My son is 4 weeks off being 18 and he says

CH27

What are the results?

victory

Well, if I tell you I have been crying on and off the best part of the day does that give you an idea?

CH27

Oh dear

victory

He keeps telling me it makes no difference because he has the overall ratings over 2 years, he is only into year 1 so he has all of next year to better it, improve them, even them out and he was told today by his tutor that he has to dedicate himself next year which he is capable of doing so for the 2 years he can balance it out.

It is such a heart rendering shame that a child born with intelligence and can apply himself decides he cannot be that bothered and only bothers himself when he realises that he will not pass.

victory

I despair for his teachers, they see him as intelligent, they have said so, they see he can apply himself, also said, they can see in no way he is lacking intelligence and what does he go and do? He decided he just can't be bothered

RAS

victory

It is not your responsibility now.

Make it absolutely plain to him that educatiion under 19 is free on delieverty and you will support him provided he behaves, but that after that he will be on his ownsome and it costs a lot.

Sadly a lot of lads go off the boil; somewhat and there is not a lot you can do.

Unless you want to insist he is home and studying and can enforce that? Thought not?

victory

I got the call in the middle of the supermarket, I embarrased myself by bursting into tears, he was wittering on about next year, I have not done anything wrong, it even itself out then, he is at his gf, the rest of the day it has just been a load of tears and guilt, what have we done as parents?

We took him to all his project outings, like the castles, we took him when he was younger to egyptian museums, we did homework with him, we , oh I am just wittering myself now, I have absolutely lost my heart and here I sit crying some more, need to get a grip.

mountainofdebt

dark_lady wrote: »

When i left school at 16 i got a job at Tesco Garden Centre which started two days after my last exam. I did two years at college after the tesco temp contract ended during which time i did care work for a few years and i contributed to the household and helped out at home. In this instance my parents at that time were happy for me to be an adult.
However when it came to nights out all of a sudden they wanted to treat me like a child again. My mother did not want me going out at all even when i was over 18. Every time i mentioned going out she would say "What for"!
Incidentally it was my Dad who wanted me to contribute not my mum.
My dad wanted to treat me like an adult but my mum wanted to continue to treat me like a child so that she could have control. I ended up staying in just to keep the peace but the resentment built and built until one evening, I had left a note on the kitchen table explaining that i was out and not to worry about my tea. ( i had left notes in the past and she denied seeing them so this time id sellotaped it to the kitchen table.) i got back about 8pm and there was a big row about why did i want to go out etc. And i told the pair of them to sort it out between them cos they couldnt have me as a child when it suits and then as an adult when it suits.
Some parents want the best of both worlds and are not willing to take the rough with the smooth. I remember saying to my mum,If im not an adult then why am i paying poll tax. (this was 1991) In the end my dad told her that she would have to stop treating me like i was stupid and start treating me like the responsible adult that i was and still am.
To this day i am still the responsible one out of me and my brother.

I am now 38 and ive still never been drunk, never been in debt (my bro cant say the same) if i cant afford something i simply go without until i can.
Incidentally i get on really well with my parents now and they both call me "the sensible one"
But some parents really do need to think about this one and maybe need to be sure that its not them (the parents) trying to have it both ways!

Tbh I don't think it's a case of wanting it both ways - for me its a case of realising that Junior is almost 19 and he has to stand on his own two feet, finding solutions to his problems althouh he knows he can always come to me and his dad for advice.

He's gone out tonight to celebrate his A level results and I wanted him to take the brick of a mobile that we have as an emergency back up and you could see he was really naffed off. When I asked what the matter was he told me that he was 18 and that I didn't trust him not to lose his new phone. When I told him that wasn't my only concern (the implication being it being stolen) he told me that if I thought he was going to get injured just to try and save a phone I obviously didn't know him. So he's gone out with the new phone - time will tell though whether he loses it or not!

As a little sideline, I found out tooday his univeristy course includes a year abroad - with placements in Australia, the US or Canada being strong contenders. So it looks like I'll have to cut the apron strings sooner than I think:rotfl:

mountainofdebt

victory wrote: »

I got the call in the middle of the supermarket, I embarrased myself by bursting into tears, he was wittering on about next year, I have not done anything wrong, it even itself out then, he is at his gf, the rest of the day it has just been a load of tears and guilt, what have we done as parents?

We took him to all his project outings, like the castles, we took him when he was younger to egyptian museums, we did homework with him, we , oh I am just wittering myself now, I have absolutely lost my heart and here I sit crying some more, need to get a grip.

Oh hunny I do feel for you I really do - don't you just want to shake them until they see sense?

The point is that whilst he is right in some respects what he doesn't realise is that if by doing well in the AS exams (I assume its the AS's we're talking about) it will give some indication to the Unis as to how well he will perform in the A levels and thus go some way to determining Uni offers and secondly, he's made next year that much harder for himself as he will have to make up the ground in next year's exams.

Unfortunately with all unpleasant things - whether that be revising for exams, giving up smoking or losing weight - people have to want to do it for themselves and sometimes it may mean they suffer massive disappointment before sense kicks in,

victory

He is convinced he is fine, he has passed in view of next year, he does not see he has not passed this year or if he does not pass next year uni is not happening, I am in the wrong for the glass half full and half empty, he sees it as nothing, he has done what he needed to do to make sure he was allowed back for the second year and keeps talking about Uni etc, my OH says uni will not touch him if he has grades like these, son says they will because he has the whole of next year to make it better...