Would you ask your son to leave home?

[Deleted User]

victory wrote: »

hE WILL but we all suffer in the meantime?:D

That's true, but it could be worse I guess. At least they are safe!. :-)

mountainofdebt

jellyhead wrote: »

He's not a man though, he is a 17 year old in the second year of his A levels. I was nowhere near grown-up when I was 17.

Whilst I agree with what you are saying jellyhead, at 17 many youngsters (and I would include Junior in that category) wants the rights and privilages of grown ups but very few act and / or want the responsibilies of adulthood.

Victory, as someone has already said, perhaps your son is switching off every time you are responding to his moans so perhaps the best solution would be to ignore his comments? If he comments how his 18th is ruined becuase he lives in a poor house then just agree and say that if he doesn't work at school to get the grades all his birthdays will be ruined as he'll be stuck at home and then just walk away (as hard as that will be,lol!)

victory

Thank you, can't see that being hard because sometimes I really want to ahhhhhhhhhhhhh:rotfl:

Bufger

Get him to watch the movie Kevin and Perry - Hopefully the realisation that he's being an utter tool will shame him into getting off his lazy backside and actually searching for a job.

The old 'i applied but im a victim' is being done all over the place at the moment. Its the perfect excuse for lazy teenagers! If you send out enough CV's get help improving your CV (its free) and are relentless then it shouldnt take much more than a couple of weeks to get a job. (even in the recession i got a job by hastling the employer!)

victory

Well de does have an interview at 3pm this afternoon so fingers crossed:D

dirtysexymonkey

victory wrote: »

Middle of november Saints row the third:D

your letting an 11 year old have an 18 game? wow. wheres the parenting?

onlyroz

victory wrote: »

We tell him how well off he is, we have offered to take him to a hospital, to a shelter to see how he is so well off, we have said over and over that he has to go and seek for himself and then come back to us and realise how grateful and happy he should have been here that he is not so badly off, that he really needs to be sto p being so naiive and get a reality check, he says 'oh not this again'

This bugs me a bit - I don't think a child should have to be "grateful" for what you give them - after all they didn't choose to be born. They should, however, accept their lot and not go off in a strop if they don't get what they want. Your son is acting like a child - but at his age if there's something he wants that you can't provide then he needs to get off his butt, earn some money, and get it for himself.

poppy_f1

from 16 i was expected to either get a part time job or help around the house to get money from my folks, they paid out for the essentials but if i wanted money for other stuff then i had to earn it
they made it clear even when i went to uni (i stayed at home while at uni) i had to pay my share even if it was only 20 quid a week

i dont think you are doing your son any favours and well if i had acted like that to my parents then i would have been asked to leave......i can remember the tantrums i had when i was about 15 saying it wasnt fair and how i was going to leave when i was 16....they said go for it....of course i never did, i knew which side my bread was buttered but looking back they done it for my own good

jellyhead

victory wrote: »

My parents had a business and after school I worked ther efrom the age of 9 helping out, not many hours but it is a good work ethic, my OH had a paper round and 2 other jobs by the time he was 15, we have told him all that he says 'that was 30 years ago, it is all different now'

When I was 16 I had 2 jobs by 18 three part time jobs and that has been all the way through, taking time off for kids and now illness OH wants to shake him with the frustration he feels that our son is jobless, sure maybe it was easier those days but my parents put in at least a 15 hour day in their business and I was always expected to help

It's not that different now, not really. I do a paper round myself (my kids help, and are rewarded with something as we pass the sweet shop) and I see lots of teenagers doing their paper rounds. My paper round pays for teen's gym+swim membership and youngest's gymnastics and swimming.

When I got my round I said I was surprised that there was no waiting list, and she laughed and said teenagers aren't queueing up to get a paper round nowadays. BUT she can still fill all the vacancies because there are enough kids who will get off their backside for a couple of hours to earn £7-ish (I get paid £9 but kids get paid less)

Your son could pay for a £30 phone contract with a paper round. The daily ones are a bit of a chore with more restrictive hours, but the free paper can be done at any time you're free over a period of 2 days. I deliver to 4 streets, just 134 papers and it takes less than 2 hours. I'm sure most teens who don't already have a job can find 2 hours each week to deliver papers. My teen uses more than 2 hours a week just doing the volunteering bit of his duke of edinburgh award.

halight

Iv been reading this thred from the start
Your son needs to spend some time in the real world.

Its time to do the deed and ask him to leave, Tell him you love him. He is free to visit any time. Tell him that you would love to have him for dinner one or two days a week (maybe sunday lunch)
He is now a man. He has to make his own way in the world. Tell him that you are sorry that life is so bad at home and that money is so tight. He now has a chance to make somthing of himself to do better thatn you have done. To make his own way so he can have all the little toys he wonts.
Wish him the very best of luck. Even give him £50 so he leaves with a little money in his wallet.

If he then starts begging to change if he can stop. So no! do not let him. If you do it will only be a matter of time before he is back to is old ways.
He needs to leave. Your younger son needs some space way from this, before he starts to fight back agenst you. Its true you become the company that you keep. You also need to get away from this too. Its doing none of the family any good.

Let him go. Its time he maned up. Its a hard life out there. You can not have all the wonts in life. Somtimes you can not have all the needs too. He now need to learn this. He GFs mom and dad will see it it that he has everything he needs. But will soon get fed up of suporting him if he dose not help himself.

All this may very well shock him into becomeing the man with high morals that he needs to be, to get on in life.

Good luck
L