Being asked for money as a gift

Ravenlady_2

MandyMoo22 wrote: »

forget it you lot have nothing better to do than pick fault at people. tell us your plans then we will tell you how horrid and tacky they are then be pleased yeah?!

Go back and read post one, a lot of people are in agreement with the OP, the general consensus is that the poems ARE tacky. Im sorry no one is agreeing with you but it is in no way shape or form bullying.

DaisyFlower

Ravenlady wrote: »

How is asking guests to contribute towards your honeymoon any better than using the cash to recoup costs of the wedding? Neither are guests responsibility to pay for, and I would resent being asked to.

Agree completely. Not only do the guests often have to pay for outfits, the bar, travel and possibly hotels but then they are expected to hand over cash as well as the bride quite fancies going away or filling her bank account back up.

I've seen some of the poems in invites, they are simply awful and grasping and makes me revise my opinions of people.

74jax

OMG total minefield.................. and I've only missed an afternoon's reading on here.

rosie-lee

kacy1988 wrote: »

we're not asking for anything. we're not putting anything on invites.
we have told the mums and those that ask that we would like argos vouchers if they are compelled to get us something as we would like a new bed / bed linen any way. a couple of relatives want to give us a "thing" rather than a voucher so i will set up a gift list of bedlinen etc but only tell people IF they ask!!
BUT we have said we really dont want anything. most people wont take this for an answer though!

You'll probably find (and I hope you do!) that you'll end up with a lovely amount of money totalled up from people attending your wedding. And I have no doubt that you and new hubby will find something to spend it on, which suits you.

The difference will be that the money given to you will have been done so with generosity and good intentions.

The people who have 'asked' for it in whatever format will have put the guest in an uncomfortable position from the start. From people I have spoken to at weddings, it never given with the same sort of generous spirit.

It is customary in England to take a gift when invited to a wedding. I don't need this pointing out to me. It has never been customary to 'ask' for gifts and I find this modern day etiquette quite sad.
As a guest, you don't want to look tight but have usually forked out a small fortune just to attend anyway. When not formally asked, I give an amount I can comfortably afford. When its requested you feel like there'll be a league table of who gave how much, ie. if you don't put in the norm the B&G will think you are mean. Takes all the pleasure out of giving to me. I attended a wedding where the 'right' amount was even a discussion point at the table.... now that's tacky!!

The invite states that they are not expecting anything at all just my 'presence' but the fact that the suggestion of giving money has been so thoughtfully presented to me, leads me to understand that this, is not in fact, the case, otherwise why would you have mentioned that you would appreciate cash in the first place. Show me a gift list or leave it to me and my descretion. As a guest at your wedding, I'd like to think I'd know the B&G well enough to ascertain what's a good gift for them. Quite often, I will think that a cash gift would be most appreciated.


Biggest bug bear to me is when is asked for to do something practical like a new bathroom, furniture or whatever is .... why are you spending all this blooming money on a wedding then!?!

74jax

So, changing the thread 'a little', what is the nicest and kindest way of saying you truly don't require anything. We've been together 6 years, live together, have 2 homes (one rented out) and really really don't want anything. From reading on here people seem to be saying if you ask for nothing you get money. If you don't want money (and I don't mean to sound horrid or ungrateful by saying that) how do you stop people from 'thinking' they'll give us money?

rosie-lee

The final staw for me was getting one of those poems for a Christening !!!!!

I was mortified to be advised in a flowery way, that they didn't want any christening tatt presents but just money for babies account. I was not at all reassured that they just wanted my presence and not my presents.

The thing is, that it is the norm amongst our family and friends to put money toward the childs savings account for Christenings, so WHY the need to ask and send a little roll of paper on the subject.

Torry_Quine

Mrs_Moore_To_Be wrote: »

We had this on the invites:

We are sending out this invitation

In the hope you will join our celebration

But if a gift is your intention

May we take this opportunity to mention

We have already got a kettle and toaster

Crockery, dinner mats and matching coasters

So rather than something we have already got

We would appreciate money for our honeymoon pot

If you miss the list closing date

Then don’t worry you can wait

For 30th April, our wedding day

When some US dollars will help us on our way

But most importantly we request

That you come to our wedding as our guest.

***

If you wish to visit our online gift registry please go to:

https://payments.travelcounsellors.com/

Our account reference is XXXXXX.

Alternatively we will have secure wedding post box on the day.

Then this on the website:
Thank you for visiting our page. We are really looking forward to celebrating our marriage and hope to see as many of our family and friends there as possible. The most important thing to us is having you there as our guest to help us mark the occasion in style, however, in response to questions about gifts we have set up this wedding gift list whereby contributions can be made towards our honeymoon, which is an adventurous road trip around West Coast America. We really wanted our Honeymoon to be a ‘once in a lifetime’ trip and your contribution would enhance our time there, and also hopefully make it possible for us to book a few honeymoon luxuries, such as a historic trip to Alcatraz, a helicopter tour over the Grand Canyon, a show in Las Vegas or cocktails in Hollywood!
We can't emphasise enough that sharing our wedding celebrations with you is what matters to us the most; look forward to seeing you on April 30th when we take the plunge!

For the record we could afford the wedding and honeymoon and had paid the honeymoon off and had spends to take as we didnt 'assume' we we could 're-coup' the cash. The money we got (which we were staggered at) enabled us to do some amazing things when we were there.

So people knew their money wasnt 'frittered' away we sent handwritten thank you cards to everyone detailing what their contribution on the day/or online enabled us to do, specifically. i.e show in vegas, alcatraz trip etc. We also sent them this link with their card:
http://www.ourhoneymoon.moonfruit.com/
Which is a blog we kept while away so people could see where their money went.

I can honestly say we had no bad feedback of how we handled in, in some cases people kept making sure we would open their card before we went as they had put money inside!

Hope this helps someone!

I'm sorry but personally I think that is truly awful.

74jax wrote: »

So, changing the thread 'a little', what is the nicest and kindest way of saying you truly don't require anything. We've been together 6 years, live together, have 2 homes (one rented out) and really really don't want anything. From reading on here people seem to be saying if you ask for nothing you get money. If you don't want money (and I don't mean to sound horrid or ungrateful by saying that) how do you stop people from 'thinking' they'll give us money?

You just don't ask for anything and accept what is given in the spirit of the gift. If you don't want the money that some may give you then give it to charity

74jax

Torry_Quine wrote: »

You just don't ask for anything and accept what is given in the spirit of the gift. If you don't want the money that some may give you then give it to charity

That's what I wrote in the thread on here (sorry I've lost the link but it's on here somewhere :rotfl:) i'd just like my guests to realize that if we are given money then we will donate to RNLI or Stroke Association and that we really do just want them to attend without giving money.

Thanks for the reply though.

Miss2MrsC

In the Greek culture the guests pin money onto the brides dress, and in the Italian culture the bride carries a satin bag into which the guests can put money. The British tradition used to be a gift list for starting your first home, but lots of couples live together first, and if you both lived seperately first you have TWO lots of everything. If the British tradition has morphed into twee poems about "presence not presents" and a general money pot instead of individual gifts, I don't mind (although I do agree some of the poems are awful!)
I've given an M&S voucher, a Next voucher and just cash to the recent weddings I've been to, and I don't mind at all because the people were my friends, they weren't presumptious about receiving presents, and I like that my contribution went towards something they would always associate with their special day (furniture and honeymoon respectively).
My future mother-in-law has said several times that we better put some sort of gift list in our invites (so one can assume family members have already been asking for ideas). I think I will use the twee line about "presence not presents" because I like it, but I've not yet thought how to phrase the rest of it. Also, I geniunely would rather have my family and friends there, gift or not!!

But then that is my opinion, and my wedding. Everyone is different. And good thing too, or the world would be very boring x

candygirl

LMAO.I've just found OH's Sis' tacky begging poem on a website with wedding invite poems:D:D:D