Away for weekend - MIL blew all emergency money

make_me_wise

[quote=[Deleted User];46311255]Molly,

You make a good point. She is doing us a favour ultimately and we do trust her. But its not all one way - wife is good to her so for me thats what families do - they look after each other.

Its just that sometimes she doesnt think of others. In this case, she failed to use her head and think of the cat, and spent the money without any thought. Like I said shes never paid for a taxi in her life so why start now with my money! Dont get me wrong if she missed the bus/train got stuck somewhere or whatever then I'd pay for taxi without a moments thought.

If the cat had cost me £200 then so be it. Its not a waste of money. What is annoying is someone frittering you're money away on needless things like taxis because they can !!!!

You shouldnt have to worry about your family taking advantage or being selfish or screwing you for money!!!! That's my big point.... Most people wont treat an employers money (i.e. expenses ) like that let alone a family member!!!!

Like I said in another post, she 'bothered' us by phoning us to tell us her mobile was playing up and the train was busy but she was having a bad day. But the cat wasnt important to her so she didnt tell us even.

I really dont understand still why she didnt ring us. Wife phoned her on Friday (apparently cat was ill then) but she didnt even mention it. I appreciate shes old but if she didnt know what to do then ask us. To be honest, if we'd known friday, we'd have phoned vet, phoned other family to help etc or even come home. Unfortunately, shes got a bit of a history of not being sensible in situations like this.[/QUOTE]

I agree with everything you have put in this post. Must question why you trust her to care for your son when she cant be sensible enough to care properly for a cat though.

melancholly

the same advice comes up every time and yet the same situation keeps arising. there's no point investing any more time trying to help as you're not doing anything about the situation. time for tough love! lots of helpful suggestions on here haven't helped you one bit.

you can continue to let this run and just learn to cope with it, or you can do something about it. it's your call to make. no extra posts of suggestions on here will do anything if you don't do anything.

euronorris

Amanda65 wrote: »

And not sure where you live, but I have never had a bill under about £75 from my vets !!!!

I took them amount from an earlier post, made by the OP, which referenced the vet cost as 30 quid.

I have no pets, so no idea how much a trip to the vet would cost. But, as with most things, I imagine the cost varies greatly between areas and vets.

thegirlintheattic

euronorris wrote: »

I took them amount from an earlier post, made by the OP, which referenced the vet cost as 30 quid.

I have no pets, so no idea how much a trip to the vet would cost. But, as with most things, I imagine the cost varies greatly between areas and vets.

A consultation is usually between £25 and £40 depending on area. There is then an extra change for treatment.

OP I feel for you. My cat has to be put to sleep this week and I only found out a few days ago as I had been on holiday and my parents who were looking after him did not want to ruin it.

If the cat had been taken to the vets would it have been saved? If not, there is no use arguing over it. If so, make it clear to MIL what she should have done and how upset you are, maybe suggest she purchases a new cat for the family (get some of the 'emergency' money back).

In the future, given your MIL past, if might be better to take your son with you or arrange other child care as your MIL doesn't appear to be able to really deal with looking after your son and treating your property with respect.

Any

Suddenly it's all in slightly different light.
Did your MIL even know you consider the cat your pet???? The cat was astray cat that you sometimes left food for outside and your MIL doesn't live with you so she might have not realise?

And was it still alive when you got home? Did she even realise how ill the cat was? (given that she looke rough according to you sometimes before).

I would take next door neighbour cat to the vet if it looked ill, but not sure I would take any cat to the vet that I saw on my garden..

the_cat

[quote=[Deleted User];46311255] Unfortunately, shes got a bit of a history of not being sensible in situations like this.[/QUOTE]

Let me be blunt. She is not the one at fault here. You know from previous experience that she is not equipped to deal with emergencies appropriately

Yet you are perfectly happy to leave your child in her sole care so that you can enjoy a frivilous weekend away. :mad:

The cat was the unlucky recipient of her mistakes this time. Next time it might be your son........ STOP putting yourself first and leaving her in charge of your child when you know she is not capable

Sambucus_Nigra

[quote=[Deleted User];46307577]almost three figures.[/QUOTE]

So less than £100 then. That really does not go far these days.

Gigglepig

If you left <100 pounds without explicitly saying that only x amount was for her to spend, then I don't think it was unreasonable for her to spend it all? It is a quite generous sum, but on the other hand you got free babysitting out of it. Some nice food, transport, activities, maybe some presents for your child would quickly add up to 100ish over 2 1/2 days.

Next time only leave a sum you are actually happy for the person to spend... then there is no confusion.

Many people are lucky to have in-laws who happily babysit for free and would not take any money towards expenses, and even have filled your fridge for when you come home... yet others get no help at all from their in-laws whatsoever and would need to pay for childcare.

thegirlintheattic

Gigglepig wrote: »

Next time only leave a sum you are actually happy for the person to spend... then there is no confusion.

In addition for this you could always leave an envelope with emergency cash in hidden somewhere. Tell your MIL or babysitter to call in an emergency then if they need the money tell them where it is hidden. My parents used to do this when I was a teen, never needed it thankfully.

[Deleted User]

Amanda65 wrote: »

I think that not taking the cat was negligent, but maybe she genuinely didn't realise it was as ill as it was. And if it doesn't come indoors and isn't really your cat perhaps she didn't realise how important it was to you ? People without animals often can't understand how much a pet means to a family and perhaps, to her, a stray cat that was very old wasn't a priorty. Not an excuse but maybe an explanation.


And not sure where you live, but I have never had a bill under about £75 from my vets !!!!


With regards to the emergency funds, I see from the previous post that your son is only 5 - maybe she didn't feel confident using public transport with him (no idea how old MIL is so could be way off the mark here) and thought that taxis were the safer option. Tbh if your son has had a lovely weekend going here, there and everywhere and you and your wife also had a lovely weekend away (and as previously mentioned you can afford it) I think you are being a bit petty about the money being spent.

Son is almost 8.

Yeh. Money is not the issue. If she needed to spend it to entertain him, feed him or her then fine. My issue is she spent it on things which she wouldn't normally. Normally her money stays well and truly put and never sees light of day.

Its all about respect. If someone gives you their money, you don't waste it because you can and its not your money. That's taking advantage. You look after it as you're own. Most people go the other way and spend less than they need to in fact - I know if roles were reversed I would.

She got a taxi because she couldn't be bothered - pure and simple. If it was her money, she'd rather walk 5 miles if a bus didn't turn up (and she has in the past). With my money she couldnt wait 20 mins for a train and walk 50 yards.