I asked him to leave, pregnant, now what?

NickyBat

Well that's a bit of an overreaction by him, maybe it was an excuse he was waiting for!
You and bean will be fine, don't make any rash decisions take some time and take stock of your situation

make_me_wise

NickyBat wrote: »

Well that's a bit of an overreaction by him, maybe it was an excuse he was waiting for!

I think you have hit the nail on the head there. I didn't get the impression that being a couple and making a nice home, working through things together and being good parents was ever really on his agenda.

OP if this is how he reacts now to you simply wanting to address issues in your relationship, you have done exactly the right thing by telling him to leave. I reckon you have had the mother of all lucky escapes. It doesn't bare imagining how easily he could have snapped and what he could have done once the baby arrives and you two were trying to function on next to no sleep.

pupsicola

moneyhoney1 wrote: »

He has gone.

I asked him to come over and talk but he refused saying 'you kicked me out, deal with it'
I then asked him to collect his belongings hoping he would come but his reply was 'bin them, not bothered'
My reply to his text was 'your passport is here don't you want it?'
His reply was 'You had better call the police. I'm coming over and you'd better get out of my F****** way'
He did come over and collected his unpacked boxes and bags and started shouting and swearing at me. I went into the bedroom out of his way and sat behind the door cowering. He said I was obsessed with money and I've sh*t in my own nest. I stayed as calm as I possibly could and didn't argue back, I just kept telling him to leave. He eventually left slamming the door behind him.
I sent him a text once I had calmed down asking for my keys but got no reply.
Reading some of your replies/opinions (albeit some of them I didn't want to hear) has made me think I've done the right thing. I don't want to live with someone abusive and I'm scared of and its not what I want the baby to live with either, we deserve better.

He left me earlier in the year when we were doing a lot of decorating, said it was too much to go to work then come home and do more work, although I coped okay with it and we'd have nights off and have a relaxing pint at the local. TBH I think he went because the TV aeriel didn't work!!

So now I have to think about mine and little bean's future. I don't know what to do with the house, sell it rent it what, I don't know. I'm a contract worker, have been since December. Its an ongoing contract which will hopefully last until this December. I enjoy my work but I worry about it ending sooner and no one will want to employ me with a bump. I have a lot to think about, I need to plod on and I've survived everything life has thrown at me so far. I feel vary low at the moment not knowing what to do next. But I do feel relieved and knew deep down what some of you were saying but I was in denial in the hope he'd come back and help me out a little bit more, its all I wanted.

Thank you everyone for all your comments, good and bad, I needed to hear them xx

To put this into context for you, by telling this person to leave you have put a stop to what would only ever have been an abusive relationship. He sounds like someone who has very little control over how rude, domineering and aggressive he allows himself to be. Domestic violence emotional and or physical often starts during a first pregnancy. Dont take him back in any moment of fear/regret. No matter what he says his behaviour toward you will not improve now. He has shown his true colours and you are one smart cookie to be out of it before it all escalates. All that matters now is yours and the babies well-being.

pennypusher

Hi, I'm sorry things haven't worked out for you but you are well rid of an abusive man. Do get those locks changed immediately just to give you peace of mind. I hope life gets better for you and you find someone who you can trust, and who loves you and looks after you.

*max*

Woah! Now that's a completely different context that what you first told us about OP! You never mentionned he had a "temper"...

From you have written here, you are MUCH better off without him. How dare he scream at you, and threaten you - and with you being pregnant with his child! I sincerely apologise for getting the wrong end of the stick at the beginning of the thread, I could only go on what you had written. I hope you are feeling ok now. Yours and your baby's weelbeing is what counts here, please take care of yourself. Have you any friend or family you can contact?

DUTR

moneyhoney1 wrote: »

He has gone.

I asked him to come over and talk but he refused saying 'you kicked me out, deal with it'
I then asked him to collect his belongings hoping he would come but his reply was 'bin them, not bothered'
My reply to his text was 'your passport is here don't you want it?'
His reply was 'You had better call the police. I'm coming over and you'd better get out of my F****** way'
He did come over and collected his unpacked boxes and bags and started shouting and swearing at me. I went into the bedroom out of his way and sat behind the door cowering. He said I was obsessed with money and I've sh*t in my own nest. I stayed as calm as I possibly could and didn't argue back, I just kept telling him to leave. He eventually left slamming the door behind him.
I sent him a text once I had calmed down asking for my keys but got no reply.
Reading some of your replies/opinions (albeit some of them I didn't want to hear) has made me think I've done the right thing. I don't want to live with someone abusive and I'm scared of and its not what I want the baby to live with either, we deserve better.

He left me earlier in the year when we were doing a lot of decorating, said it was too much to go to work then come home and do more work, although I coped okay with it and we'd have nights off and have a relaxing pint at the local. TBH I think he went because the TV aeriel didn't work!!

So now I have to think about mine and little bean's future. I don't know what to do with the house, sell it rent it what, I don't know. I'm a contract worker, have been since December. Its an ongoing contract which will hopefully last until this December. I enjoy my work but I worry about it ending sooner and no one will want to employ me with a bump. I have a lot to think about, I need to plod on and I've survived everything life has thrown at me so far. I feel vary low at the moment not knowing what to do next. But I do feel relieved and knew deep down what some of you were saying but I was in denial in the hope he'd come back and help me out a little bit more, its all I wanted.

Thank you everyone for all your comments, good and bad, I needed to hear them xx

Give it time and things may still work out, whilst everybody commenting have different points of view, I'm sure everybody hoped it will work out in favour of all 3 of you, whether male or female, nobody likes undue stress from a partner, I said my bits earlier in the thread but as wannabe-sybil suggests ignore it, however that is up to you, what is four for sure is that it does not matter how many shout about him on the internet, that is not going to make him come back, he is not a robot and has wants and needs just like you and your forthcoming arrival. When he does come back, remember kicking him out is not an option.
Good Luck :A

moneyhoney1

*max* wrote: »

Woah! Now that's a completely different context that what you first told us about OP! You never mentionned he had a "temper"...

Yes he has a temper, always has if he doesn't get his own way. I have a temper too but nowhere near as bad, he rants and sulks for days whereas I quietly get over it quickly and get on with life, like most people I suspect. He is an intelligent, articulate man with very strong opinions who is also hoping to be selected as a local Councillor next year, God help us!

I don't have any family nearby but his parents live in the next street. They have always been good friends to me and 'adopted' me when I went through my divorce some years back and then they introduced me to their son....:eek:

I'm sure Bean and I will get through this and I read something earlier from someone in a similar situation, they said:
Take one day at a time.
Think positively, and remember that in the end you will have a beautiful baby. It's easier to start off alone than to suddenly find yourself alone when you were used to the help.
It isn't that bad. You just go one day at a time, and remember the GREAT reward at the end of the journey.

This has given me hope:) and so have the lovely people I have met on here:)

NickyBat

DUTR wrote: »

Give it time and things may still work out, whilst everybody commenting have different points of view, I'm sure everybody hoped it will work out in favour of all 3 of you, whether male or female, nobody likes undue stress from a partner, I said my bits earlier in the thread but as wannabe-sybil suggests ignore it, however that is up to you, what is four for sure is that it does not matter how many shout about him on the internet, that is not going to make him come back, he is not a robot and has wants and needs just like you and your forthcoming arrival. When he does come back, remember kicking him out is not an option.
Good Luck :A

Are you for real!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"When he does come back,remember kicking him out is not an option"

why in god's name would she let him in in the first place after his last performance.

He needs to grow a pair and grow up. He has seen his !!!! because she kicked him out which would mean he obviously felt he was living there,in which case he should have been contributing and none of this would have happened.

Having said that i am a great believer in fate, and maybe this has happened for a reason, better now than when the OP has a newborn to look after.

DUTR

NickyBat wrote: »

Are you for real!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"When he does come back,remember kicking him out is not an option"

why in god's name would she let him in in the first place after his last performance.

He needs to grow a pair and grow up. He has seen his !!!! because she kicked him out which would mean he obviously felt he was living there,in which case he should have been contributing and none of this would have happened.

Having said that i am a great believer in fate, and maybe this has happened for a reason, better now than when the OP has a newborn to look after.

With due respect, as a bloke and not knocking the OP, I have been out with women that blow hot and cold, it is not a nice place to be (it is mental bullying), whilst it maybe a woman's perogative to change her mind, there is only ever one decsion to be made....the right one. Consistancy and rationale is what people want.

To me it does seem some want to live the OPs life for her rather than help her .

NickyBat

DUTR wrote: »

With due respect, as a bloke and not knocking the OP, I have been out with women that blow hot and cold, it is not a nice place to be (it is mental bullying), whilst it maybe a woman's perogative to change her mind, there is only ever one decsion to be made....the right one. Consistancy and rationale is what people want.

To me it does seem some want to live the OPs life for her rather than help her .

She hasn't changed her mind or blown hot and cold, she attempted to talk to him about finances and he didn't like it, she told him to leave (which in hindsight was the best thing to do since we now know he has a paddy) then being adult about it tried to talk again when everything had calmed down and he kicked off in a major way!!!!

There was absolutely no need for his reaction, he should have been adult about and sorted it out.