Concern about safety/ well being of my daughter - advice appreciated

ses6jwg

delain wrote: »

Actually it would have been a hair strand test - hence your comment about dyeing hair! These can be used to test for drug use in the previous 12 months, so all they would have needed to do is test 5cm of hair for 5 months.

I don't know whether repeated dyeing would make a difference.

The report actually stated on it that the subject had said she had dyed her hair numerous times in the following 5 months and that this would impact on the result.

I did not believe it would make a difference.

Miss_Ratty

I have to say, that under these circumstances I would be very concerned also. Nothing may have happened, but I would question even the boy's maturity to think that it would be appropriate to bathe a child of someone I had been going out with for such a short time. But there is a whole bigger picture here. I understand that you are concerned, and you have every right to be, not just about this but the entire circumstances, and I would mirror what other posters have said regarding father's groups and contacting some helplines for advice and support, they are trained people who may be able to provide you with an outlet for your concerns and doubts, provide reassurance and advice on what steps you need to take to make sure that your child is provided a secure and loving upbringing. Best of luck, and try not to get wound up by people telling you to calm down etc...worry and concern are all part of being a parent, and a good parent cares and wants the best for their child. I hope everything works out for you and little one.

moomoomama27

Just_Plain_Jane wrote: »

I'm sure his daughter's welfare is worth it.

Of course it is, and hopefully it's something he will be able to persue, if he has the finances to do it.

Sorry but with respect, it's very naive to think you can just wander to a court, want custordy and get it! Believe you me, it costs thousands, and takes months and months if not years. It's not a simple task, and in the mean time I feel the OP has a genuine concern he wants help with in the short term.

ses6jwg

moomoomama27 wrote: »

Of course it is, and hopefully it's something he will be able to persue, if he has the finances to do it.

Sorry but with respect, it's very naive to think you can just wander to a court, want custordy and get it! Believe you me, it costs thousands, and takes months and months if not years. It's not a simple task, and in the mean time I feel the OP has a genuine concern he wants help with in the short term.

Exactly. I had to fight with all my might and put in a huge amount of overtime to pay the court fees so I could my daughter being used a bargaining chip and having contact moved every which way.

Now my ex, who is legally funded, can just waltse into court and demand the contact order be reduced and undo all the hard work I have done.

Louise03

I don't think the OP is being over-protective. The "step parent" is only 16 so could not of been in a relationship with mum for very long, far too soon for leaving him in sole charge of the child and bathing her.
OP follow your instincts and keep protecting your little girl.

moomoomama27

ses6jwg wrote: »

Exactly. I had to fight with all my might and put in a huge amount of overtime to pay the court fees so I could my daughter being used a bargaining chip and having contact moved every which way.

Now my ex, who is legally funded, can just waltse into court and demand the contact order be reduced and undo all the hard work I have done.

I can feel your pain, from experience I know this is tough. It's the finacial aspect that nearly almost makes it impossible. Just the cost of solicitors letters flying back and forth can wipe out any funds.

balletshoes

ses6jwg wrote: »

Exactly. I had to fight with all my might and put in a huge amount of overtime to pay the court fees so I could my daughter being used a bargaining chip and having contact moved every which way.

Now my ex, who is legally funded, can just waltse into court and demand the contact order be reduced and undo all the hard work I have done.

well not quite - your ex will get through the whole town's solicitors if she tries to do this without any reason (I have family experience with this). But yes, you could be in court regularly until your daughter is an adult.

make_me_wise

ses6jwg wrote: »

In January I found out that my ex partner had started a relationship with a 16 year old (Yes, she is a bit mental in the head).
However this weekend I asked her if she had a bath yesterday as I always do.

She said "Yes Daddy, Dave gave me a bath".

"OK" I said, "So Mummy and Dave gave you a bath?".

"No silly, Mummy was at work, Dave just me a bath on his own"

Now I don't want to be accused of over reacting, or trying to pick faults, but please can someone tell me whether I am going insane here.

Okay the way I see it is you are a great dad, very concerned for his little girl. Sounds like you have fought tooth and nail to maintain access to her. At 22 your ex is only 6 years older than this new boyfriend. So they are relatively close in age. She may not be looking at this guy, who others have said is mature, as basically a young kid.

If I were in your shoes I would not be to happy about the situation either. She has known him a while. Its not as if this is going on after a 2 week romance. Even so though, bathing a young child is not something most 16 year old boys would be to keen to do.

I will be honest and say that as I was reading your post, I kind of knew what was coming next, before I read it and it gave me shivers.
Basically whether you and the ex get on or not you are going to have to talk to her about your concerns about this new b/f bathing your daughter. What matters here is your childs welfare. The situation may be completely harmless and innocent and nothing to worry about. As her father though it is your job to protect her and if you are not happy about elements of her care you have a right to say so and to be heard. Talk to your ex or worry is going to turn to panic and stress.

Emmzi

ses6jwg wrote: »

It makes provision for 3 hours of contact every Sunday.

Every other weekend Friday to Sunday evening.

2 weeks during school holidays.

1 week at easter, an extra 48 hours at Xmas and Birthday period.

Is there actually a residence order?

ViolaLass

1. Does dying your hair remove traces of drugs in the hairs? (Genuine question. I had thought the answer would be no but since you mentioned it, OP, I'm now wondering)

2. If no drugs were found in the test, wouldn't that indicate that, at the very least, she'd stopped taking them? Wouldn't that be good?