Would you ask your son to leave home?

somethingsgottogive

Do it, he really doesn't know how good he's got it. If you do it in as kind a way as possible as you said,let him know he's still loved very much but that you can't support him when he makes no effort, and if he's prepared to get a job/training etc you'd love to have him back) then hopefully it'll all work out for the best xx

easy

January20 wrote: »

I can't believe this thread. When I left for work, we were all having a very positive discussion which I was hoping was being helpful to the OP. I come back now and it's descended into benefit bashing, pettiness and nastiness. Some people should be ashamed of themselves!

I certainly agree with you about the above January

BUT

January20 wrote: »

If victory or any other poster needs help, needs to start a new thread, 20 threads, whatever, so what? If you don't like, walk away, go on another thread or another website.

As I said earlier in this thread, it is a bit frustrating - and pointless- for someone to keep posting the same problem over and over, and take no notice of the suggestions that we make to help.

I recognise that we don't HAVE to read them, but sometimes you don 't realise it's duplication until you start to read into the thread.

I think many of us feel for the OP & want to try to help her. We feel a little bit miffed if we suggest things to help, our suggestions are all put down or ignored, and the OP just starts a thread on the same subject again. Then it just seems like moaning.

Sambucus_Nigra

January20 wrote: »

Does it matter? Really?
And I actually prefer a brand new thread rather than having to trawl through the numerous posts in her other threads.

I can't believe this thread. When I left for work, we were all having a very positive discussion which I was hoping was being helpful to the OP. I come back now and it's descended into benefit bashing, pettiness and nastiness. Some people should be ashamed of themselves!

If victory or any other poster needs help, needs to start a new thread, 20 threads, whatever, so what? If you don't like, walk away, go on another thread or another website.

You are missing the point.

The OP posted about how rubbish her son is and when we point certain things out - he turns into an angel.

She doesn't need help does she, as he's a wonderful son. Hence - no problem.

balletshoes

victory wrote: »

We have given and taken money off him, we have given and taken things off him for his behaviour he has been punished but the monthly allowance even though I agree it is good cannot see why we should 'fund him' he should have a job that does that and we should be just the parents that help him out here and there, I am not sure an allowance would not make him lazier, less energetic to go seek a job.

If the only regular money you pay out for him is his football subs, well thats only about £30 a month - I'd give him that into his bank account and see how far he gets with it. Nothing else from you - at all. He's very fond of saying when he's 18 he's a man, so he can fund himself, like a man has to.

victory

January20 wrote: »

Does it matter? Really?
And I actually prefer a brand new thread rather than having to trawl through the numerous posts in her other threads.

I can't believe this thread. When I left for work, we were all having a very positive discussion which I was hoping was being helpful to the OP. I come back now and it's descended into benefit bashing, pettiness and nastiness. Some people should be ashamed of themselves!

If victory or any other poster needs help, needs to start a new thread, 20 threads, whatever, so what? If you don't like, walk away, go on another thread or another website.

Thank you:D

victory

easy wrote: »

I certainly agree with you about the above January

BUT



As I said earlier in this thread, it is a bit frustrating - and pointless- for someone to keep posting the same problem over and over, and take no notice of the suggestions that we make to help.

I recognise that we don't HAVE to read them, but sometimes you don 't realise it's duplication until you start to read into the thread.

I think many of us feel for the OP & want to try to help her. We feel a little bit miffed if we suggest things to help, our suggestions are all put down or ignored, and the OP just starts a thread on the same subject again. Then it just seems like moaning.

I am sorry you feel that way it is not my intention to be repetative or moany, I am sorry.

victory

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

You are missing the point.

The OP posted about how rubbish her son is and when we point certain things out - he turns into an angel.

She doesn't need help does she, as he's a wonderful son. Hence - no problem.

I am not sure any mother has a perfect son do they? My son has good and bad and have said so, not making him into an angel but not making him perfect either, that is the point.

claire16c

amyleannewalker wrote: »

I might be wrong but I think they were more worried that if they stopped the money altogether he would turn to crime to get the money he needed.



Agreed.

Oh I thought that too, but I thought the money was for the football mainly? Oh well I guess it doesnt really matter!

victory

balletshoes wrote: »

If the only regular money you pay out for him is his football subs, well thats only about £30 a month - I'd give him that into his bank account and see how far he gets with it. Nothing else from you - at all. He's very fond of saying when he's 18 he's a man, so he can fund himself, like a man has to.

OH and I have discussed it again, we agree a monthly allowance, happy people, a monthly allowance inclusive of his football subs, when he gets in he will be sat down and agreed a sum, monthly on the 1st day of each month to last for the month and as someone said to be treated as if he was an employer-no sob stories just the amount each month, taken off when he does get a job not indefinete.

victory

claire16c wrote: »

Oh I thought that too, but I thought the money was for the football mainly? Oh well I guess it doesnt really matter!

It dooes matter, it was for that reason, OH thought to take every last penny off him would be detrimental, as we all know if we have not got a single penny it is depressing, we did not want to give him nothing incase he thought of other ways to get it, like I have said in the grand scheme of things my son is not bad, he does not take drugs, or drink heavily, go to nightclubs all night, pick fights, is not a looter, a thief, etc, etc but he does have bad points, this need for more, this I have to have to be like my friends attitude.