Struggling with relationship *maybe sensitive*

gonzo127

jtr2803 wrote: »

So many replies, I will try and catch up with them all as I can but Gonzo, you are right, he doesnt DIY at all.

i would guess that it is just a case of very low sex drive, and unfortunatly there is nothing you will be able to do to change this (sorry), i think there was a post over on DT which had the question about how often people had sex, and it did range from every day to every other month so its not abnormal for someone to have a low drive,

bargainbunny

Hi op,
seems its not just the sex but the intimacey that is the issue
dont think you can change that.
If he really wanted to work this out then surely he would agree to some
counselling.. he is not really beeing fair to you and if he was like this before you then he knows its his issue.

Talk to him and try find out what he is willing to do and if he thinks its a problem.

At least the tools work..I had one where they didnt work and he would do nothing about it..so i moved on, to me sex is very important

jtr2803

Thank you for all the replies, a few people have asked 'Can I live with it?'...that's something I ask myself all the time and the answer is that I don't know. I've tried to live with it and push it to the back of my mind because I don't believe that sex is the be all and end all in a relationship but intimacy in whatever form is important to me. I know he is not cheating on me and I know that it doesn't seem to be anything I am/am not doing that is causing it.

I go through these emotions a few times a year and today is down to the fact that he called me at work yesterday and basically promised me some but then did nothing when I got home. Last week he told me that he wouldn't be surprised if I was seeing someone else because he knows he doesn't really look after me in that way.

The hard part is that apart from this issue he is very good to me, don't get me wrong we have our moments like most people but he buys me flowes, cooks me dinner, calls me to tell me he loves me, shows me lots of affection - cuddles, kisses, back rubs etc but just not sex!

busiscoming2

Just he enjoy just kissing and cuddling? if that isn't happening either then I would say there is more of a problem than a non existent libido. Has he seen his GP just to rule out a hormone problem? That said if he is able to perform then he is able to get aroused, so without prying too much is this attained quite easily?

Perhaps a pyschosexual (sp) councillor (think you can access them via Relate) could be an option?

Found a link: http://www.relatesandh.org.uk/psychosexual.html

Kay_Peel

As long as the parts are working and it's just his drive/desire/inclination that is lacking then there is a solution.

Mark some dates on a calendar and tell him that you will be making love on those dates. It's the minimum that you expect and deserve. Any loving and sensitive man would try to accommodate your needs and see the sense in maintaining a healthy sexual regime.

If he can't face it, even with plenty of notice, then you'll know what your future will look like. Except that it will get worse, probably.

onlyroz

Have you suggested that he tries asking the doctor for some of those magical little blue pills?

Lotus-eater

Kay_Peel wrote: »

As long as the parts are working and it's just his drive/desire/inclination that is lacking then there is a solution.

Mark some dates on a calendar and tell him that you will be making love on those dates.

In all honesty, I can't think of anything that would make it worse. He'll be pressurised and he'll feel even worse about it.
The only thing to do in my mind, is to try to make him interested in some way. Talk and find out his fantasies.

onlyroz wrote: »

Have you suggested that he tries asking the doctor for some of those magical little blue pills?

That's not the problem, they just work your body, not your brain.

Darlyd

OP your not alone!!

I am reading this thread with great interest.

CRANKY40

No ambition, no get up and go, anxiety, not good at talking, bottles up his emotions and no sex drive. Is he suffering from depression maybe?

victory

Uhm soundsl like to me you have tried everything to get it going and he has promised everything to get it going and does falter on those promises, there lies the problem, can you meet half way? A compromise that he is comfortable with? Is it a def no every time? Was it always like this from day one?