I asked him to leave, pregnant, now what?

moneyhoney1

I bought a house last year for myself and OH to live in. My also owns a house nearby with his brother which he still lived in until he moved into mine earlier this year.
In 3 months since living with me he has only given me £100 for board/bills ect saying that he needs a lodger to move into his so he can pay me 'properly' I am running out of patience and I think I have been reasonable up until today when I suggested he moves back home until he finds a lodger. His brother will be moving in with his gf in Oct/Nov and they plan to rent the whole house out. We both earn around the same per year and have been together for over 2 years.

My house was in a state of disrepair when I moved in and have had central heating, rewire, new bathroom and decorated most rooms myself and paid for all the work myself. Its not been easy but its turning into a nice home to raise a family in.

I am now 3.5 months pregnant and he just seems to be sponging of me. He uses my utilities, broadband, watches tv and does very little else to help without prompting.

He stormed out this evening back to his house.

Should I have just put up with it until they rent the house out or was I right to ask him not sponge off his pregnant girlfriend whist still paying his brothers bills and doing very little to find a lodger?

Please help, baby on the way!!

DUTR

Well soon you will be able to sponge back, with 15% net of his salary, you bought the house so is he there as a guest or as a live in handyman?
It's your house so why expect keep and lodgings ? If he never had his own place then fair enough, wish you the best of health and good luck though.

bigmomma051204

Without meaning to sound like Jeremy Kyle - if you were unhappy with the situation... why bring a baby into it? :cool:

And no, i wouldnt be happy with the situation BUT i would have talked about how the finances would work BEFORE i moved a relatively new-ish boyf into my house and then ensured i made him keep to them as much as possible. I wouldnt wait until i was pregnant and THEN start thinking things werent right :cool:

Sorry that all sounds really harsh..... BUT i would tell him to sort himself out and man the f*ck up!! He has a child on the way as do you and if he can't pay his way, i for one wouldnt hold out much hope of him paying for (an albeit small) someone else!!

I guess all you can really DO is either put up with it until he sells his house (although then where would he run away to...?!) or don't put up with it and get rid of him. But what i WOULD do is start sorting it out ASAP cos you have a CHILD on the way who you will BOTH need to become responsible for xxx


Now, my next guest on the show has been sleeping with her mothers sisters husbands best friend........

mountainofdebt

Well being a devil's advocate here but does your OH's property have a mortgage on it - if it does then I'm assuming that he is using part of his salary to pay the mortgage.

What does he use his salary on ? Repayment of debts?

Sambucus_Nigra

DUTR wrote: »

Well soon you will be able to sponge back, with 15% net of his salary, you bought the house so is he there as a guest or as a live in handyman?

She paid for the work herself, I'm sure if he had been handy in other ways she wouldn't be so upset.

Do you really believe that all mothers sponge off the fathers and don't spend that 15% on the child?

moneyhoney1

Thanks for taking time out to reply.
Let me just clarify a couple of things:

My house has a 70k mortgage (in my name only)

OH's house is co-owned with his bro has around 20 years to run on mortgage

Brother is moving in with gf in Oct/Nov

OH and bro will then rent out entire house

OH is paying his half of mortgage, leccy, water, virgin media ect

Bro is paying half mortgage and gas meter and council tax


Me and OH have been together 2.5 years, but didn't live together until a few months ago.

We both earn roughly the same. OH has a steady job, I am a contractor which may end in December or sooner.

We agreed a while ago to start a family once my house was up to scratch

I believe OH has a debt which he pays £200 per month, not sure, scared to ask! I am debt free and saving for time off I'll need next year or when my contract ends

I am 37, divorced with no kids. He is 39, no kids, ours is due in Feb 2012

So then, Jeremy Kyle watcher, is this the worst scenario you have witnessed? What/where have I gone wrong?

Mojisola

It's hard to understand how the relationship felt good enough to bring a baby into the world but you're scared to ask him about his finances.

Plans_all_plans

Well clearly you felt this relationship had a future around 4 months ago when you were trying for a baby. I don't understand why you think he's sponging off you: surely if you feel secure enough to have a child with him, you trust that he'll share the financial benefit of his house with you eventually?

If you really feel that strongly, can he not just sell the house when the bro moves out with his gf?

DUTR

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

She paid for the work herself, I'm sure if he had been handy in other ways she wouldn't be so upset.

Do you really believe that all mothers sponge off the fathers and don't spend that 15% on the child?

You missed the bit about board and lodgings
Why would the OP expect the BF to pay towards HER house?

VfM4meplse

Apply this test: if there was no baby on the way, would you want him back?

I thought not. Now squeeze the !!!!!! for pips.

KiKi

If he's paying half the mortgage and bills at his house that he shares with his brother, and it's not rented out at present, then I'm not surprised that he doesn't want to pay half of yours, too! Hardly anyone could afford two sets of bills and rent / mortgage.

If you knew he was paying towards this other house, did you really expect him to move into yours and have enough cash to pay you, too? If it bothers you that he's not contributing, then yes, staying at his until he is in a position to contribute is best.

He has already said to you that when his and his brother's house is rented out that he'll pay you properly, and I think that's absolutely fair.

So either let him live with you in the full knowledge that his money is going on bills and debt, or let him live at his. I think you're being unreasonable expecting him to pay both when he's already said he'll pay you. You knew he had those other bills.

On the other points, if you are too scared to ask about his debts then you need to get talking with him ASAP. 2.5 years, a child on the way, you ask him to move in knowing he pays bills and a mortgage and you have no idea what debts he has? That won't help your relationship. Definitely not JK-worthy, but definitely a concern for you and him.

KiKi