Would you ask your son to leave home?

victory

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pollyskettle

I don't think I was quite as bad at 18 (:o I did work after 6th form, but I was an only child, so a bit of a spolit brat!), but my grandmother, who I lived with, and I had a huge row one night about me coming in after midnight and she told me I could leave, so I did. Slept on mates floors for a couple of weeks, moved into a house share for a while, got my own flat a couple of months later etc etc. Never went back to live, but we did have a pretty good relationship after the fuss died down.

If she hadn't chucked me out, I wouldn't have done half the things I did (in a good way), I would have continually expected things done for me instead of doing them for myself and I wouldn't be nearly as independant as I am now. It comes as one hell of a shock when your wage packet is swallowed up by bills for the first time and you can't possibly lose face by going to the person who threw you out for help!!

I can honestly say that, in the long run, it did me the world of good and made me who I am today. The first few months were pretty heated though. It's a horrible situation to be in, and I hope it works out well for you all.

adamantine

i would tell him to move out. he is an adult and he is not respecting you or the rest of the family. he is not the only one that lives there and he must have consideration for everyone else in the household.

he could get a job related to his football like at the local football club even sweeping up after matches it at least gets his face out there!

no i would sit him down and tell him you do love him and he is welcome to visit as much as he likes butr he cannot stay there anymore as the family as a whole unit needs to come before 1 members needs.

victory

I also said to him as I had seen it on a chat room that because it was 18th to get 18 little presents, like he loves salted almonds, chocs etc just £1 worth each, like stocking fillers I suppose but in a 18th context, I said that was going to do that but because you are what you are you would rip them open and be ungrateful and keep looking for your main present, the big one, that the silly mothers touch would not impress you, he said 'well yes but I still would have a main present' everyone gets......

victory

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victory

pollyskettle wrote: »

I don't think I was quite as bad at 18 (:o I did work after 6th form, but I was an only child, so a bit of a spolit brat!), but my grandmother, who I lived with, and I had a huge row one night about me coming in after midnight and she told me I could leave, so I did. Slept on mates floors for a couple of weeks, moved into a house share for a while, got my own flat a couple of months later etc etc. Never went back to live, but we did have a pretty good relationship after the fuss died down.

If she hadn't chucked me out, I wouldn't have done half the things I did (in a good way), I would have continually expected things done for me instead of doing them for myself and I wouldn't be nearly as independant as I am now. It comes as one hell of a shock when your wage packet is swallowed up by bills for the first time and you can't possibly lose face by going to the person who threw you out for help!!

I can honestly say that, in the long run, it did me the world of good and made me who I am today. The first few months were pretty heated though. It's a horrible situation to be in, and I hope it works out well for you all.

I want to get away from the chucking out, from my point of view, his mother, I gave birth to him, I loved him then and adore him now, I want to ask him to leave for all our sakes, he is naiive and unwordly, narrow minded and cannot see that sure we are not as rich as all his other friends but we love him, care for him, have his back, will do anything for him but cannot tolerate what he has turned himself into, sure could be a passing phase but it has been like this for such a long time I THINK we have all forgotten how could it used to be and all we see now is each others negatives.

newcook

it may work - it worked for me! Though in all fairness it was my choice to leave as I thought I knew it all, as all 18 year olds do!!

However, if he is complaining that dinner is rubbish then stop cooking for him and tell him to make his own. If he wants a mobile he can pay for it himself – fair enough, pay the first month or 2 as part of a birthday present but the remainder of the contract should be his responsibility.
If he wants money from you only give it to him once he’s completed his jobs around the house.

As he is soon to be 18 he should be going round the local pubs/restaurants asking if they have any shifts he could do – including glass collecting!

FBaby

My partner got kicked out by his mum who absolutely adored him when he was 18 as all the love and attention he had received all these years meant he was taking everything for granted. 25 years later, he says it is the best thing she could have done. He is a VERY had working man with excellent values. He is a domestic goddess and self reliant. Of course it took him some time for the penny to drop that he had been spoilt all his childhood and he didn't speak to his mum for almost 12 months after she kicked him out which must have been totally devastating for her, but he certainly has made it up, he adores his mum, is totally dedicated to her and well, the perfect son really!

the_cat

In all honestly I don't think I could bring myself to do it.

How is he funding his day to day life at the moment? Who is paying for the football? His clothes? His entertainment and all the other hundred things that a teenager 'needs'? I'm guessing it is you. If you want him to get the motivation to do something, then you need to hand over the responsibility of funding his life to HIM. Let him earn your financial support by looking for work,volunteering, helping with his brother etc. Whatever you decide on, he needs to be told in advance and told of the consequence (which he will doubtless not believe at the time, so you MUST follow through)

If he says no, then cut the purse strings. Completely. Don't argue or reason with him. Just withdraw all funds. He will soon realise that it is in his best interests to stop being a brat

victory

We said no to the mobile contract but offered him a pay as you go one with a few month credit say £10 a month, he said that was rubbish and £10 would not last him the week and what was the point of getting a pay as you go mobile when he has no money to top it up after we stop? Get a job.

We offered him the virgin media blackberry deal that was £7.99 a month and he said no, it was the old one and he would be embarrased to have that.

WE OFFERED him an ebay one and he said no, why would he want to have a phonethat is already scratched? iF HE went to 6th form and showed his mates they would say 'nice phone mate but it is scratched' as if:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Dinners not really an issue more at his gf than here, when he is if he has not said he gets nothing.

Glass collecting, cleaning, macdonalds get tothem all I say

julie03

my son is 18 next year and has asked for a gaming laptop which is around £1200, he knows we cant spend that much so is trying desperatly to get a job so he can get the rest of the money as he knows he wont get it otherwise

alot of his friends are 18 in the next few months and i would say only 2 or 3 from about 40 kids are getting big stuff like your son has mentioned so its definately not everybody