Would you be happy with 1 child?

ETanny

After my DD was born, I was sworn I was done but as she got a little older I felt the need to have another one. We started TTC when she was 18 months old. After two years of fertility drugs and other things we have finally been blessed with our second baby on the way.
People told me I should be greatful to just have one, but sometimes its hard to understand that yearning for another baby.

ska_lover

It is an interesting thread, this.

I have a 19 year old lad, and never ever wanted anymore - and I knew that immediately after I had had him.

I honestly have never really understood this broody feeling some women get, it must be awful if you and partner don't agree. My best friend has two small boys and is broody again, and her partner doesn't agree, so is in the same boat as you, and she finds it very upsetting.

Havin siblings isn't all its cracked up to be though, my mother spent most of my childhood trying to stop fights between my elder sister and me...and now as adults me & sis have very rare contact. Just because you are family doesn't mean its going to be ideal. .

Sally_A

Both my husband and I (sound like the Queen don't I?), are only children, and we have one daughter. My mum was an only child, whereas my dad was one of 8 (I think - born in Poland - ravaged by the war, but I did get to meet his elder sister before she died).

I never felt left out - but I did have child company from the neighbours: every now and then I feel it would be great to have a sibling. I have no immediate relatives that I know of in the UK, nor does OH - daughter even more isolated.

On the plus side - as daughter was growing up, finances were a pain as we were only in a 2 bed house and another child could have made us move with a bigger mortgage - it did not happen, so she was able to participate in club sports, with us paying membership to at least 2 clubs (not cheap these days); I still maintained my 3/5th of a week, so I could run her here there and everywhere. (She did sports for City and County), she had the relevant trainers, equipment, outfits needed.

I truly believe you can give one child an excellent start in life, 2 would have scuppered us big time financially.

PS. Why don't these after school clubs have a scholarship for the less well off, with great ability?

lostinrates

ETanny wrote: »

People told me I should be greatful to just have one, but sometimes its hard to understand that yearning for another baby.

without wanting to appear insensitive to you, its possibly hard for you to understand how it feels to want ONE and not be able to have him or her. Its not just the infertile, its those who maybe never have a suitable relationship, or who simply don't plan in time, or for whom something tragic happens, or who quite simply can't afford it: in some countries for example, there is less supportive financial relief for parents.

I think honesty over this, as you've shown, is always going to be hurtful to some, but to me the thought that you don't think people who say ''be grateful for one'' can't understand a yearning for something ..if like in my case they can't have a fraction of it..is pretty ruddy awful.

I don't mean to be hurtful, and please understand that some people saying ''be grateful'' are doing so not from a ''not understanding'' point of view but from one where they are so envious they could weep when they say one is not enough.

Lotus-eater

Of course it's terrible that there are people who can't have kids, I feel awful for them, but I don't think it means that the OP's question shouldn't be raised. It still has a viability.

Lunar_Eclipse

moomoomama27 wrote: »

I don't find that to be true at all!

I think it really depends on the child personality!

I agree with this, but would add that a larger age gap can tend to create a more maternal sibling bond (vs more equal playmates) or one that isn't as close compared to a smaller gap, certainly in the childhood years spent at home anyway. (I have noticed siblings who are very close in adulthood with large gaps tho.)

My sister was born when I was 5. We have never been close, the gap was always too large for me to be interested when we were growing up, which made me opt for a much shorter gap between my two. In your shoes and based on my personal experience (only), I would make no assumptions that your children will be close if you have another child.

I would also give very, very careful consideration to your partner's feelings because I think there is a lot to lose by gently persuading one parent to have another child when they're not 110% keen and/or have moved on from those early parenting years. I'd probably settle for being very happy and grateful with the one child in your shoes and start making plans for the future revolving around my own personal dreams.

I always wanted two children which is what I have, but would also have been happy with only one. There are always pros and cons to these types of things.

lostinrates

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Of course it's terrible that there are people who can't have kids, I feel awful for them, but I don't think it means that the OP's question shouldn't be raised. It still has a viability.

I don't think I said otherwise. My specific emotional reponse is to the idea that some people ''can't understand'' what it feels like to want more, and that I feel being grateful for one is important....even if/when you DO go on to have more..it doesn't make the first any less!

Lotus-eater

lostinrates wrote: »

I don't think I said otherwise. My specific emotional reponse is to the idea that some people ''can't understand'' what it feels like to want more, and that I feel being grateful for one is important....even if/when you DO go on to have more..it doesn't make the first any less!

No I wasn't really picking on you, no one really understands how someone else feels, unless they've been in that situation.

So you don't know how she feels and of course she doesn't know how you feel. I don't think she was pointing out that her feeling of loss is worse than yours, just that her feelings have validity also.

vroombroom

I've never felt broody (well except over puppies) an never really wanted kids.

There is a gap of 3 years between me and my brother, but he was at boarding school from the age of 8 and 17 due to our parents being in the army. I must say I am a lot closer to him now than I was as I cannot remember living with us when I was younger and he came back home when I was 14 for two years before he went to uni but we rarely saw each other x

Unsure44

I'm going to admit something that is really awful, its so awful I hate that I even think it.

What if my child dies before me? God that sounds selfish, but to explain when I was 19 a very good friend died in a car crash and he was an only child, I just couldn't get my head round it, one min your a parent and then your not, he was 18.

This makes it sound like a selfish reason for wanting more children but thats not the 'only' reason I want another one, but it does cross my mind in a horrendous way.

My daughter is amazing and when I look and listen to her I can't imagine myself not wanting another child! I think thats what it is for me, shes so god damn amazing I want another one! If that makes any sense

I love her so much I can't imagine not loving anothrer just as much!