Would you ask your son to leave home?

BitterAndTwisted

How about giving him a tenner a week and he pays for his football subs himself as long as he does his fair share of the chores that you expect of him?

Good news about the work-trial. I hope he works his socks off.

victory

Brighton_belle wrote: »

I've been following your thread Victory and am delighted about the job trial! I've known you over 4 yrs now on here and you have had such a tough 18 months for all sort of reasonsI do really feel for you.
I have seem similar in my extended family with male siblings only 2 yrs apart chalk and cheese like this, same parenting values and work ethic extended to both children, with it all kicking off at this age. I have lived to see them grow out of it and become excellent young men if that gives you any hope.

Thank you bb thank you very much:D

victory

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

I would definitely not advise acting hastily. My Mum booted me out of home at 18, just before uni (I ploughed my A levels).

When she calmed down she really regretted it, and it took ages for us to get back on track.

Well I would regret it, my heart breaks to type to think about it it is not a lightly decision, it is so discussed on here as I have been accused of, at home, with my sister, with my friends, with my family, nothing I am doing is without a broken heart but how he is cannot hurt me anymore because I have reached the end

halight

Hi there,

Its great news about the job:beer::beer:
I bet he feels on top of the world for getting it:j:j Im really pleased for him i hope he sticks at it. I wish him all the best at it.

Try if you can to save a few pounds from it if you can. It will serve him well going forward.

victory

Thank you he is on trial tonight 6-10pm, if he 'passes' then he gets 16 o 20 hours a week so that wil be excellent for him:D

victory

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Good news about the work-trial. I hope he works his socks off.

I so hope so thank you:D

londoner1998

victory wrote: »

Yes always he is my first born, we have always had a close bond, he comes to me and talks about his gf worries or sex or what he did at school, or his worries, his concerns, his future plans, everything and anything he talks to me about, we have cuddlesand kisses and hugs and laughs but it has all turned so black, so negative, so me, me, me, I want he makes me feel inadequate because I cannot provide, resentful because we are 4 not 1 of him and the money has to go around us all, angry because he has turned into a nightmare, sad because I miss him, intolerant because of his behaviour, loads of things and he feels bad also but he wants and I cannot give

Victory, I think you really need to start recognising that is he is entering adulthood- do you realise that his behaviour is designed (consciously or unconsciously) to suck all your energy out of you and constantly ask for you attention ? It is great to be really close and have each other but too much of a good thing is, well, not good anymore. PLease cut the apron strings, he seems to be manipulating you and getting what he wants off you.

Stop listening, stop reasoning, stop thinking how to resolve this problem and let it become such a drama, you have a whole family to look after, not just him. It is his problem now and it is his turn to resolve it- you are his mum, yes, but we all come to a time in life when we deal with the consequences of our own actions and make decisions for ourselves. It might be panful you but you need to let him make his own mistakes... you post that I quoted here just tells how a close relationship could dangerously become co-dependant.

I also think that it is you who really needs to think about all this- you say you feel you are letting him down- why? Because you can't give him luxuries? Here lies the problem- you feel guilty and he knows it.This is not healthy, Victory...



ETS- great news he has a work trial- I hope he makes the most of it...

victory

Guilt is a mothers thing, he feels I have 'let him down' because the path is not paved with gold and he will not need a truck to turn up on his birthday to deliver all his presents.

Crumbs we are not co-dependent that is taking it too far, other wise you could call me for the same for my OH and my little one, or even my sister, I love her to absolute bits and we can't phone each other enough but that is through love nothing else:D

victory

londoner1998 wrote: »

ETS- great news he has a work trial- I hope he makes the most of it...

Thank you very much so do I, we are keeping light of it here but inside I am dancing, hope he gets to 10pm and gets offered a job:D

jellyhead

victory wrote: »

Youngest £2 that is all, eldest gets football subs £6.50 a week soon to be £7.

Eldest has always has this weird theory that everything should be split 50/50 how so? If I were to pay for subs for little one and he did ot get them he would create merry hell but vice versa he sees as his right?

He has been put on a week trial starting 6pm this evening in the chinese restaurant:j:j:j:j:j:j

Ah, so football is instead of pocket money. I see.

Great news about the trial! fingers crossed, and if he starts working maybe he'll grow up a bit and become more pleasant to be around