kids lost all respect.

whitewing

Don't give in too easily tomorrow, or your boys will forever wonder if you would have stayed together if they'd been good. They need to see that you are both there for both of them. It will be easier to present a united front if you are in the house, even if one of you sleeps on the sofa.

And I agree with the other users who say fight for your marriage. Sounds like your wife wants your support and your attention.

victory

whitewing wrote: »

Don't give in too easily tomorrow, or your boys will forever wonder if you would have stayed together if they'd been good. They need to see that you are both there for both of them. It will be easier to present a united front if you are in the house, even if one of you sleeps on the sofa.

And I agree with the other users who say fight for your marriage. Sounds like your wife wants your support and your attention.

I agree, don't go all guns blazing because that will get her back up and it will just explode everything again.

If your kids know about the trouble they might be up in their rooms dreading tomorrow....keep calm, listen, talk, be nice,hear what she has to say, listen and maybe this time it will come good:D

whitewing

Hope all goes better than expected today.

DatabaseError

it didn't

Bufger

change jobs? i couldnt imagine what it would feel like for my male role model to be away for so long during the most important stages of my life (puberty, school changes etc)

It would probably also improve your relationship with your wife. Not all jobs require that level of commitment and there is always a choice. Even if your new job is less well paid you can always downsize and cut back - family is #1.

victory

DatabaseError wrote: »

it didn't

Which way good or bad?

geoffky

CaN i just add that for most of my oldest daughters life i worked away and she has been and still is a very very well behaved child and young women but i have a 12 year old who i have been at home for all her life who is a swine...so it is not about working away...its about boundaries and personalities.

DatabaseError

victory wrote: »

Which way good or bad?

fairly bad, I got asked to move out the day after I collected her from the airport, I'm currently living elsewhere, but still see everyone most days.so...um..could have gone better.
She states as reasons I gave her grief for taking here holiday (true, a holiday, paid on credit card, to visit someone she met on facebook) and that as I don't trust her there's not a lot of point, I do try to trust her, but it can be hard believing a situation is innocent when it appears exactly the same as one which turned out to be anything but (though, on this occasion, I accept i was wrong.). Last night she said my lack of trust would be considered unreasonable behaviour in any future divorce, I just laughed at her and pointed out her holiday.

Caroline_a

Why did you move out? surely it's as much your home as hers? If you give in like that, what sort of example are you setting your boys?

Swainiac

It appears from a lot of the posts here that there may well be attatchment issues. I absolutely agree with the post which suggest positive actions. Their self esteem must be rebuilt, and when they feel good about themselves, they will feel good about their environment and social surroundings too. Sanction and reward goes a long way to put clear and consise boundaries around them, something that every child knows.
Talking from experience, having left my ex wife 16 years ago and having only telephone contact with my sons, interspressed with sigle of double visits each year, we are lucky both boys have developed into level headed young men. Working in a BESD setting, I see young males form the age of 10 18 with many difficulties to deal with such as Aspergers, Autism ASD etc etc, we give these kids so much attention, something they crave, along with serious boundaries.
Try and stick in there, if not for your marriage, for your sons.
Very best of luck :0))