Being asked for money as a gift

Torry_Quine

Miss2MrsC wrote: »

In the Greek culture the guests pin money onto the brides dress, and in the Italian culture the bride carries a satin bag into which the guests can put money. The British tradition used to be a gift list for starting your first home, but lots of couples live together first, and if you both lived seperately first you have TWO lots of everything. If the British tradition has morphed into twee poems about "presence not presents" and a general money pot instead of individual gifts, I don't mind (although I do agree some of the poems are awful!)
I've given an M&S voucher, a Next voucher and just cash to the recent weddings I've been to, and I don't mind at all because the people were my friends, they weren't presumptious about receiving presents, and I like that my contribution went towards something they would always associate with their special day (furniture and honeymoon respectively).
My future mother-in-law has said several times that we better put some sort of gift list in our invites (so one can assume family members have already been asking for ideas). I think I will use the twee line about "presence not presents" because I like it, but I've not yet thought how to phrase the rest of it. Also, I geniunely would rather have my family and friends there, gift or not!!

But then that is my opinion, and my wedding. Everyone is different. And good thing too, or the world would be very boring x

Love your signature as that's my ?birthday.

PootleFlump_3

74jax wrote: »

So, changing the thread 'a little', what is the nicest and kindest way of saying you truly don't require anything. We've been together 6 years, live together, have 2 homes (one rented out) and really really don't want anything. From reading on here people seem to be saying if you ask for nothing you get money. If you don't want money (and I don't mean to sound horrid or ungrateful by saying that) how do you stop people from 'thinking' they'll give us money?

I think if you dont want gifts or "need" anything you shouldnt say anything. If people decide to give money then they should be thanked. If they give a gift they should be thanked and if they give nothing then they should be thanked just for attending. I think it makes more of a deal out of it by saying that you dont want anything. Just leave the guests to make up their own mind about what they want to do. (When I say "you", Im talking generically)

Samileo_2

Some wedding gift poems can be done very tastefully - ours goes like this;

[FONT=&quot]We are sending out this invitation
In hope you will join a celebration
But if a gift is your intention
May we take this opportunity to mention
We have already got a kettle and toaster
crockery, dinner mats, and matching coasters
so rather than something we have already got
We would appreciate money for our honeymoon pot
But most importantly we request
That you come to our wedding as our guest.[/FONT]

I like it because it doesn't say we expect a gift but just says if they would like to give us one then this is what we'd prefer. We haven't got a lot of room in our flat so gifts of household items just wouldn't be appropriate and I'd hate for people to waste their money. The friends that I have shown think it's fine. What do people here think?

Sami
x

Torry_Quine

Samileo wrote: »

Some wedding gift poems can be done very tastefully - ours goes like this;

[FONT=&quot]We are sending out this invitation
In hope you will join a celebration
But if a gift is your intention
May we take this opportunity to mention
We have already got a kettle and toaster
crockery, dinner mats, and matching coasters
so rather than something we have already got
We would appreciate money for our honeymoon pot
But most importantly we request
That you come to our wedding as our guest.[/FONT]

I like it because it doesn't say we expect a gift but just says if they would like to give us one then this is what we'd prefer. We haven't got a lot of room in our flat so gifts of household items just wouldn't be appropriate and I'd hate for people to waste their money. The friends that I have shown think it's fine. What do people here think?

Sami
x

Sorry, still don't like it. I just don't think that there is a tasteful way to ask for things and certainly not for money.

Samileo_2

Having read through a lot of the discussions here, I am considering taking it out. I'm just worried that we will get items that will be wasted, and the last thing we want is people wasting their money. Hmmm is there another solution??

LittleMissInDebt

We asked for Euros for our honeymoon as we really didn't need anthing else. Basically our invite said if you want to get us something (although it's not expected) Euros would be nice. Most people did. Someone bought us a present, we already have two of this and it went straight to a charity shop (wasn't a toaster ) and my sister in law is making us a photo album of our day.

To be honest before I found out about this I'd already bought a voucher for a photobook so I could make it with my favourite photos and I was (and am) looking forward to this. I know she thinks she is being thoughtful and doesn't realise she's actually making my life difficult because I won't be able to show off the lovely photobook I make to the family now. A bit disappointed is an understatement

clearing_out_my_pockets

My aunt received an invitation to a wedding that stated "no boxed gifts". So she bought a box of chocolates and emptied the contents into a bag.

To put things into perspective, it was a last minute invite from a work colleague. The aunt normally does no gift or cash, but she objected to being 'told' to give money. The bride took it in the jokey manner it was intended.

LittleMissInDebt

Samileo wrote: »

Some wedding gift poems can be done very tastefully - ours goes like this;

[FONT=&quot]We are sending out this invitation[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]In hope you will join a celebration[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]But if a gift is your intention[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]May we take this opportunity to mention[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]We have already got a kettle and toaster[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]crockery, dinner mats, and matching coasters [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]so rather than something we have already got[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]We would appreciate money for our honeymoon pot[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]But most importantly we request[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]That you come to our wedding as our guest.[/FONT]

I like it because it doesn't say we expect a gift but just says if they would like to give us one then this is what we'd prefer. We haven't got a lot of room in our flat so gifts of household items just wouldn't be appropriate and I'd hate for people to waste their money. The friends that I have shown think it's fine. What do people here think?

Sami
x

I like it too, if people don't then they will buy you some charity shop donations or give you nothing, but those like me who would rather give something useful, will give money for your honeymoon and you can use it to make some great memories.

74jax

PootleFlump wrote: »

I think if you dont want gifts or "need" anything you shouldnt say anything. If people decide to give money then they should be thanked. If they give a gift they should be thanked and if they give nothing then they should be thanked just for attending. I think it makes more of a deal out of it by saying that you dont want anything. Just leave the guests to make up their own mind about what they want to do. (When I say "you", Im talking generically)

Thank you, yes I totally agree and will just delete the whole thing I wrote and say we would like nothing when asked. Just thought if our website said we didn't want anything it would save people asking us. Found the link to what we wrote so what I'm waffling on about will make more sense. But thank you loads :T

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3433767

74jax

Samileo wrote: »

Having read through a lot of the discussions here, I am considering taking it out. I'm just worried that we will get items that will be wasted, and the last thing we want is people wasting their money. Hmmm is there another solution??

I don't think so! I thought asking people to donate to charity was a good idea, after this thread I've deleted my page and going with a polite we don't want anything thankyou, think it's the best way to go