Concern about safety/ well being of my daughter - advice appreciated

ellies_angel

kezzygirl wrote: »

bull crap.most abuse is conducted by step parents,not biological parents as they are able to detach and dont have that parent-child bond.

I wish that were true

Welshwoofs

heretolearn wrote: »

Get over yourself. You just feel jealous of another [STRIKE]man[/STRIKE] BOY doing 'dad' stuff with her.

Sorry, just had to correct that for you.


Me? I'd be asking what the hell is wrong with the ex's mental state to be striking up a relationship with a bloody school kid!

ses6jwg

Welshwoofs wrote: »

Sorry, just had to correct that for you.


Me? I'd be asking what the hell is wrong with the ex's mental state to be striking up a relationship with a bloody school kid!

One reason - "control". She can control and manipulate a school kid more easily than a grown up man.

She is extremely insecure and paranoid. The drug use has not helped this.

Part of the reason our relationship ended was that I would not allow her to control me.

As long as she has control, she is happy. Whether that be in a relationship, controlling the contact with my daughter, controlling her family (she cut off ties with her sister and Dad because they came to the party I put on for DD!)

Control is the most important thing in her life aside from DD. She does not have very much else, she is not very attractive any more, she has very few friends because her personality is so abrasive, she does not speak to her Dad or sister, she has very little in the way of money or qualifications, she does not work and has no hobbies. She has no interest in any of that. All she has is control inside her own little bubble and as long as she maintains it she is happy.

It is actually quite difficult to watch somebody you once loved turn into a social recluse and see their personality shift before your very eyes.

yvonne13_2

ses6jwg wrote: »

One reason - "control". She can control and manipulate a school kid more easily than a grown up man.

She is extremely insecure and paranoid. The drug use has not helped this.

Part of the reason our relationship ended was that I would not allow her to control me.

As long as she has control, she is happy. Whether that be in a relationship, controlling the contact with my daughter, controlling her family (she cut off ties with her sister and Dad because they came to the party I put on for DD!)

Control is the most important thing in her life aside from DD. She does not have very much else, she is not very attractive any more, she has very few friends because her personality is so abrasive, she does not speak to her Dad or sister, she has very little in the way of money or qualifications, she does not work and has no hobbies. She has no interest in any of that. All she has is control inside her own little bubble and as long as she maintains it she is happy.

It is actually quite difficult to watch somebody you once loved turn into a social recluse and see their personality shift before your very eyes.

I thought she was at work and that's why Dave gave your daughter a bath? so was she in the house then when the bathing took place?

1sue23

ses6jwg wrote: »

One reason - "control". She can control and manipulate a school kid more easily than a grown up man.

She is extremely insecure and paranoid. The drug use has not helped this.

Part of the reason our relationship ended was that I would not allow her to control me.

As long as she has control, she is happy. Whether that be in a relationship, controlling the contact with my daughter, controlling her family (she cut off ties with her sister and Dad because they came to the party I put on for DD!)

Control is the most important thing in her life aside from DD. She does not have very much else, she is not very attractive any more, she has very few friends because her personality is so abrasive, she does not speak to her Dad or sister, she has very little in the way of money or qualifications, she does not work and has no hobbies. She has no interest in any of that. All she has is control inside her own little bubble and as long as she maintains it she is happy.

It is actually quite difficult to watch somebody you once loved turn into a social recluse and see their personality shift before your very eyes.

And I suppose you are perfect

ses6jwg

yvonne13 wrote: »

I thought she was at work and that's why Dave gave your daughter a bath? so was she in the house then when the bathing took place?

She doesn't work. She tells DD she is "going to work" when she goes out etc.

ses6jwg

1sue23 wrote: »

And I suppose you are perfect

Far from it. Nobody is. But at least I try to be the best Dad i can.

jascrawf

A friend of mine got together with a man who she had known for over 10 years. He was like family to her two daughters as he'd been a family friend since before they were born. He used to work away every now and again and would be away for a year or two at a time.

After several months of living with my friend, her 2 daughters and their grandmother, the police turned up and arrested him right out of the blue. I was chatting to my friend on Skype at the time as she lives in Australia (we used to work together online as well as being great friends) and she left the microphone on.

I couldn't believe my ears. My friend was crying, her daughters were screaming and the police were shouting a lot. He was arrested for interfering with a 12 year old girl who lived opposite them.

Over the next few days it transpired that he had also failed to notify the police of his new address - his "work away from home" for such long periods had been prison sentences for interfering with 2 other children under the age of 10, one of which was a toddler.

It was such a shock for my friend. She trusted this guy implicitly and he acted like a father to her girls. Thankfully, they were fine. My friend is still suffering with the effect this has had on her.

I know you can't tar everybody with the same brush but she is YOUR daughter and it's far better to be safe than sorry. Follow your gut instinct

Steel_2

kezzygirl wrote: »

bull crap.most abuse is conducted by step parents,not biological parents as they are able to detach and dont have that parent-child bond.

Not true I'm afraid.

Where are you getting your figures from? As far as I'm aware, the key child protection statistics on this published by the NSPCC do not usually distinguish between a parent or a step-parent although I did find this which was published in 2007 by the NSPCC:

For the children who experienced sexual abuse in the family, the most common perpetrator was a brother or step-brother (38%), followed by a father (23%), by an uncle (14%), by a step-father (13%), by a cousin (8%), by a grandfather (6%) and by a mother (4%).

Do you have any more up to date information than this?

FattyBettyBoo

I really think that no matter how much you hate your ex, you really need to restore this relationship in terms of communication, and not even for your daughter's sake, but for your own peace of mind.

I have a 5 year old and me and her farther are not together. We live with my boyfriend and he lives with his girlfriend. In a perfect world I would never had spoken to him again after we spilt (he did some pretty awful things) but I had to for my daughter. I keep good communication going with him and have had him and his girlfriend over a couple of times, as it would drie me insane if she was spending nights with people who I didn't know (the girlfriend) and who I had no idea how they were living their life. She really isn't my kind of person but through spending some time with her I know my child is perfectly safe and she can be trusted if ever he is not there.

When my OH moved in my ex came round to meet him properly. My ex is really antisocial and squirmed the whole time, but did it to put his own mind at ease. We dont all spend a huge amount of time together, just enough to catch up on any big news, and this is enough for us both to fel at ease when the other couple has her. We are also all friends on FB as you can get a pretty good idea about someone from that )and we can share photos.

I know from personal experience whta it feels like to hate an ex but I think that if you could find anyway to restore some links you may sleep better at night.