Concern about safety/ well being of my daughter - advice appreciated

ses6jwg

They are not co-habiting legally because if they were she would be committing benefit fraud.

ses6jwg

Ravenlady wrote: »

Im confused as to why the mother would tell the child she is at work when in reality she has just gone out?

I must also be the only one who just runs the water, puts child in bath and leaves door open until they are suitably cleanish, finished playing or the bathroom floor cant take any more splashes. I have a downstairs bathroom so probably a lot easier to keep and eye but not actually need to be in the room.

I also would like to know what made you automatically think that him bathing her is or may have a sexual element to it?

Put yourself in the other guys shoes, at 16 yes he might be young but if you were his age would you find bathing a kid sexually thrilling! Yes he was videoed snorting coke but that doesn't mean he's a budding !!!!!.

Im also wondering if you actually spoke to SS, they have to follow up any call regarding welfare of a child and with actual evidence of drug abuse happening in the household they wont just leave it, they wont take the child away but they will do a home visit and keep regular tabs on the girls welfare through school/nursery.

Oh I can absolutely assure you I spoke to the waste of space called social services.

Ravenlady_2

Did they visit?

ses6jwg

Ravenlady wrote: »

Did they visit?

Yes and they said because the place was clean and there was food in the cupboards and my daughter seemed OK they would take no further action.

lynzpower

ses6jwg wrote: »

Yes and they said because the place was clean and there was food in the cupboards and my daughter seemed OK they would take no further action.

Did they give you any indication that they had actually discussed her cocaine use with her?

jetplane

Im also wondering if you actually spoke to SS, they have to follow up any call regarding welfare of a child and with actual evidence of drug abuse happening in the household they wont just leave it, they wont take the child away but they will do a home visit and keep regular tabs on the girls welfare through school/nursery.

In theory social services would visit and monitor the situation. In practice it is not uncommon to see a short report with the standard words quoted by the OP. 'House was clean and tidy, cupboards were full and child seemed happy' and the further action is writing a letter to the parent offering support if they need it.

Social Services are too busy responding to crisis situations to monitor every parent taking drugs.

BugglyB

There are some really excellent books you can get to read with your daughter, which will help protect her from any kind of predatory behaviour from anyone.

I can't recall the name of the one I had in mind but this kind of thing:

http://www.parentingpress.com/bk_safety.html

to talk about what kind of 'secrets' are good, and what kind are bad, and also how to react if someone is tickling you or touching you in a way you don't like.

You will never be able to control everyone she comes into contact with and to be honest the fact she told you means the boy didnt ask her to keep it a secret which is a good sign. You also have a responsibility to make sure you're reacting in a reassuring and normal way when she tells you things like that.

I do feel for you - must be horrid having to send her off when you're not sure of the environment shes going to.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Just to add my 2p's worth.

The fact the lad is 16 is IRRELEVANT. OP has already stated they would STILL have a problem no matter what age the lad was:

FattyBettyBoo wrote: »

Just out of curiosity, would you have a problem with him bathing her if he wasn't 16, i.e. if he was your age?

ses6jwg wrote: »

yes i would

(First/second page on this post)

SO - the whole "ooo he's 16" arguments are just plain daft - The bloke could be 25/30 and OP would STILL have a problem: simply because it is a bloke bathing a child.

At 13 I was babysitting during the day - at 15 I was baby sitting at night - WHICH INCLUDED BATHING CHILDREN. Does that make me a child abuser? Does it hell.

My DD is 4 - My OH bathe's her - He's 30. He isnt her dad - Lets all flog him because he MIGHT be a child abuser ..... Do you see where I'm going with this OP?

You have NO proof the child is in any harms way - which is why you havent been able to get a residency order. Your speculating.

How would you react if you had a GF and your ex insisted she was a child abuser because she helped get your DD dressed - your doing the exact same thing.

Oh and just thought you would like to know: When you dye your hair - it DOESNT remove traces of the drugs. The only way to do this is to shave your head (Think Britney Spears)

Source (In case anyone is interested): http://www.drugtestingnetwork.com/hair-testing.htm

jetplane

My DD is 4 - My OH bathe's her - He's 30.

Thought you were a single parent? and thats hardly an objective post after your own posts about your OH and DD and her dad and family dilemmas. I thought you would have had more empathy with the OP?

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

jetplane wrote: »

Thought you were a single parent? and thats hardly an objective post after your own posts about your OH and DD and her dad and family dilemmas. I thought you would have had more empathy with the OP?

Nope - Have an OH, he just doesnt live with me. Technically, because I live alone, I'm classed as a "single parent" (and no - before you start, We dont live seperatley for benefits - we both work our butts off and earn our own pennies) - My posts about DD and her father are completely different to this one - As im sure you will know if you have read them I've never ever accused my Ex's gf of being a child abuser. The post your refering to is that the Ex's GF screamed abuse at ME last year at DD's party and i dont want her ruining this years and was asking how to handle it should she turn up. I'm not sat there saying "oo ex's gf kicked off at me last year - shes violent - therefore she MUST be belting my child" but thank you for trying to use a completely unrelated post to support your comment

So no - I dont empathise with the OP. I think it's a huge over reaction and as OP has already stated they would have a problem because it is a male (not because of the age) then i think it is a bit of male pride going off. If the child had screamed when OP tried to bath her, or said something "odd" then yes by all means I'd be saying remove from mothers care. But she didnt - she simply stated that she'd been given a bath.