't love him. The question is when you will come to that realisation, sooner or later.

ETA

jtr2803 wrote: »

He has only ever had 3 serious relationships, no one night stands or anything and has quite high morals

Bear in mind that true gentlemen are hard to find, it doesn't seem quite what you want though.