Concern about safety/ well being of my daughter - advice appreciated

balletshoes

ses6jwg wrote: »

Perhaps you should put yourself in my situation before you make sarcastic and unhelpful remarks.

wow - I didn't take that as sarcastic at all - fathers can and do successfully attain court-agreed residency of their children.

pinknfluffy0

heretolearn wrote: »

Ah - so your problem is not at all the boys' age, it is just having another man bathing your daughter. Honestly, you need to get over this one. If you get a new girlfriend is she going to be banned from doing anything like that with your daughter? Bathing her, helping her dress, taking her swimming, cuddles, tickle fights? Anyone coming in as a 'step-parent' role is going to do those things, whether you like it or not. It's not reasonable, and actually extremely offensive, to suggest that any man getting involved with your ex is a perve. And those like Weston Dave who talk about your daughter being in danger are just adding to your hysteria.

It is NOT in ANY WAY abnormal behaviour to give your partner's child a bath.

I've bathed my stepsons umpteen times. Am I a pervert then?

Get over yourself. You just feel jealous of another man doing 'dad' stuff with her. Move on. You will always be her dad and nothing anyone else does will ever change that. If she can have a good 'step' relationship as well be happy for her. Calling the NSPCC because your ex's boyfriend gave her a bath? Jeeeeeeeeeez. Get a grip. And as for them saying 'I can understand why you are concerned' that doesn't mean they agree there is any reason to be concerned, confirming someone's feelings back to them is just a standard communications technique. It is not a normal reaction to call the NSPCC at the thought of anyone male giving her a bath, it's just not.

How can he not be worried when the fact mums new boyfriend is the most likely person to abuse a child is always being told?

ses6jwg

Just_Plain_Jane wrote: »

What's the point worrying if you don't want to do anything about it? If you truly believe your daughter is in danger, go for custody as Emmzi suggested and was shot down in flames for.

You sound just like my ex, full of criticism, but when push comes to shove he won't take any responsibilty. It makes me sick.

How dare you talk to me about responsibility you don't even know me!

I already applied for custody after the drugs issue, I ordered a drugs test however the bumbling courts took 5 months to issue it and by the time she had enough time to dye her hair so many times all traces of the drugs were gone.

moomoomama27

I would have concerns about a 16 yr old lad being in sole charge of my daughter if I'm honest, but then I'm a really over protective parent!

I think as far as the bathing goes, that is something that's out of your control. Because that is part of being a step-parent, to parent! I used to give my husbands children a bath when they visited, they wer 3 and 5 at the time, and I was 21/22 yrs old. My husband used to bath my DD (his step-daughter) from the age of 3!

I don't think it's fair on your part to suggest that this is innaapropriate, I would be more concerned about the age than the bathing. I would doubt that unless your daughter talked in any way that would bring up a red flag to you that something untoward was going on! All you can do at this point is make sure you listen to what she says, without insinuation.

I will say that I agree with PP, step-parents aren't perverts!! I would be concerned about the fact they are caring for them properly, or treating them well (emotionally), but other than that, without any indicators, it is unfair and a bit wrong to think anything else is going to happen.

Threebabes

I wouldn't be happy with the situation. I would like someone suggested ring NSPCC for some advice. Hope you get sorted.

Not suggesting all young adults are untrustworthy. Im surprised a 16 year old could be bothered to bath a small kid, my son is 15 and I don't think he would be happy about it at all.

princessdreamer

pinknfluffy0 wrote: »

How can he not be worried when the fact mums new boyfriend is the most likely person to abuse a child is always being told?

A father is just as likely to be a sexual preditor as any other man, most abuse in the home is done by the bio father, then extended family and even siblings. Should we just ban men from being around children full stop.

ses6jwg

princessdreamer wrote: »

A father is just as likely to be a sexual preditor as any other man, most abuse in the home is done by the bio father, then extended family and even siblings. Should we just ban men from being around children full stop.

Please quote some stats for this as it doesnt tally with what I've read

moomoomama27

princessdreamer wrote: »

A father is just as likely to be a sexual preditor as any other man, most abuse in the home is done by the bio father, then extended family and even siblings. Should we just ban men from being around children full stop.

It saddens me that the first thought people can have about a step parent (normally a male one) is tat they want to abuse the children of their new partner! What a world we live in! While I'm not naive and would always be vigilant to listen to my children, and be open so they know they can tell me anything, I would hate for that to be my first thought!

My first worry, would be I hope they will love them, and care for them and not be spiteful, jealous etc of them!

neneromanova

Sorry people but if he came on here saying, I found out a while ago my daughter was being given baths by this 16 year old boy and it now transpires that he was doing discusting things to her you would all be like "well why didn't you do something/ring someone/take your child away at the time you found out about the bath". You hear about these kind of things happening and even 16 year olds doing it because kids aren't being brought up the right way anymore and have no respect for these kind of things. (cor that makes me sound years older :ROTFL: )

OP, I would just keep an eye on what is happening, or if you are really genuinely worried I would go for full custody like Emmzi said (Try and find the video for proof if you can) That way you know you have done all the best you can

princessdreamer

ses6jwg wrote: »

How dare you talk to me about responsibility you don't even know me!

I already applied for custody after the drugs issue, I ordered a drugs test however the bumbling courts took 5 months to issue it and by the time she had enough time to dye her hair so many times all traces of the drugs were gone.

Well if you have PR and there is no residancy order in place there was nothing stopping you keeping the child while you went through court.

As you said the courts ruled against you, social services found no issues and other than your attitude towards the mother,her partner and poor you having to pay for your child. I can't see an issue either.