Would you ask your son to leave home?

newcook

Gillyx wrote: »

Sadly in all my student jobs I've worked with guys who played football, liked to watch it etc, and they've had to give it up, because at the end of the day we all need money to live.

They all ran cars, liked nights out etc, I guess it comes to a point where you need to decide which is more important to you.

At the moment the majority of the jobs available will be Christmas temps in retail, and that will mean working Sat/Sun and possibly a few nights during the week too. I'm currently looking, and would bite the hand off of someone for that job, the only time me and my OH can spend together is Sat/Sun but I realise that money is needed so I'l have to make the sacrifice.

dont get me wrong - I completely agree with you! however, OP's son needs to learn that fact as he seems to beleive HE is correct. teens eh?!
once he has his foot in the door and earning money the realisation that he cant do/watch as much sport as he wants will start to hit him but then he will need to decide himself what he must sacrifice

he may even strike lucky and get a job in a pub that shows all the footie matches on a big screen!!

victory

Gillyx wrote: »

I laughed he won't work weekends because it would interfere with his football. What does he think you and his dad work for? Surely that interferes with your lives but you have to get on with it.

If he isn't willing to work weekends as a student, the only places that would reasonably take him on would be banking call centres, a lot of people I know worked for HSBC, First Direct, Halifax etc Mon-Fri 5pm-9pm. It is a big commitment though, as it's EVERY night, but it would enable his weekends to be free. Any other sort of job, retail or in the catering industry will require him to work weekends, as it's when they're busiest.

I'm really not sure what you'd have to do to give him a reality check. If he's moaning about the dinners I'd stop cooking for him, hide the snacks, stop doing his washing. I'd use this as a last resort before going down the throwing out road.

Done all that, I am ashamed to say we have a secret cupboard for when it 'kicks off' so he can around opening all the kitchen cupboards and will not find what he is looking for because I have hidden it

January20

victory wrote: »

Not according to him, we have a daily update (5 of his mates 18 this moth) of what they got, how he wants what they got, how he will not settle for anything less, I got a gold chain so did OH he said 'that was 40 years ago'
No, I am not offended, I will take anything, I want him to stay, I want to change his mind and for him to see we are not rich but we love him and he has a good life, that we cannot be these rich parents that we just want the best for him and he is become an over bearing demanding silly person and just stop

One of my teacher friends taught me a way to deal with nagging teenagers. Repeat the same phrase in the same tone over and over again to whatever they say so:
Son : my for my birthday...
victory: I'm not discussing it.
Son: but blah blah blah
victory: I'm not discussing it.

It's not easy to keep the same tone and not getting annoyed but if you can manage to do it, it works
And annoys the life out of them :rotfl::rotfl:

victory

newcook wrote: »

dont get me wrong - I completely agree with you! however, OP's son needs to learn that fact as he seems to beleive HE is correct. teens eh?!
once he has his foot in the door and earning money the realisation that he cant do/watch as much sport as he wants will start to hit him but then he will need to decide himself what he must sacrifice

he may even strike lucky and get a job in a pub that shows all the footie matches on a big screen!!

Exactly get your foot in the door, any door, get motivated, his gf says whereshe works there is a job coming up in october, 5 days a week not weekends, I said I would go down with him and introduce himself to the person in authority, he says it has to be put online, I said go and get your face known through his gf, his gf even suggested to him to go there and work for free for a few days to be 'trained up' he looked at her as she had landed from mars

Sambucus_Nigra

victory wrote: »

how he wants what they got, how he will not settle for anything less

There's a word I use in this situation and it's 'tough'.

That's life sonny.

Gillyx

January20 wrote: »

I don't wash my dd's clothes.
If she is in for dinner, I'll cook for the 2 of us, if not she cooks for herself (and boyfriend sometimes).
I buy my normal shopping - sometimes I'll add one treat that she likes but if she fancies a pizza mid week or a take away, she pays for it herself.
She has a part time job and buys all her make up, clothes, entertainment with her wages, phone contract (It's in my name and I've told her if she stops paying I'll report it stolen so she can't use it - she knows I'm not joking!) . If she has no money, she may borrow from me but has to pay me from her next pay, or she goes without (she mostly goes without!)

Pretty much how my life was growing up. I feel it's prepared me more for the real world though.

the_cat

victory wrote: »

Not according to him, we have a daily update (5 of his mates 18 this moth) of what they got, how he wants what they got, how he will not settle for anything less

I think you have an ideal opportunity presented at your feet. Buy him absolutely nothing for his birthday. Let him go on badgering you and say nothing. Don't threaten him or debate it. Just do it. It might just be the shock he needs to make him realise that his behaviour has consequences

Yes it will be hard for you not to mark the occasion. It will doubtless cause a big row. And yes, it's harsh............................................ but nowhere near as harsh as chucking him out (and possibly for him it may even have a bigger impact. Imagine him having to tell his mates that he didn't get anything at all:D)

victory

January20 wrote: »

One of my teacher friends taught me a way to deal with nagging teenagers. Repeat the same phrase in the same tone over and over again to whatever they say so:
Son : my for my birthday...
victory: I'm not discussing it.
Son: but blah blah blah
victory: I'm not discussing it.

It's not easy to keep the same tone and not getting annoyed but if you can manage to do it, it works
And annoys the life out of them :rotfl::rotfl:

I know that so well as have done it many times and also what drives him crazy is if I say ' I can't hear you' he says it again, silence from my part, he says it again and then stomps off:rotfl:

January20

WestonDave wrote: »

The alternative strategy is to (despite his behaviour) take a more adult approach with him. Sit him down with the family finances and explain where all the money goes and that there isn't anything left for a big present or high ongoing phone contracts etc. He needs to grow up in terms of recognising that money is a finite resource in most families and whilst we'd all love to have an unlimited Iphone contract, a new car etc, most of us are making do with old nokias and 9 year old cars because that is what the budget runs to (and that's on decent salaries). He earns nothing so can't expect to be living the life of riley.

I would then work out what you are currently paying for, maybe round it up a bit, and give it to him at the start of the month for him to manage as an allowance - again if he's just getting hand outs at the time of football etc then he's not learning that money is there to be managed. That's not a criticism of your parenting to date - just a suggestion for a new approach. If you want to you can even back it up by making it a condition of getting this months money that last months chores etc were done to an acceptable standard (i.e. a few missed might be OK but not bothering at all means no money).

That is very good advice - particularly the first paragraph. I've always been really open with my dd regarding what I earn, what I pay out, etc. I did it because with my parents it was so taboo to talk about money and I knew nothing about budgeting when I started living on my own.

January20

the_cat wrote: »

I think you have an ideal opportunity presented at your feet. Buy him absolutely nothing for his birthday. Let him go on badgering you and say nothing. Don't threaten him or debate it. Just do it. It might just be the shock he needs to make him realise that his behaviour has consequences

Yes it will be hard for you not to mark the occasion. It will doubtless cause a big row. And yes, it's harsh............................................ but nowhere near as harsh as chucking him out (and possibly for him it may even have a bigger impact. Imagine him having to tell his mates that he didn't get anything at all:D)

And I thought I was harsh... :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:
I love it!