Being asked for money as a gift

Sammy85_2

hock79 wrote: »

I'm shocked at the amount of people who would be so ungrateful as to ebay or send it to a charity shop straight away!

Agreed, we received many things we already have, but the new bits and pieces are nicer and we now use them for "sunday best".

What shocks me are the people who have said they would refuse to attend a wedding where the bride and groom requested money in lieu of traditional gifts.

When i receive an invitation i feel honoured to have been invited to share in such a special occasion, and to me the fact that a gift list has been included is for my convenience should i choose to give a gift, and not because they expect a gift. The mention of money being preferred to me simply means there are no awkward conversations and i know exactly what they would prefer, should i CHOOSE to give a gift. I would never take it as them being greedy or requiring a gift in exchange for me attending (although i would never attend without giving a gift but that is my choice).

74jax

coolcait wrote: »

The cutesy poem says "oh, we're not expecting you to give us a present. All we want is your presence".

The subtext says instead would really appreciate some money or vouchers so we can choose something that we need or want and that won't end up in the local charity shop in a few months."

I think it's that kind of subtext that people are reacting to.

But what if there isn't any subtext, what if you genuinely do not want money, a gift or anything. Yes as mentioned you would always need washing powder etc but my guests could have kept the £5 washing powder and been £5 richer.
I feel people offend by saying 'we don't have a gift list as we genuinely don't require anything thank you very much'.
Yes if someone gives a gift I would obviously be extremely grateful, but if we already have 2 (2homes merged into one) a third will not be used - I know that sounds bad.
I'd just like a way that guests understand there is no subtext 'please give me cash', because I'd rather they kept it for themselves.

Minimoo24

here Jax,

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/50-x-Personalised-Wedding-Charity-Money-Poem-Cards-/160641233635?pt=UK_Home_Garden_Celebrations_Occasions_ET&var=&hash=item6b1be676a5

and any one who wants to say thats wrong, can shove it. lol

Samileo_2

I really like the idea of the basket with useful household items! Might even inspire me to do a bit of cleaning LOL

double_mummy

hmmmmm im on both sides

the problem is we are a very listy family - if you do not submit your xmas or birthday list at least 6 weeks before the date of xmas or said bday you get nothing. all of us ask for things we want rather than people spending money on things you may not like, there are always a few curve balls in their (offensive sweets usually) but it seems to work well with us

so i think all my family will be demanding a list - OHs family are being told not to bring anything but themselves and a couple of little things from israel (some coffee and my OHs and kids fave crisps etc wont cost more than £20 between 22 of them)

friends i have no idea about they are my problem! dont know whether to ask for cash or honeymoon or gifts or say nothing and (i know my friends ) they will bug me until i say something no matter how stupid

hmmmm actually annoying sitting down thinking about it kinda changed the way i was thinking all within 1 post lol

donnap83

I was planning to ask for gift cards/vouchers from a couple of stores to allow us to buy stuff. We need a few larger items to furnish or new home (when we move) so rather than slap a £100 tv unit on a gift list, we can use several gift vouchers from people to purchase the unit.

Or should we just do a gift list and hope for the best?! I'm wondering who will buy us the 32" TV we want? :rotfl:

Shalva

Here in Israel it is the given thing that everyone gives money. The wedding venues all have secure boxes for the guests envelopes and I know a lot of people use the money to pay for the wedding itself:eek:!!!
People usually give what they assume the meal to cost X the number of people attending......There is a site in hebrew called "How Much" that has aroung 7 catagories to fill in----like no. of guests, closeness to couple,income or self employed. day of wedding[with thursday being most expensive\ ,if its in a hall, outside or home....ect........it then calculates what is recommended to give!!!!!!

When we got married almost 30years ago we recieved gifts from the small english side that attended but my MIL rang us at 8 the morning after so my OH could tell her how much her family had given!It all gets written down so the "correct " amount can be returned at future weddings!!!!!!!

None of our children are married yet and my dream would be for a small wedding in our garden.....heres hoping..........

donnap83

Shalva wrote: »

Here in Israel it is the given thing that everyone gives money. The wedding venues all have secure boxes for the guests envelopes and I know a lot of people use the money to pay for the wedding itself:eek:!!!
People usually give what they assume the meal to cost X the number of people attending......There is a site in hebrew called "How Much" that has aroung 7 catagories to fill in----like no. of guests, closeness to couple,income or self employed. day of wedding[with thursday being most expensive\ ,if its in a hall, outside or home....ect........it then calculates what is recommended to give!!!!!!

When we got married almost 30years ago we recieved gifts from the small english side that attended but my MIL rang us at 8 the morning after so my OH could tell her how much her family had given!It all gets written down so the "correct " amount can be returned at future weddings!!!!!!!

None of our children are married yet and my dream would be for a small wedding in our garden.....heres hoping..........

Is it a pretty garden? I'll come and getting married in it! :rotfl:

sammy_wheeler

ive seen many four weddings that show the bride having money pinned on there dress! and its not £5s its like £50 notes! imagine how much they get!!

roses

I can't believe how many people are offended by giving money. Surely it's a couple's right to ask for what they want and it's your right to give/not give.

I asked for cash for my wedding and have no regrets. I bought my house in 2003 and don't need toasters, kettles, cutlery, vases etc. So instead of having a gift list of items I don't want or need with the average item costing £50+ as seems the norm with most gifts, I asked for cash for home improvements and I was really happy with the £0-£150 I got from my guests. This website is about being MSE and I chose to spend my gifts on what I want, not a list of useless gifts that half of which I will never use just because some people find cash, which could be put to good use, is offensive.

clearing_out_my_pockets wrote: »

My aunt received an invitation to a wedding that stated "no boxed gifts". So she bought a box of chocolates and emptied the contents into a bag.

To put things into perspective, it was a last minute invite from a work colleague. The aunt normally does no gift or cash, but she objected to being 'told' to give money. The bride took it in the jokey manner it was intended.

But it's ok to be "told" to give a gift via a gift list? Sorry, I just don't see what the difference is.