Concern about safety/ well being of my daughter - advice appreciated

make_me_wise

ses6jwg wrote: »

It makes provision for 3 hours of contact every Sunday.

Every other weekend Friday to Sunday evening.

2 weeks during school holidays.

1 week at easter, an extra 48 hours at Xmas and Birthday period.

I feel so sad for parents who are subjected to having such limitations on being around their own children. It must be heartbreaking trying to fight for having access to your daughter OP.

ses6jwg

make_me_wise wrote: »

I feel so sad for parents who are subjected to having such limitations on being around their own children. It must be heartbreaking trying to fight for having access to your daughter OP.

Structured contact is better than being told you can have her one day and not the next.

yvonne13_2

OP, hopefully the relationship with your ex and Dave will fizzle out, not every 16 year old wants to take on the responsibility of a small child when there friends come knocking.

Good on you for fighting tooth and nail for your daughter

aliasojo

make_me_wise wrote: »

As her father though it is your job to protect her and if you are not happy about elements of her care you have a right to say so and to be heard. Talk to your ex or worry is going to turn to panic and stress.

:T

Doesn't matter what anyone else on this thread thinks. That is the important part in bold.

Bumpmakesfour

I'm really shocked at some of the responses on here to the OP.In his position I'd be concerned too..call me over protective but I wouldn't want anyone my ex had known for just 6 months bathing my 4 year old alone ..never mind a 16 year old boy.
OP you sound like a great dad who has been through hell trying to keep regular contact with your child.God forbid something untoward was to happen and you hadn't acted on your concerns....people would be jumping on you for not following your instincts then wouldn't they :mad: It maywell be a totally innocent situation but you are her dad,there to protect her and I think it's absolutely reasonable to be concerned.
I reall can't imagine how hard it must be to have such strict limitations on the time you get with a daughter you love whilst having concerns over your ex and her drug habits/partner choice.It doesn't matter who thinks you're over reacting..at the end of the day this is YOUR daughter.I know it'd drive me insane not being with my kids,not knowing what was going on behind closed doors..sending big hugs x

ellies_angel

I think the way you worded this at the start hasn't helped with the responses you have received. People has made assumptions due to the tone you have used. The same assumptions you are making (or hinting at) about "Dave"

I deliver child protection training and can tell you for fact that most children who are abused are abused by someone they know. Most often a family member. Female as well as male.

You daughter has a bath every second night. It was bath night, mum wasn't home so "Dave" bathed her. Was your daughter quite happy telling you about this, did she come back unhappy, unusually quiet, did she appear to be keeping anything from you. If the she quite happy told you all about her day willingly, then I would say you have no concerns. You have phones the NESPC and they have given you advice. Good advice. I would not mention it to your daughter again, but have a quiet word with mum, meet "Dave" you never know he might be a nice guy (boy) who is providing a better duty of care than her mum. There are many children out there providing care to their parents at a very early age. 16 doesn't mean he isn't responsible

ses6jwg

ellies_angel wrote: »

I think the way you worded this at the start hasn't helped with the responses you have received. People has made assumptions due to the tone you have used. The same assumptions you are making (or hinting at) about "Dave"

I deliver child protection training and can tell you for fact that most children who are abused are abused by someone they know. Most often a family member. Female as well as male.

You daughter has a bath every second night. It was bath night, mum wasn't home so "Dave" bathed her. Was your daughter quite happy telling you about this, did she come back unhappy, unusually quiet, did she appear to be keeping anything from you. If the she quite happy told you all about her day willingly, then I would say you have no concerns. You have phones the NESPC and they have given you advice. Good advice. I would not mention it to your daughter again, but have a quiet word with mum, meet "Dave" you never know he might be a nice guy (boy) who is providing a better duty of care than her mum. There are many children out there providing care to their parents at a very early age. 16 doesn't mean he isn't responsible

thank you for a very measured response

kezzygirl

princessdreamer wrote: »

A father is just as likely to be a sexual preditor as any other man, most abuse in the home is done by the bio father, then extended family and even siblings. Should we just ban men from being around children full stop.

bull crap.most abuse is conducted by step parents,not biological parents as they are able to detach and dont have that parent-child bond.

space_rider

Kidscape has a website which may have useful information.

thegirlintheattic

ViolaLass wrote: »

1. Does dying your hair remove traces of drugs in the hairs? (Genuine question. I had thought the answer would be no but since you mentioned it, OP, I'm now wondering)

2. If no drugs were found in the test, wouldn't that indicate that, at the very least, she'd stopped taking them? Wouldn't that be good?

Short answer - No. Dying your hair will not affect a drugs test. The problem is likely the time between taking the drugs and the test. For most drugs a hair test will only show up those taken 7-90 days before, although if the OP ex had cut her hair quite short she could have removed the portion of the hair in the latter time scale. If you treat your hair with harsh chemicals - not normal colouring - you can reduce the levels of drugs but not get rid of them. These tests also only show up drugs reliably that have been taken on several occasions. It is possible to do a test that covers 6 months - but these are less common and also are vunreable to someone just cutting the older hair off.