Would you ask your son to leave home?

londoner1998

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Racyred

whilst I can understand the point you make, at what point in a child's life is it reasonable to expect them to help around the house and NOT get paid for it?

Junior is 18 and whilst he is a good lad - will do jobs around the house, including ironing, when I ask him to do it, but it would never occur to him to actually pick up an iron -unless of course it was something he needed ironing, lol!

At 18, they aren't children - they are young adults who , whilst not be able to appreciate the value of money unless they have been lucky (and I do think that 18 yr olds are lucky to get a job these days) to get a job and appreciate what it takes to earn that money, they are old enough to realise that a family is a mini co-co-perative and everyone needs to pull together.

As for making Victory feel guilty about earning so that her son doesn't EMA - what gives him the right to expect Victory to pay instead !!!!!!? Its an early lesson for him that life is unfair and he'd better get used to it.

Thats a fair point, but I guess it depends on culture- where I come from, your parents would laugh at you if you asked for money to help around the house while you are still living there.. helping is what you do, because you are part of the family as well. You simply clean after yourself and help you elders...

thunderbird

I haven't read all the comments, so sorry if repeating or missed out vital info.

I think a lot of the behaviour you speak about sounds like typical teenager reaction, ie reject every idea that your parents suggest. He wants to do things his way, not yours - even if deep down he knows they're not the best option.

Pay him if he does jobs for you (above and beyond what is responably expected) but you shouldn't be paying for football subs for an 18 year old surely?! If he really wants money then he will go and find himself a job, but I think you have to leave him to do it himself as it doesn't sound like he is interested in your help.

Raksha

FBaby wrote: »

My partner got kicked out by his mum who absolutely adored him when he was 18 as all the love and attention he had received all these years meant he was taking everything for granted. 25 years later, he says it is the best thing she could have done. He is a VERY had working man with excellent values. He is a domestic goddess and self reliant. Of course it took him some time for the penny to drop that he had been spoilt all his childhood and he didn't speak to his mum for almost 12 months after she kicked him out which must have been totally devastating for her, but he certainly has made it up, he adores his mum, is totally dedicated to her and well, the perfect son really!

I did the same to my oldest when he was 17, BUT, he had a job (all be it an apprenticeship). Without a job, it might have been different. Mind you, he hasn't turned out too bad - he gets married in a couple of weeks.

His younger brother however, has just left school @ 16 - hopes to go into the Army, and thinks that in the mean time the world owes him a living. He was doing bits and bobs around the house - housework - for his pocket money, but I've recently lost my job, so we can't afford for him to be doing what I can do (and do it better) so I'm preparing inwardly for more rows

mountainofdebt

londoner1998 wrote: »

Thats a fair point, but I guess it depends on culture- where I come from, your parents would laugh at you if you asked for money to help around the house while you are still living there.. helping is what you do, because you are part of the family as well. You simply clean after yourself and help you elders...

My point exactly and I'm from a normal white background living in the south wales valleys

londoner1998

mountainofdebt wrote: »

My point exactly and I'm from a normal white background living in the south wales valleys

Mountain, I think I misread you post, apologies.
We do agree- helping is NORMAL and what most teens do around the house... it shouldn't be glorified

Alias_Omega

Get him a job in the local pub/bar/club at the weekends.

I spent many an evening at 18yrs old trying to not look at ladies clevages as they practically climbed over the bar to get ahead of the bar queue..:j


Tell him that for every £1 he puts towards a driving lesson, you will match it. I would probably even push to add him to the family car as a named driver.

Once he is out of the house working, his ways will change once he starts seeing £££ in the pocket.

Caroline_a

Alias_Omega wrote: »

Get him a job in the local pub/bar/club at the weekends.

Why on earth can't teenagers get their own jobs these days?? My 3 girls all managed to find themselves jobs, the oldest 2 when they were just 14, with no help from anyone.


Ask yourself, parents of teenagers. Did your parents get jobs for you, or did you do it yourself?

victory

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victory

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balletshoes

Caroline_a wrote: »

Why on earth can't teenagers get their own jobs these days?? My 3 girls all managed to find themselves jobs, the oldest 2 when they were just 14, with no help from anyone.


Ask yourself, parents of teenagers. Did your parents get jobs for you, or did you do it yourself?

when I was 13, it was my mum who pointed me in the direction of a weekend job that was going. After that though, I found my own after-school, and then full time, jobs.