I asked him to leave, pregnant, now what?

moneyhoney1

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

Well clearly you felt this relationship had a future around 4 months ago when you were trying for a baby. I don't understand why you think he's sponging off you: surely if you feel secure enough to have a child with him, you trust that he'll share the financial benefit of his house with you eventually?

If you really feel that strongly, can he not just sell the house when the bro moves out with his gf?

I feel he is sponging because he pays me next to nothing. Him and his brother are in negative equity with their house.
This time 2 years ago his brother (actually step) did the same thing. He moved out to be with his then pregnant gf and paid OH sod all mortgage/bills, but OH thinks this is okay. I just want to be treated fairly.
Maybe its my fault for not talking money with him as someone suggested earlier. I am really worried about my future and little bean's future too. Maybe I should have just put up with him taking me for a mug and pay for everything.

DUTR

moneyhoney1 wrote: »

I bought a house last year for myself and OH to live in. My also owns a house nearby with his brother which he still lived in until he moved into mine earlier this year.
In 3 months since living with me he has only given me £100 for board/bills ect saying that he needs a lodger to move into his so he can pay me 'properly' I am running out of patience and I think I have been reasonable up until today when I suggested he moves back home until he finds a lodger. His brother will be moving in with his gf in Oct/Nov and they plan to rent the whole house out. We both earn around the same per year and have been together for over 2 years.

My house was in a state of disrepair when I moved in and have had central heating, rewire, new bathroom and decorated most rooms myself and paid for all the work myself. Its not been easy but its turning into a nice home to raise a family in.

I am now 3.5 months pregnant and he just seems to be sponging of me. He uses my utilities, broadband, watches tv and does very little else to help without prompting.

He stormed out this evening back to his house.

Should I have just put up with it until they rent the house out or was I right to ask him not sponge off his pregnant girlfriend whist still paying his brothers bills and doing very little to find a lodger?

Please help, baby on the way!!

What is it you are wanting him to do exactly?
I know when I used to visit a now ex GF's house, if she started getting on my case I would simply go home, some blokes can't be doing with unnecessary stress, and as you are expecting, it is all woman talk that they don't need a bloke or the child does not need a father, it's something to think about and consider if you are hoping things will work out in the long run.

MrsE_2

DUTR wrote: »

Well soon you will be able to sponge back, with 15% net of his salary, you bought the house so is he there as a guest or as a live in handyman?
It's your house so why expect keep and lodgings ? If he never had his own place then fair enough, wish you the best of health and good luck though.

Because he lives there.......using the stuff.

DUTR

MrsE wrote: »

Because he lives there.......using the stuff.

he is a guest there though!
Op is quick to say mine this n that, would you want a contribution from every passenger that enters your car? perhaps a tariff of the cost per cup of tea, per hour rate on the internet or to watch tv etc should be up on display.

KiKi

moneyhoney1 wrote: »

I feel he is sponging because he pays me next to nothing. Him and his brother are in negative equity with their house.
This time 2 years ago his brother (actually step) did the same thing. He moved out to be with his then pregnant gf and paid OH sod all mortgage/bills, but OH thinks this is okay. I just want to be treated fairly.
Maybe its my fault for not talking money with him as someone suggested earlier. I am really worried about my future and little bean's future too. Maybe I should have just put up with him taking me for a mug and pay for everything.

Sorry, but to me that says he's being responsible! Brother moved out, and paid towards GF's bills. He stopped paying the mortgage and bills on the house he actually owned, so your OH paid it ALL.

Now your OH has 'moved out', but he's not leaving all the bills to your brother, he's still taking responsibility for his half.

You say you want to be treated fairly, but whilst you feel that not paying you is fair, not paying his house's bills isn't fair, either - is it??

I think you need to both sit down and agree what you're going to do between now and when brother and GF are moving in and paying for the other house entirely. He has already told you he WILL pay towards your bills then. But until that point, what do you want from him? You need to agree it. It's no good losing patience and getting cross when he's already agreed to pay - once his house's bills are paid for. It's no good him sulking and storming out, either. You need to talk about it and come to a solution.

KiKi

notisis

Regardless of him still paying half his own home and having a baby on the way - wouldn't you expect him to at least occasionally pay for food bills? If boyfriend was still living at his own house, he would have to pay for broadband, electricity etc plus food.

I gather from the OP's earlier post that he still pays for broadband, water, electricity etc at his mortgaged home but he's not using these (his brother is)so whilst of course he is still responsible for his share of the mortgage, insurance, repairs etc why can't he be making a small contribution whilst living (it seems full time) with the OP until his house is either rented or sold. What does he do with his money?

*max*

All this talk of "sponging", "board" etc..doesn't really sound like a loving, "about-to-have-planned-baby-together" kind of relationship, does it?
He's your boyfriend, the man you are having a child with. He's only been living with you for 3 months, and he has given you some money towards his "board" as you call it - and he has explained the reason why he hasn't given more so far. Unless you don't love him and want to end the relationship, I think you should cut him some slack! Accusing him of sponging off his pregnant partner after 3 months living together...I'm not surprised he's left, to be frank.

mountainofdebt

When you use phrases like he uses my utilities, my broadband my X,Y or Z I don't think you see yourself as a couple and I guess he has picked up on this and is acting accordingly, which is worrying really when you think there is a baby involved.

I would also imagine that using phrases like he's sponging off me is one sure fire way to cause an arguement rather than a cue for a sensible adult conversation.

DUTR

*max* wrote: »

All this talk of "sponging", "board" etc..doesn't really sound like a loving, "about-to-have-planned-baby-together" kind of relationship, does it?
He's your boyfriend, the man you are having a child with. He's only been living with you for 3 months, and he has given you some money towards his "board" as you call it - and he has explained the reason why he hasn't given more so far. Unless you don't love him and want to end the relationship, I think you should cut him some slack! Accusing him of sponging off his pregnant partner after 3 months living together...I'm not surprised he's left, to be frank.

mountainofdebt wrote: »

When you use phrases like he uses my utilities, my broadband my X,Y or Z I don't think you see yourself as a couple and I guess he has picked up on this and is acting accordingly, which is worrying really when you think there is a baby involved.

I would also imagine that using phrases like he's sponging off me is one sure fire way to cause an arguement rather than a cue for a sensible adult conversation.

Glad I'm not the only one that spotted that, I detect a bossy person and in the long run, the BF may realise 15% net and no contact is the healthier option, a relationship is not about one person calling all the shots, if it is mine mine mine, then pay all the bills, if it is ours then bills can be shared.

moneyhoney1

I know he is responsible for paying his half of the mortgage and insurance on his co-owned house, this is understood. What I don't understand is why he should be a kept man at my house when he has made very little effort to find a lodger for his old bedroom. We don't live in the Outer Hebrides but in a vibrant city with industry, hospitals and uni nearby, finding a lodger shouldn't be a problem, I've had no problems in the past finding someone. If he had a lodger everything would be okay with his house and mortgage/bills ect and we could get on with life the way we were planning.