Would you ask your son to leave home?

Mojisola

victory wrote: »

I totally agree, he is his own worst enemy at the moment and he cannot see it, we spent time with him this evening looking at uiversities, he could barely pick his head up from his ipod face book page saying he had already done the research and we knew nothing.

Why would you do this? If I said to mine - lets look through the uni sites - and couldn't get him to tear himself away from his ipod, I'd stop looking.

It still sounds as if you're running around him and his needs/wants all the time. Back off and stop trying to rescue him from himself.

victory

thorsoak wrote: »

Victory - only you will know whether this would work or not - but would it be worth getting his GF's parents on board, on your side. Could you be absolutely frank with them, and tell them that they are bringing out his positive side, and at the moment all he shows you is his negative side? Could you possibly even show them this thread - or an edited version of it?

With them as allies, you might, between you all, bring out the semi-decent human being that is lurking in all that adolescent angst!

Some sort of scheming amongst gf and son happened back in the spring, turns out the gf parents were misinformed and white lied to, we found out and asked to meet gf parents they said no, they would not want to get involved and leave it like that, we asked to see gf she stayed away, it was nothing major but could have been cleared up , we tried ringing gf mum but she apparantely would not take the call and said she wanted nothing to do with it, her family is hers and ours is ours, we have spoken since and gf comes round now all sorted now but never about son and his negative attitude here, just chat really.

victory

Mojisola wrote: »

Why would you do this? If I said to mine - lets look through the uni sites - and couldn't get him to tear himself away from his ipod, I'd stop looking.

It still sounds as if you're running around him and his needs/wants all the time. Back off and stop trying to rescue him from himself.

no it is not like that, written wrong maybe but no we did not force him to sit here for uni websites etc , we were looking at courses for his dad, whilst he was doing that the courses link took OH to uni link which showed the course son wants to be on who was going into the kitchen to get a drink.....

It was not about him to begin with...

victory

ceebeeby wrote: »

I think you need a big hug victory and a big well done for surviving with positivity for this long!

Thanks:D.....................................................

mountainofdebt

Victory


Perhaps its time to let him make a few mistakes so that he learns that you and his Dad have his best interests at heart and that he doesn't know everything.

victory

adamantine wrote: »

but the son isnt an adult he is a child acting like a child and ought to be treated as one.

he is playing his parents off of his gf and her parents and them believing him is undermining OP and her DH and is doing the son no good whatsoever.

he needs to learn lying has no good results and people always get found out.

Each white lie is one tick against him, he thinks it is nothing but it is huge to me because we will not be viewed as mugs by some other people that we have smiles, chats, chit chat with but are housing my son who is going around elaborating the actual truth.

victory

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Victory


Perhaps its time to let him make a few mistakes so that he learns that you and his Dad have his best interests at heart and that he doesn't know everything.

He is a silly boy to think we have not been here for him, silly boy because if we actually were not as he is proclaiming then he would really come unstuck.

victory

ceebeeby wrote: »

I don't dispute that he's behaving like a child (at best!) but that's no reason for Victory to lower her standards publicly with the GF's parents. Think of it logically. So what that he's lying etc. etc. and btw how do you know this Victory, but there's not a whole lot you can do about that, and if you go along on your high horse, you're just going to look like an irrational, neurotic wierdo Mum who's ranting that your son isn't telling the truth. There's only going to be one loser and that'll be Victory.

Well no, if you look at it calmlly and logically then there could have been 3 people that texted me, his gf, his gf mum, himself, no, I WILL never know, even if I have confronted him, he just goes on all thedefensive innocent but as a game player I told him his chips are marked because we can all play games and I have many more years of catching the truth than he has.

I am always the loser but what goes around comes around, he will get caught out and he will not like the fall

Mojisola

victory wrote: »

Each white lie is one tick against him, he thinks it is nothing but it is huge to me because we will not be viewed as mugs by some other people that we have smiles, chats, chit chat with but are housing my son who is going around elaborating the actual truth.

Let him go and live with them. Either he'll reform and be able to keep up his good side with them or he won't and they'll see him in a different light.

victory

charliemaine1bee wrote: »

Good luck with it..just stand your ground on everything you believe is right x

I believe he has painted us wrong, we are always here for him, I believe he had a hand in those texts, I believe he white lies, he feels hard done by and is now trying to use bully tactics or woo is me ploy to get everyone to sympathize with his plight so his basket is full to the brim on his birthday, I believe he has got some things so negatively wrong he is finding hard to see through it all.