Would you ask your son to leave home?

jellyhead

By the way, I'm shocked to see some comments in this thread about teenagers being given their child benefit as pocket money. Someone even said he'll see it doesn't go far and will then get a job!

I think £80 per month is a massive amount to give to a teenager! Mine gets nowhere near half that, and never will!

It must be tricky for teens if they have parents like me yet they see their mates getting £30 every week in EMA to fritter away ...

victory

jellyhead wrote: »

This is great, but further on I see you changed your mind I don't understand why the youngest gets £2 a week but the eldest doesn't, tbh.

The monthly allowance is not just a reward, there are all kinds of psychological reasons why it would be good for both him and the rest of the family.

To be honest I can sort of understand his 'what's the point' attitude towards a pay as you go phone or a provisional license - if he doesn't get an allowance then he has no control over what he can do with those things.

If you said you feel like giving him nothing for his birthday, that's why he has told GF's parents that he's not getting driving lessons off you.

I understand that you're angry he's been moaning about how unfair you are etc. behind your back but maybe GF's parents have been telling him he'll have a better chance at employment if he can learn to drive?

The provisional license and a few lessons is an excellent 18th present, much more practical than a holiday or a party. It looks, to an outsider, as if GF's parents have been able to convince him to go for something manageable than the wildly expensive things he's been after. It sounds reasonable to me (but when mine is that age I will probably be starting similar threads!).

If he goes to uni this time next year you've only got him until then (and he doesn't need an allowance after that!!) ... not long to wait, no need to kick him out just yet ...

How did the interview go?

Youngest £2 that is all, eldest gets football subs £6.50 a week soon to be £7.

Eldest has always has this weird theory that everything should be split 50/50 how so? If I were to pay for subs for little one and he did ot get them he would create merry hell but vice versa he sees as his right?

He has been put on a week trial starting 6pm this evening in the chinese restaurant:j:j:j:j:j:j

victory

esmy wrote: »

OP you seem to assume that GFs family will take him in - what if they don't?

They will.

To kick him out with the intention that he comes back with his tail between his legs to me is game playing and could potentially cause a lot of distress along the way.

I know that hence the question.:D

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victory

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

I wouldn't take on someone else's teenager and house them for nothing and I doubt that they would either. If they would, they are more foolish than they sound.

They would:D

victory

jellyhead wrote: »

I think the opposite

Football subs are very different from giving him money for sweets or cinema. Teenagers need exercise and sport is good for the hormones etc.

I think paying for football subs is no different from paying for a small child to take swimming lessons or music lessons. It's good for them, it keeps them off the streets and having an interest may lead to a career.

My son's on the fringes of a 'bad crowd' who do nothing. The main difference as far as I can tell between the 'hardcore' of the crowd who are always drunk or hungover, doing stupid things like making youtube videos of them setting fire to their clothes, hurting each other etc. and those who are part of the large group of friends but very rarely sleep over etc. is hobbies.

Kids who have a sports or music lesson, or volunteering or a part time job or whatever to do on a Saturday morning, who have something to go to such as duke of edinburgh on a school night, the gym etc. are far less likely to fall into the trap of 'nothing else to do so I may as well get drunk, have sex, hang around with the 'bad crowd 24/7 etc.

The football subs are, in my humble opinion, a good idea.

But don't give him money for spending at the shop, because that's a 'reward'.

I agree his football subs are far from a reward , he is passionate about it, he loves it, he wins, he is energetic, refreshed, happy, out, interacting, making friends, it is all good. It never leads him to any bad only good and that cannot be such a bad thing:D

victory

jellyhead wrote: »

Victory's son (I often confuse Victory and Viktory, arrrgh!) sounds quite needy, has he got special needs victory?

I know everyone's saying get tough with him but I actually feel quite sorry for him (but I know that if he lived in my house I'd be feeling like throwing him out, lol!).

No special needs, no health issues, no mental probs, just needs an iphone, ipod, ipad, laptop, loads of money, a full 18th bash with a fountain of beer etc:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

I have felt sorry for him because from his point of view he is frustrated with himself and the world because he sees what everyone else has got and wants to be in it, to be part of it, to show off the way they do when they get something new but the sympathy has now disappeared= get a job and get it yourself:D

victory

Bumpmakesfour wrote: »

How have things been over the weekend OP?Has he turned up at home yet or still holed up at his GFs?

Seen him maybe 30 mins along the way and spoke a few times on the phone, I get free mobile calls all weekend and ring him to check all ok etc

victory

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Brighton_belle

I've been following your thread Victory and am delighted about the job trial! I've known you over 4 yrs now on here and you have had such a tough 18 months for all sort of reasonsI do really feel for you.
I have seem similar in my extended family with male siblings only 2 yrs apart chalk and cheese like this, same parenting values and work ethic extended to both children, with it all kicking off at this age. I have lived to see them grow out of it and become excellent young men if that gives you any hope.

gratefulforhelp_2

I would definitely not advise acting hastily. My Mum booted me out of home at 18, just before uni (I ploughed my A levels).

When she calmed down she really regretted it, and it took ages for us to get back on track.