Would you ask your son to leave home?

easy

victory wrote: »

the monthly allowance even though I agree it is good cannot see why we should 'fund him' he should have a job that does that and we should be just the parents that help him out here and there, I am not sure an allowance would not make him lazier, less energetic to go seek a job.

But you have already said you pay football subs for him, presumably you provide bus fares to get to college etc. ??

I'm not suggesting you give him an 'allowance' of any more than he currently costs you to keep. What you do is shift the responsibility onto him. If you don't likje the concept of it being an 'allowance', then set a payment for each task he has to do around the house, add those up on his chart, and pay that amount for the month.

Can you get the girlfriend involved in this? If she is such a good influence, try having the talk about responsibilities while she is there too?

I do think it's unfair on her/her family to tell him to leave, knowing he would land himself on them!

victory

pigpen wrote: »

The point being he is not a child.. he is a man!

I have a man in the house, my OH he does not come in and having worked all day and earnt his money go on that he is entitled to and deserves a new gadget and he is off to buy one, no he is a responsible man that has a joint bank account bills to pay and puts his family first. Can he have it? Sure if he wants it who am I to say what he can and have, he has earnt it, do as you please. OH goes for need first and want second always.

victory

easy wrote: »

But you have already said you pay football subs for him, presumably you provide bus fares to get to college etc. ??

I'm not suggesting you give him an 'allowance' of any more than he currently costs you to keep. What you do is shift the responsibility onto him. If you don't likje the concept of it being an 'allowance', then set a payment for each task he has to do around the house, add those up on his chart, and pay that amount for the month.

Can you get the girlfriend involved in this? If she is such a good influence, try having the talk about responsibilities while she is there too?

I do think it's unfair on her/her family to tell him to leave, knowing he would land himself on them!

Football subs yes he walks to school so no bus.

True, landing himself there could be seen as unfair but he has his beautiful persona there and they can see no wrong in him at all .

Blackpool_Saver

My son thinks he shouldn't have to work, he thinks the child benefit and tax credits is his (his wage) for going to college, oh and the ema too lol, says I wouldn't be able to live here and he is keeping us lol lol

victory

You say pay for each chore, I REMEMBER offering him £50 for painting when we moved in here 3 years ago, he refuses,too much work, too long etc so we did it all in the end, each bit OH and myself and he came in a tiny bit at the end, maybe a few brushstrokes:rotfl:

We have offered him money for chores here and there now I think about it he has done as much as he cannot be bothered to do

Blackpool_Saver

victory wrote: »

he has his beautiful persona there and they can see no wrong in him at all .

Yes I just had 18 months of that crappola too, just keep saying, this too shall pass

victory

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

My son thinks he shouldn't have to work, he thinks the child benefit and tax credits is his (his wage) for going to college, oh and the ema too lol, says I wouldn't be able to live here and he is keeping us lol lol

Son tried that one but when OH sat him down and said thes clothes cost this and your school bag this and this he gave up and it was not handed to him

the_cat

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

Hmmmm, my son thinks that the child ben and tax creds is his now he is 18, does your son ever say that to you?

Which would be fair enough, if he also began to pay rent and his portion of the utilities and food. Non-starter imo!!

OP - the fact that he only behaves like this with you/your oh is very telling..... he has either found it to be an effective way of getting what he wants or the best way to get your attention. Which do you think it is?

victory

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

Yes I just had 18 months of that crappola too, just keep saying, this too shall pass

No one out there sees the wrong, it is just here in the house that he has many many issues, so hard done by

easy

victory wrote: »

True, landing himself there could be seen as unfair but he has his beautiful persona there and they can see no wrong in him at all .

But then his gf's family will have to feed and clothe him :mad:, do his washing, etc etc .

No matter how much they like him, that isn't fair.

He is YOUR child (and he is still behaving as a child with you), he continues to be your responsibility, until he takes responsibilty for himself.

The least you should do if you give him this ultimatum, is let her parents know what is happening, and tell them why, and let them know it's OK for them to tell him to "go back home".