Concern about safety/ well being of my daughter - advice appreciated

ses6jwg

Hello all,

I have just dropped my 4 year old daughter off after a lovely weekend together back with her Mum.

She said a few things this weekend which have had me a bit upset/ fraught.

Basically the background is that me and my ex do not get along for various reasons. Culminating in me taking her to court to get a contact order to see our daughter.

That's all fine. We do not speak directly as it always leads to confrontation and hurt on both sides.

I am 24 years old and my ex is 22.

In January I found out that my ex partner had started a relationship with a 16 year old (Yes, she is a bit mental in the head). For the sake of this thread we will call him Dave. Whilst concerned at first mutual friends and family ensured me that he is quite mature and is quite good with my daughter, so whilst I find it a bit uncomfortable there is not a lot I can do really as long as DD is safe that is fine. They are still in a relationship.

However this weekend I asked her if she had a bath yesterday as I always do.

She said "Yes Daddy, Dave gave me a bath".

"OK" I said, "So Mummy and Dave gave you a bath?".

"No silly, Mummy was at work, Dave just me a bath on his own"

Now I don't want to be accused of over reacting, or trying to pick faults, but please can someone tell me whether I am going insane here.

Is it:

A) Responsible to be allowing a 16 year old boy, who is a not a blood relative, to be looking after 4 year old girl without supervision.

Responsible to be allowing a 16 year old, who is not a blood relative, to be BATHING a 4 year old girl without her mother or other close relative being present.

Does anyone have any advice for me? I am genuinely at a loss as what to do.

I saw a video of EX snorting cocaine off a table outside DDs room last year, went to Social Services and they brushed it off and said there is nothing we can do.

I contacted EXs mother who I do not get on with, however on this occassion I thought my concerns were justified, but no response.

Don't even get me started on the fact that he practically lives there undeclared whilst ex claims every benefit under the sun!!!

Help?

McKneff

Why on earth did you get in touch with Ex Mother in Law.

I think youve probably fanned the flames a little there.

And why do you always ask your little girl if she had a bath yesterday???????
That in itself is strange to me

You really should be speaking to your ex wife, whether you get on with her or not, to voice your concerns.

And while your at it, if she is committing fraud, report her.

mikey72

I think at 16 he's going to more interested in the 22 year old.
But no, it's not a good thing to do.
I have no idea of how to proceed, but I'd be trying to limit contact again, as it's not a responsible act of parenting, and I wouldn't want my daughter in that situation.

(The benefits are nothing to do with this though, so that should be left alone until you have sorted the daughter out)

Tropez

In the case of A, I would say providing the child had mature supervision then there shouldn't be an issue over who was doing it. Plenty of teenage girls make a little bit of money babysitting kids who aren't blood relatives and therefore I don't see why it should be different for a male to supervise the child of someone he is in a relationship with.

In the case of B much more information would be required.

ses6jwg

McKneff wrote: »

Why on earth did you get in touch with Ex Mother in Law.

I think youve probably fanned the flames a little there.

And why do you always ask your little girl if she had a bath yesterday???????
That in itself is strange to me

You really should be speaking to your ex wife, whether you get on with her or not, to voice your concerns.

And while your at it, if she is committing fraud, report her.

!!!!!!?!

I ask her if she had a bath yesterday because I bath her every other night when she is with me.

McKneff

I have no idea of how to proceed, but I'd be trying to limit contact again, as it's not a responsible act of parenting, and I wouldn't want my daughter in that situation.

The little girl lives with her mother and the 16 year old, its father who is the NRP

McKneff

ses6jwg wrote: »

!!!!!!?!

I ask her if she had a bath yesterday because I bath her every other night when she is with me.

No need for the !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just didnt understand why you felt the need to ask her, that's all.

whitewing

Personally, I would not be happy with a 16 year old male supervising the bathing of my 4 year old daughter. I don't know what you can do about it though.

shazsarg1

ses6jwg

I think you have every reason to be concerned about your daughter. This guy is 16 and has only just become age of consent, so what is your ex doing with a 16 year old and allowing him to bath your daughter alone. For a 16 year old male to bath a 4 year old girl is out of character. Is he just bathing her or is he touching her whilst she is in the bath

I agree with clearingout you need to keep an eye on the situation and let your ex know you know what has happened and you are not happy about it.

Also find out if it is legal for a 16 year old to look after 4 year old child. I though it was illegal unless he or she is a registered, qualified child minder.

whitewing

Give the NSPCC helpline a call. I spoke to them recently about a child I knew and they were very good without being overdramatic: http://www.nspcc.org.uk/help-and-advice/worried-about-a-child/are-you-worried-hub_wdh72939.html

aliasojo

For goodness sake, does it really matter why he asked if she had a bath? It's general 4 year old type conversation! He's hardly going to be discussing the affairs of the world with her.

My has always called home to speak to our daughter before she goes to bed if he is working back/night shift. He askes the same banal questions every night.....what did you have for dinner/have you done your homework/are you having a bath. It's just chat.

OP I would not be happy. Speak to your ex, arguments or not. You have to voice your concerns.


Edit: Not getting at Kneff particularly, another poster has deleted their comments.