Would you be happy with 1 child?

vroombroom

I'll stick with the one - he was unplanned but I wouldn't change him for the world, I love him to bits.

x

Lotus-eater

Unsure44 wrote: »

Hi all,

I currently have one daughter aged 5. I am thinking that I really would like another child, just one more but my partner doesn't seem to agree.

I have tried to talk to him about how I feel to find out how he feels about it but he just makes excuses as to why we can't have another child at the moment or he just says he still hasn't made his mind up.

I'm starting to get that horrible desperate broody feeling and crying alot every time I see babies, doesn't help my sister has just had her second baby and she is 11 years younger then me

All my partner seems to talk about is how he can't wait for me to get back to work full time and for us to have money again, and how he wants a new car:eek: personally these are things that can be obtained at a later date, another child possibly wouldn't be!

We are not getting any younger although we aren't quite past it yet (i hope!) I'm 32 and hes 34. I guess what I worry about is the age gap getting bigger and the more time goes past the easier it gets looking after her so the less likely he will want to go back to nappy changing, lack of sleep and all the difficulties that come with a baby.

A part of me imagines the rest of my life with just one child and no more and I feel upset by it wondering if in 10 years i will be full of regret, but I love my partner very much and I don't want children with anyone else so I guess I have no option but to hope he changes his mind, but then would I end up resenting him? Arrggg I don't know what to do, I feel helpless.

I can't even get pregnant 'by accident' as some helpful people have suggested I do lol, not that I would want to, it wouldn't be fair to trick him into another child.

I try and think of the positives of having one child, we are lucky to have a child full stop some people can't have kids, we will be able to afford to do more with her as one child is cheaper then two! and no sibling arguements...
My partner is an only child himself and loved it, he never felt he missed out not having any siblings, whereas I'm one of 4 which put me of having lots of children but a nice comprimise i feel is 2 children.

I know no one can really help me, but any advice would be welcome, I feel like I'm living im limbo until he makes a decision. Should i try and return to work full time, build a career again? I don't want to do that again then in x number of years take time off to have another child and be back at square one again.
It wasn't easy first time round as my daughter was pretty ill so my years maternity leave turned into 3 years as I had to care for her. It wasn't easy having a baby that wouldn't feed,sleep and screamed in pain 24/7, I think thats another reason he is wary, it was a VERY difficult time and we just about scrapped though it with our relationship intact and my mental health fragile. Of course theres no way of knowing if my next child would be as hard work or not its a risk.

I should shut up now anyway.

You could have been us a few years ago, I was your OH. Worst mistake I ever made and the best choice I ever made was when I decided to have another.
There are 6 years between mine and the gap isn't too massive, but I wouldn't want it to be any bigger.

I'll just add that my 2 play very well together and she does mother him a little and plays his baby games, loves it, takes him off to play when we're camping. they have a great time together, although she has said a couple of times that she really wanted a sister :rotfl: but that's she's happy with DS.

She did want a sibling for years and years, it's been so lovely to see she's got out of it everything we could have hoped for.

Unsure44

Thanks again everyone, I have only just checked this thread and appear to have missed the nasty comments as they were removed or altered.

I am of course very grateful for the child I have and don't wish to imply that I am not! I understand this is upsetting for people who cannot have children as I'm sure they would be more then happy with one child and not moan about wanting another, however I was just expressing the way I feel.

I may not be able to have more children, a friend of mine is in that situation, she has a daughter the same age as mine and has suffered 3 miscarriages trying to have another. It may be the same for me, things are often different second time round.

I'm just saying that I would like to have one more child and honestly I think I would stop there, I have neither the funds or room for more then two children (so lets hope it wouldn't be twins but if it was you would cope as you do in life)
I myself was happy with 1 child until about a year ago when I started thinking it would be nice to have another one, I think it took me 4 years to get over how ill my daughter was and how very stressful it is. The pregnancy and birth may have been a breeze but no one prepares you for how difficult it will be if you have a sick child. I feel that if it hadn't have been to stressful then maybe my partner would be less relucant to have another :undecided

Anyway its nice to hear from people with children the same age gaps and people's point of view on being only children. I will try and get a child free night out and have a discussion with my partner again to see how he feels, its not easy getting a straight answer out of him!

Lotus-eater

If he's like anything like I was, it will be difficult to talk to him about it. But if you do get him talking, answer all his worries with good answers you have ready.
I had all sorts of problems with wanting another, some of them very selfish ones and I freely admit it.
But my OH answered all of my worries about space, kids getting on together, the fact that she thought (and now I do too) that 2 kids were better than one.
When it came to my selfish problems, she just had to admit that it was going to be the case, these things were going to happen, but that it was a sacrifice we ought to make.
Much as I hate to admit it, she was right and I changed my mind.

must_try_harder_2

Unsure44 wrote: »

I understand this is upsetting for people who cannot have children as I'm sure they would be more then happy with one child and not moan about wanting another, however I was just expressing the way I feel.

I am one of those people (who is struggling to have children) but I can completely see your point of view. For me, 1 wouldn't be enough. If we cannot conceive we will adopt a sibling group, and if we do conceive we will still adopt a small sibling group when our other children are slightly older. Having more than one child is very important to me (though obviously one would be lovely for starters!)

I love my sister to bits and couldn't imagine life without her. She is one of my best friends and I am certain that this is at least partly what convinces me I should have more than one child. But then I know some people who don't get on with their siblings and having 2 children isn't a guarantee that they will have someone to turn to when they are older.

Hope you can discuss things with your OH and come to a joint decision you are both happy with

Molly41

Jewel wrote: »

To me this is just a classic case of the grass is always greener.

I have a sibling, but I only have one child myself, so I wonder what that says? It actually says nothing really. We all tend to pity ourselves for something in our lives, and then try to do the opposite as we selfishly live through our children (nothign personal intended).

My brother lives the other end of the country to me, we love each other as we love other people, but we lead separate lives (and so we should, because we were brought up to be individuals). I probably see him 3 times a year. I'm not in the least bit lonely.

Siblings aren't there to keep other siblings company, except in the parents eyes. They usually squabble as littlies, and then do their own thing when they get older.

At the opposite extreme, my ex's family pretend to be close, and they actually all hate each other with a passion (I know this now I'm the ex, they all come to me and tell me lol!). The cousins are in competition with each other just as the parents are. I'm so glad I don't have to take part in those events!

Remember, quality not quanity.

Oh and another thing, my brother hasn't got any kids and gets slated for it!

In my case it's both quality and quantity:T:T:T I work very hard to parent my children to the best of my ability. My kids absolute hate being on their own. Anytime they get quality time on an individual basis they are always asking about the others and thinking of them. My household is full of laughter and banter and NO ONE is ever lonely like I felt as a kid growing up and still do today. My kids will have each other when Im gone and that means a lot to me. The grass is greener with four kids. I had a miserable and lonely upbringing as an only child and am very pleased that I have my brood x

esmerelda98

Unsure44 wrote: »

Thanks again everyone, I have only just checked this thread and appear to have missed the nasty comments as they were removed or altered.

For the record, I didn't post anything nasty, in fact I tried to be sensitive, but by being honest I upset Jewel, mainly. Somehow her post led to an outpouring of grief by a number of involuntarily childless women, and I didn't like being made out to be insensitive to their pain. The irony is that my post totally appreciated their pain and was very honest in expressing that, as evidenced by lostinrates thanks. Anyway, I will leave things here. Perhaps I should have left the posts as they were.

moomoomama27

Jewel wrote: »

Remember, quality not quanity.

I think that's an awful thing to say!

I think it's really unfair just because women choose to have a large family, or hope (and suceed) to have as many children as they want that others think of it as choosing biscuits, or pizza toppings!

You can have a large family, and it be quantity and quality! That's certainly the case for me! I wanted 3, had 3 and give my all into parenting them! There's no lack of quality to my children just because I chose to have more than 1!

antonia1

OP,

I am one of 5 children, brought up in a 3 bedroom semi. We weren't poor, but we didn't have fancy holidays either (there's nothing wrong with a caravan in Wales for a week!). I'm the second eldest and there is a 10 year age gap over all. I don't have children, but if I am lucky enough I want to have lots. My siblings and I are all so different, but also the same, and we often wonder what the next one would have been like. We generally get on really well, and much better since we don't all live together. I hope you and your OH are able to make a decision which will make you both happy.

xXx

LilacPixie

I wated two children to start with.. i ow have three ad I wouldn't change it for the world. We cannot physically have more, my health is too fragile and carrying baby number 3 really was a struggle.DD 3 was actually a genuine 'accident' I think 4 would be nice sometimes but I do wonder if that is just because we cannot have another and if we could maybe I would feel different.