Would you ask your son to leave home?

Mojisola

victory wrote: »

As many other threads on here I have mentioned my son is soon to be 18 (12 days time) he has many good points and is completely adored but at the mo all his negatives are causing tension, problems, (lack of job, lack of motivation, wasting his time at 6th form seen as he did not pass, demanding money, presents beyond our financial reach for his 18th, lazy, selfish)

when he comes home to get changed or wait for his gf to finish work he kicks off every time, how hard done by he is, how the dinner is not good enough, how he has no money how all his mates have driving lessons, how his life is rubbish, how they are all getting a car for their 18th, how it is embarrasing not to have a mobile.

It is so bad here when he is here my heart sinks with dread, OH hates it and little one has given up looking forward to seeing his big bro, so, would you politely, calmly and lovingly explain to him how much he is adored, how we can't tolerate this behaviour anymore and how we would like him to move out?

victory wrote: »

I am not sure any mother has a perfect son do they? My son has good and bad and have said so, not making him into an angel but not making him perfect either, that is the point.

Sounds like a whole of bad at the moment.

Just what are his good points?

Molly41

In some respects I have been in a similar situation with my eldest son. Here are my thoughts now two years on.
Many times I have been very close to kicking him out. However much I dislike him I still love him and it is my role to ensure that he can become a mature and capable adult. To that end, in my mind, it would have been easy to kick him out. I certainly would not have foisted him on someone else, be they friends or statutory agencies.. Instead I focussed on encouraging and supporting my son into employment when he decided that college was not for him. He has lost many jobs since then but is gradually learning the work culture and is trying hard now. However it has been a very rocky road and a learning experience for the whole family.

They dont suddenly and magically become an adult the day they turn 18 - its a time of transition and change. It is my role to enable him and all my children. I have said before that my youngest son is more mature and organised than my eldest and I probably will not have to offer such assistance to him.

victory

Good- can be funny, intelligent, smart, handsome, very caring towards his gf, very techy and can sort out the comp.

victory

Molly41 wrote: »

In some respects I have been in a similar situation with my eldest son. Here are my thoughts now two years on.
Many times I have been very close to kicking him out. However much I dislike him I still love him and it is my role to ensure that he can become a mature and capable adult. To that end, in my mind, it would have been easy to kick him out. I certainly would not have foisted him on someone else, be they friends or statutory agencies.. Instead I focussed on encouraging and supporting my son into employment when he decided that college was not for him. He has lost many jobs since then but is gradually learning the work culture and is trying hard now. However it has been a very rocky road and a learning experience for the whole family.

They dont suddenly and magically become an adult the day they turn 18 - its a time of transition and change. It is my role to enable him and all my children. I have said before that my youngest son is more mature and organised than my eldest and I probably will not have to offer such assistance to him.

Thank you, we have offered him endless assistant but he seems to think he is so hard done by cannot see the good that we do only the negative

lilac_lady

Time for some tough love, even if he can fix your PC!

victory

I know........................

shellsuit

victory wrote: »

Good- can be funny, intelligent, smart, handsome, very caring towards his gf, very techy and can sort out the comp.

The most important of all is missing from that list ~ respect.

Kick his backside and stop pandering to his moans and groans.

If it were my son (he's 15 and I HAVE done this), I wouldn't speak to him, till he can speak to me properly and I wouldn't do anything for him till he respects what I do for him.

victory

Done that without question, respect he lacks, now look what he is done.....

I keep getting text messages from his gf phone not signed, so can never prove it was him or her or a combination, it turns out he has gone bemoaning after our talk last night to her house that he will not be getting driving lessons for his 18th so they in turn and as thank you for all the decoration etc have said they will buy him some....

That is fab, let them but 2 things one he has made himself into a fibber because in the summer I paid cash to him to go and get his provisional and he spent it elsewhere later claiming 'what is the point? Can't afford the lessons, can't affor d the insurance, can't afford a car so what is the point?

He will get driving lessons from hs gf parents and I can bet you he will recieve them with a happy big smile and never say to them 'what is the point of you giving me a couple of lessons because....

We never said he could not have driving lessons and has gone hard done by to them making us look as if we will not or cannot afford a 18th present.

We have never denied him, sure financially we have had to stage month by month what he thinks he needs asparents have to, I have 2 and a house to run not just for him but now he has done this, you can understand I can have the right to loose patience with him and pull back from giving him an allowance monthly, helping him out whatever because what is the point when he goes and belittles me, hard done by me round his gf house?

victory

For the record I apologize to everyone who has lost patience, thinks I am not listening, thinks I am a woose and a lot more besides, that I brought this on myself, that I am a terrible mother, that I keep repeating myself, I am sorry, close this thread, if you see my name Victory on a start up of another thread please do not come into it, I can honestly say I am grateful to you all, I HAVE read every single one, have talked to OH about it, he has agreed to a monthly allowance for what I can see a lazy blah blah son taking money off usfor nothing, I can see he can't have a single penny.

I agree with the name calling other people have said, I would get slated if I just put all his negatives and people would come on a d say well he can't be all bad, you just can't win.

I am sure people will think it is my fault he went behind my back and spent in the summer my money that I gave him for his provisional, I am sure you will have it is as my fault because I never went to the post office with him to pick the form up, filled it out and then gave him the money, that is treating him like a tiny baby but then again he is a man according to some and should not have to be shaperoned.

The texts says that will I make surethat he gets his provisional so that their driving lessons present is valid and can go ahead, so this time off to the post office I go?

Whatever I have said is wrong, whatever I have tried to do is wrong, I have stated facts, that is moaning, I have tried every which way and have lost patience, still have to keep him here, not wanting sympathy of any kind, I reap what I sew, I have a son like this deal with it, yep, it is all me, his views, character and way of seeing the negative has caused him endless heart ache and me pulling my hair out, I made him what he is, yep, he is blameless.

I have a snake of a son who has gone bleating to his gf parents how hard done by he is, yep my fault also.

All we cannot do for him is pander to his high needs, such a crime?

victory

His list for his 18th compromise all the way- contract blackberry £30 monthly for 2 years- no, phone off ebay with a few months pay as you go until you get a job.

Holiday in benidorm with mates -no, no compromise

Driving lessons- paid for provisional he spent it elsewhere, paying again for his 18th

Clothes- primark or burton compromise

He refused dinner out, cake cooked, clothes, decorated house

Money- wanted too much, £300 for party no can't afford it end of

Garden party- 70 coming no have not gotthe house for it, he put it on facebook too risky.

Offered him the chinese and all his mates-no he said

I have tried.