I asked him to leave, pregnant, now what?

January20

moneyhoney1 wrote: »

He has gone.

I asked him to come over and talk but he refused saying 'you kicked me out, deal with it'
I then asked him to collect his belongings hoping he would come but his reply was 'bin them, not bothered'
My reply to his text was 'your passport is here don't you want it?'
His reply was 'You had better call the police. I'm coming over and you'd better get out of my F****** way'
He did come over and collected his unpacked boxes and bags and started shouting and swearing at me. I went into the bedroom out of his way and sat behind the door cowering. He said I was obsessed with money and I've sh*t in my own nest. I stayed as calm as I possibly could and didn't argue back, I just kept telling him to leave. He eventually left slamming the door behind him.
I sent him a text once I had calmed down asking for my keys but got no reply.
Reading some of your replies/opinions (albeit some of them I didn't want to hear) has made me think I've done the right thing. I don't want to live with someone abusive and I'm scared of and its not what I want the baby to live with either, we deserve better.

He left me earlier in the year when we were doing a lot of decorating, said it was too much to go to work then come home and do more work, although I coped okay with it and we'd have nights off and have a relaxing pint at the local. TBH I think he went because the TV aeriel didn't work!!

So now I have to think about mine and little bean's future. I don't know what to do with the house, sell it rent it what, I don't know. I'm a contract worker, have been since December. Its an ongoing contract which will hopefully last until this December. I enjoy my work but I worry about it ending sooner and no one will want to employ me with a bump. I have a lot to think about, I need to plod on and I've survived everything life has thrown at me so far. I feel vary low at the moment not knowing what to do next. But I do feel relieved and knew deep down what some of you were saying but I was in denial in the hope he'd come back and help me out a little bit more, its all I wanted.

Thank you everyone for all your comments, good and bad, I needed to hear them xx

Unbelievable! I am so sorry for you OP but like others have said perhaps it's a lucky escape and at least you can make sure your child is sheltered from this man's bad temper!

I think you need to get your locks changed asap this you haven't got your keys back.

Do you have friends who can help and support you at this time?

FBaby

well I must be coming from another planet because I am a very independent head strong woman who wouldn't take crap from a bloke... but I understand that man's reaction. He got kicked out, told to leave, hence breaking his chance to share family life with his partner and baby.... because OP wasn't happy that he wasn't contributing as much as SHE considered would have been acceptable???

I think it is OP who is overreacting, kicking him out out of the blue rather than trying to talk to him and finding some compromise. That's all very well when no children are involved, but when a baby is its her way, surely you make a bit more of an effort with communication before being prepared to break a family apart.

Yes, the guy said things that he shouldn't have, but he is clearly absolutely furious and I don't blame him. The comment about her thinking only about money might not have come out of the blue. It almost makes you wonder whether OP is not that bothered, got pregnant and now happy to do it alone. I really hope this is not the case, but she is clearly not that interested in trying to make amends. I hope for the sake of the baby, they manage to calm down and sort out some sort of arrangement so that baby doesn't become another one without a chance to build a relationship with her/his dad.

DUTR

NickyBat wrote: »

She hasn't changed her mind or blown hot and cold, she attempted to talk to him about finances and he didn't like it, she told him to leave (which in hindsight was the best thing to do since we now know he has a paddy) then being adult about it tried to talk again when everything had calmed down and he kicked off in a major way!!!!

There was absolutely no need for his reaction, he should have been adult about and sorted it out.

There are always alternatives to ending a relationship , ending should be a last resort, I'm sure the OP does not relish the prospect of being a single Mum, with a contract post maybe coming to an end, the future does not look as prosperous as it could be, ending it may have been the best thing for you, but you are not walking in the OP's shoes, I honestly don't think it is the best option for the OP

Money_maker

January20 wrote: »

I think you need to get your locks changed asap this you haven't got your keys back.

Just wanted to repeat this.

Hope you're ok, OP.

Giddytimes

I've just come back to this thread to see how the finance talks went and I'm completely shocked by your OH's reaction! Hope you're OK, I echo changing the locks so you feel more secure.

It may of course be that this man has debt problems he doesn't want to own up to and you're forcing him to face them, so he's throwing a tantrum because he is ashamed of himself. However no matter what the reason there is absolutely no excuse for him threatening you. :eek:

Thinking of you.

NickyBat

Hows it going OP?

moneyhoney1

Hi all, I'm okay

Well we had talks and he moved back in minus his belongings. This lasted just over a week and then he decided to go again on Tuesday after the subject of money reared its ugly head again. He said he was still trying to find a lodger but hadn't stepped up his search. He advertised on a couple of free sites but to get better results you have to pay a premium. I suggested our local paper, hospital, uni, and shop windows, just seems he doesn't want to part with a couple of quid.
He is back at his house with step bro. He sends me the odd text asking how I am, its amicable but not too friendly.

I'm plodding on as usual, doing the odd bit of decorating and preparing the house for the new arrival and working.
I went to see the MW today for my 16 week check-up, all is okay, baby's heartbeat is beating at 145bpm which is great and was lovely to hear:j
I don't know if I want to be with 'him' anymore, every time we disagree he runs away and sulks, gets nasty then creeps, this has gone on since we got together, but we always sort things (ish) and get on great most of the time. He just can't handle confrontation I suppose. But its not a healthy way to live in a relationship and maybe its time I went it alone, well, for the time-being I am.
Apart from my usual worries job, house, money ect, I'm fine and enjoying my trouble-free (so far, so good) pregnancy. I'm in the 'I look a bit fat' stage at the mo, but I'm sure I'll start looking and feeling proper preggers soon:eek:
Love to you all x

LilacPixie

Good luk with the pregnancy OP. I have 3 kids (under 5) and children put a huge strain on a relationship. If your relationship is already rocky then things will only get worse. Please try and keep things amicable and ideally friendly so you an both parent your child when he/she arrives.