Away for weekend - MIL blew all emergency money

[Deleted User]

thegirlintheattic wrote: »

OP I feel for you. My cat has to be put to sleep this week and I only found out a few days ago as I had been on holiday and my parents who were looking after him did not want to ruin it.

If the cat had been taken to the vets would it have been saved? If not, there is no use arguing over it.

Thing is I think poor old cat would most likely have been put down anyway by the sounds. But the point is, we dont know that for sure and we dont know how much longer he had to suffer for. Thats whats most upsetting......

I can see how its upsetting for you and your cat too. Thats awful. At least you had someone to take him to the vets and I'm sure the best was done for him.

I can see how maybe MIL wasnt sure what to do for the best but I really dont understand why she didnt call us. We were out at a music festival but made sure she had both mob numbers, we made sure both phones were charged every day, we rung her to check etc. I just dont understand her thinking at all.....

Really annoyed with other family too. They knew the score and not one of them said ok lets take cat to vet. Wifes brother lives 5 mins away as well and he knew cat was ill...

Gigglepig

I know what you mean - I don't readily spend other people's money either.

But - Maybe she thought the money was for her to have a comfortable weekend break as well :-)

If she was doing you a favour and baby sitting for free all weekend, why begrudge her a taxi trip so she could do so in more comfort? Perhaps the 8yo was wearing her out a bit at the time or something.

I see why it is irritating but don't think it is worth falling out over.

[Deleted User]

Any wrote: »

Suddenly it's all in slightly different light.
Did your MIL even know you consider the cat your pet???? The cat was astray cat that you sometimes left food for outside and your MIL doesn't live with you so she might have not realise?

And was it still alive when you got home? Did she even realise how ill the cat was? (given that she looke rough according to you sometimes before).

I would take next door neighbour cat to the vet if it looked ill, but not sure I would take any cat to the vet that I saw on my garden..

No. She knows the cat well and knows exactly the score with him.

Yeh, cat always looks rough but can get around. Cat was very ill from what she described. Normally he doesnt like being picked up but she picked him up. And his leg was badly swollen.

All the silly woman did was feed him and wrap him in a tea towel. Great, eh?

Sounds like late Sunday then after she'd left him under a bush in the back garden he decided to go elsewhere. No sign of him when we came home, and no sign of all day yesterday. Found him dead near the house last night.

I know MIL is old but sometimes I do wonder how her head works.

Amanda65

[quote=[Deleted User];46315023]Son is almost 8.

Yeh. Money is not the issue. If she needed to spend it to entertain him, feed him or her then fine. My issue is she spent it on things which she wouldn't normally. Normally her money stays well and truly put and never sees light of day.

Its all about respect. If someone gives you their money, you don't waste it because you can and its not your money. That's taking advantage. You look after it as you're own. Most people go the other way and spend less than they need to in fact - I know if roles were reversed I would.

She got a taxi because she couldn't be bothered - pure and simple. If it was her money, she'd rather walk 5 miles if a bus didn't turn up (and she has in the past). With my money she couldnt wait 20 mins for a train and walk 50 yards.[/QUOTE]


I agree - you do respect other people's money but you left this money for her to entertain your son (got his age from the previous posts when you'd said he was 5 but didn't check how old that was - sorry) and I think you really are being a bit unfair as maybe she was just trying to make sure he had a nice time. The lesson to learn from this surely is not to leave MIL in charge again (and it sounds as thoguh your wife will support you in this now) - but could be a while until you get to go to a festival again by yourselves .

Tropez

I haven't read through the replies yet.

From my point of view, your MIL has behaved grossly inappropriately. First of all, on many occasions, both when I lived with mum and since I've moved into my own place, I've been asked to keep everything running in my mum's house. She always leaves some "emergency" money and it always, never, gets touched because as of yet nothing has struck me as being an emergency.

Secondly, when she had pets, if one became ill, the first thing I would do would be to get it to the vets and if necessary put any charges on my credit card and sort it all out later because I'd never want to greet my mum back with bad news without having at least done my best to prevent it from happening. An ill pet would probably class as an emergency too in my mind.

neverdespairgirl

thegirlintheattic wrote: »

In addition for this you could always leave an envelope with emergency cash in hidden somewhere. Tell your MIL or babysitter to call in an emergency then if they need the money tell them where it is hidden. My parents used to do this when I was a teen, never needed it thankfully.

Why did your parents not just tell you where it was?

My parents always had £300 in the house, stashed in 3 different lots, and we all knew where it was, and none of us every took advantage!

Amanda65

Tropez wrote: »

I haven't read through the replies yet.

From my point of view, your MIL has behaved grossly inappropriately. First of all, on many occasions, both when I lived with mum and since I've moved into my own place, I've been asked to keep everything running in my mum's house. She always leaves some "emergency" money and it always, never, gets touched because as of yet nothing has struck me as being an emergency.

But she was looking after their son (aged 7) and the money was used taking him out and about on trips / meals etc. not just there 'to keep the house running'.

Tropez

Amanda65 wrote: »

But she was looking after their son (aged 7) and the money was used taking him out and about on trips / meals etc. not just there 'to keep the house running'.

And how is this an emergency?

The OP said, clearly, he had left her money for food, taking the son out and emergencies, so clearly, she has taken the mick with how much she has chosen to spend.

thegirlintheattic

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

Why did your parents not just tell you where it was?

My parents always had £300 in the house, stashed in 3 different lots, and we all knew where it was, and none of us every took advantage!

We have a family member who is, lets say, not the nicest of people and I was young and easily-led/non-confrontational. It was best for all concerned.

Amanda65

Tropez wrote: »

And how is this an emergency?

The OP said, clearly, he had left her money for food, taking the son out and emergencies, so clearly, she has taken the mick with how much she has chosen to spend.

I guess it depends on how it was worded when the money was left. If it was 'This sum is for the weekend and the amount in the other envelope to use in emergencies' then maybe she has taken the mick but if she was told 'Here's money for food etc. and this is in case you run out' she may have taken it that they were happy to have it spent as long as it was on entertaining son. I will make a sweeping assumption here (possibly incorrectly) that you don't have children - a day out can cost a fortune (cinema and a pizza for them both and you've spent £40) and maybe Nanny found it easier to entertain a 7 year old boy on her own out of the house. She may also have been nervous about losing him on public transport / not be familiar with the area as she lives 20 miles away, hence the taxis

At the end of the day, what's done is done. Personally my parents wouldn't have taken money for looking after my children (not that we've asked very much - I think we had two weekends away together up until DD1 was 15 :rotfl::rotfl:) but I realise I am very lucky. There seems to be two completely different issues here - the money and the cat - and I think that, sadly, the OP and his wife either have to confront MIL and say how upset they are or put it down to experience (which is very sad with regards to the cat) and not let MIL look after son again.