I asked him to leave, pregnant, now what?

make_me_wise

moneyhoney1 wrote: »

I bought a house last year for myself and OH to live in. My also owns a house nearby with his brother which he still lived in until he moved into mine earlier this year.

In 3 months since living with me he has only given me £100 for board/bills ect saying that he needs a lodger to move into his so he can pay me 'properly'

My house was in a state of disrepair when I moved in and have had central heating, rewire, new bathroom and decorated most rooms myself and paid for all the work myself. Its not been easy but its turning into a nice home to raise a family in.

I am now 3.5 months pregnant and he just seems to be sponging of me. He uses my utilities, broadband, watches tv and does very little else to help without prompting.

He stormed out this evening back to his house.

I am assuming he stormed out because you had the audacity to raise with him, pretty much what you have advised us of above. He doesn't like it that you dont want him sponging off you and rather than be a man about it and pull his finger out he has gone off to sulk because he cant get it all his own way.

He cant have been trying very hard to find a lodger. People are crying out for places to rent at the moment as it is so hard to save for a deposit and get a mortgage. Sounds to me like he has no intention of contributing to your bills etc whilst he can get away with giving nothing and making excuses.

Since he has walked out, make your next job round the house to be changing the locks. You have one baby on the way. You dont need to be living with another one do you!

VfM4meplse

VestanPance wrote: »

Was the child planned? I find it amazing anyone would decide to have a kid when you're at odds over finances, not secure in the relationship and seem to have a very big mine/theirs attitude over things.

Hello, the OP is 37. Conception at that age is a blessing, it's not as if she needs a man financially, so why put up with any rubbish?

VestanPance

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Hello, the OP is 37. Conception at that age is a blessing, it's not as if she needs a man financially, so why put up with any rubbish?

What a horrible attitude.

She may not need him financially, but if that was her plan was he aware he was being used as a sperm doner? It should impact him financially. It will give them life time tie as the have a child.

Using your logic it's ok for a women to hijack some sperm no matter the cost to the man involved life. Makes me feel better for opting right out the dating game, and validates my distrust of everyone these days.

Any

As the OP only lives with the B/F for couple of months and he so far has done nothing - and from what I read on other then just financial fronts - why would she call it "ours"??
Pregnant woman can be a bit hormonal, but even unpregnant woman doesn't exactly imagine living with a man means that she will be his mummy while he watches TV and gets served.

Until they pull together completely, ie his house is sorted and he starts acting like a partner then I wouldn't give him anything either.

I think however that if he knows soon he will be renting out the whole house he might be waiting for that... however has he discussed this with you? Or has he just fob you off with "yeah, I'll do it" and keeps watching TV?
He might have some plans and the reason he left in a hurry might be the tone you used, etc... It is possible, I cannot see inside your relationship...

I think it is worth consider both sides..

Is he really that bad? Do you feel like his mummy, or are you just under stress due to costs and the baby coming and he is not seeing that?

FBaby

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Hello, the OP is 37. Conception at that age is a blessing, it's not as if she needs a man financially, so why put up with any rubbish?

I find this response really sad... no, it is not a blessing to fall pregnant at that age, it is far from a miracle. In the end, they made a choice to have a child together, how relevant that she is financially independent? Will the child be impressed when he is told that they didn't need a father living with him because his mum didn't need his money?

I struggle to understand that one could compromise giving a child a chance to live with his mum and dad on the basis that the father has been reliant financially on the mum who could afford it for a period of... 3 months... How long is that in relation to this child's childhood?

I could understand the frustration and decision to separate if he was messing the OP about for 3 years, or putting her in a compromising situation, but 3 months???

I found myself in the same situation, moved with my partner in January, didn't rent my place until April, which means that for 2 1/2 months, I couldn't contribute much either. TG he loves me enough to have not even thought for a second that this was unaccaptable and that I was just spounging of him...

VfM4meplse

VestanPance wrote: »

What a horrible attitude.

No worse that the b/fs sponging attitude.

VestanPance wrote: »

She may not need him financially, but if that was her plan was he aware he was being used as a sperm doner? It should impact him financially. It will give them life time tie as the have a child.

I don't think it was her plan, but if he's unprepared to cover his own keep under the OP's roof he's hardly likely to want to pay for a child too. The OP doesn't need 2 children to look after.

VestanPance wrote: »

Using your logic it's ok for a women to hijack some sperm no matter the cost to the man involved life.

This is where you are spot on. If it wasn't for the ability to produce sperm I think the majority of men would serve no useful purpose on this planet, in direct relation to their gender.

VestanPance wrote: »

Makes me feel better for opting right out the dating game, and validates my distrust of everyone these days.

Probably very wise, self-deselection leaves a viable pool of real men :T.

Lololol :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

VfM4meplse

FBaby wrote: »

I find this response really sad... no, it is not a blessing to fall pregnant at that age, it is far from a miracle

There are tens of thousands of women over the age of 30 that have yet to have children and would consider that conception at their age to be a real blessing.

FBaby wrote: »

I could understand the frustration and decision to separate if he was messing the OP about for 3 years, or putting her in a compromising situation, but 3 months???

Give an inch and they will take a mile.

FBaby

moneyhoney1 wrote: »

I bought a house last year for myself and OH to live in. My also owns a house nearby with his brother which he still lived in until he moved into mine earlier this year.

I don't really understand why you didn't buy a house together then if it was intended for you two to live together. Are you sure he sees it as you and your partner's house, or just YOUR new house?

moneyhoney1 wrote: »

I am now 3.5 months pregnant and he just seems to be sponging of me. He uses my utilities, broadband, watches tv and does very little else to help without prompting.

That would explain the above. My partner and I were together 2 years before we moved in together. When he came over to mine, he did little because it wasn't his, although he was almost obsessed with housework in his house.

I have now moved in his house, and despite a huge extension which changes the house quite a bit (kitchen and main bedroom elsewhere), it still feels quite like his house. It's been 6 months now, and i am just starting to feel at home, but I know I won't feel totally there until my name is on the deed by the end of the year.

Maybe your partner feels just the same? Maybe you should concentrate on him feeling at home in your new home and he might be more incline to contribute?

VestanPance

VfM4meplse wrote: »

No worse that the b/fs sponging attitude.

I don't think it was her plan, but if he's unprepared to cover his own keep under the OP's roof he's hardly likely to want to pay for a child too. The OP doesn't need 2 children to look after.

Is he sponging, or just can't afford to contribute since he already has a house to keep going even if he isn't living in it? I doubt many folk could easily perform that trick, but then that's the huge flaw with his and hers homes for a "couple".

As for the for the rest of your rant....YAWN.

FBaby

VfM4meplse wrote: »

I don't think it was her plan, but if he's unprepared to cover his own keep under the OP's roof he's hardly likely to want to pay for a child too. The OP doesn't need 2 children to look after

isn't that jumping to conclusion after only 3 months? And surely, if there were tendencies towards unability to take responsibility, wouldn't have been a good idea to not choose him as the father to her child in the first place?

VfM4meplse wrote: »

This is where you are spot on. If it wasn't for the ability to produce sperm I think the majority of men would serve no useful purpose on this planet, in direct relation to their gender.

What a pathtic shallow comment! My man is not able to produce enough sperm to create a child, but as a 40% tax payer, i think he is serving his purpose to the planet and certainly serving a purpose in my life making me a very happy partner...