Would you ask your son to leave home?

LilacPixie

victory wrote: »

No why? She is a breathe of fresh air, lovely, level headed, sees it from all sides, has a job, is a great influence on him, he is as nice as pie when she is here, closed doors changes, everyone who meets son says he is lovely, he is, jist not all the time

Because he is being a brat, children who behave like brats don't get friends over.

pigpen

LilacPixie wrote: »

Because he is being a brat, children who behave like brats don't get friends over.

The point being he is not a child.. he is a man!

victory

pigpen wrote: »

Did you gain nothing from your previous thread?

You made him this way. (collective you assuming he has more than just 1 parent!.. not singular you)

You are still encouraging this behaviour by not putting a stop to all the things you do.. cooking and washing and buying and slaving.. stop thinking of him as your child.. he is not a child and he needs to be a man and you are not encouraging that.

And dont just presume he can go stay at the GFs.. I would be beyond furious if someone kicked out their child because they were not willing to take responsibility for the lazy good-for-nothing they had created then expected me to sort them out.. that is so very rude of you!!!!

By kicking him out you are effectively saying you dont like what and who he is and therefore throwing him away when you should have been teaching him how to be a man for the last 18 years!

Stop paying for his food and clothes and games and giving him money and everything else
Stop doing his washing and his cooking and his cleaning..

You will be amazed what he is capable of if he doesnt have someone skivvying about for him.

How can you punish a man? Do you punish your husband if he doesnt do something you want him to? what is the difference?

Take responsibility for the lazy lump you have created.. start saying no constantly.. stop backing down when he whines a fake apology and seriously.. start working on the other one now or you will end up with 2 just the same!

He asks for money.. tell him get a job
He asks for expensive gifts.. tell him get a job

birthday and chistmas presents are not for discussion they are gifts.. you buy someone a gift because you love them and the thing you buy you want them to love.. you dont ask people what to get them..

Id get him something he NEEDS rather than something he WANTS.

As another thought... has he grown up watching his dad do nothing? Is he one of those I work therefore I dont do womens work about the house types? So all DS has seen of men and his role model is a dad sat in front of the TV? Or does he pull is weight in the home as well... it is a very powerful image as a child seeing your mum doing the housey things and cooking and shopping etc and it becomes very gender entrenched at a fairly early age.

Gained? It did not change things in this house, no.
Made him this way? No, he did by expecting the world, my 11 year old is happy with the clothes/toys/beanos/books we get him from the car boot sale and asks for nothing, so I have one that is pure lovely and one that is so starry eyed over what his friends have got he wants but cannot get it from us and walks around, jealous, frustrated, angry and resentful at the world and us.

The gf parents absolutely think the world of him and have often said for him to stay permanently otherwise this question would never be coming up, I KNOW as a fact not just as well as him to leave and we shall see, that would be very irresponsible of me not rude.

OH has worked since he was 16 straight from school and has never been without, he is not up for discussion, he has done nothing wrong, he works in the house, fixes his own cars, has hobbies, is very active and cannot understand how he has a child/man that has no work ethic, my OH had 3 JOBS when we needed it, he would work anywhere do anything knock on anyones door to help us as a family, he cooks, irons, hoovers, does everything, he is not in question

bluenoseam

To be honest i think i got £20 and a pint from my Mum for my 18th, might be more because i don't tend to really celebrate birthdays that much anyway (so yay, i'm a year older than i was yesterday, in the words of the prophet - big f*ckin whoop!) and similarly knew that as a single parent Mum really didn't have the cash to splash about. I also decided against parties at 18/21 because i didn't think it worthwhile, i hate that nonsense anyways, just let me get on with the day, it probably seems quite alien to most people, but i barely acknowledge cards etc because i see it as a waste of time! I can tell you exactly how i spent my 18th birthday & can tell you who i spent it with, that's what was important to me, not getting a ton of fancy pressies & stuff which by christmas will be long forgotten!

Blackpool_Saver

If he is still at 6th form, are you getting child benefit and child tax credits for him?, extra housing benefit/council tax benefit?

victory

LilacPixie wrote: »

Because he is being a brat, children who behave like brats don't get friends over.

He is a brat here, his gf house no, here with his gf no, he goes on when it is here not there

victory

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

If he is still at 6th form, are you getting child benefit and child tax credits for him?, extra housing benefit/council tax benefit?

child tax yes no housing no

Blackpool_Saver

Hmmmm, my son thinks that the child ben and tax creds is his now he is 18, does your son ever say that to you?

victory

You see, here he is he has done his 3 hours at 6th form and is back so I am off for a bit, 3 hours a day he must need a lie down now surely:rotfl:

victory

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

Hmmmm, my son thinks that the child ben and tax creds is his now he is 18, does your son ever say that to you?

Once he did and he got so talked at by OH he has never ever mentioned it again