Would you be happy with 1 child?

lostinrates

Person_one wrote: »

I agree that its not healthy for parents to worry too much about that, but all this 'one child is a blessing' 'be grateful you have one' is a little too much like guilt tripping.

I think maybe posters who are struggling with their own issues relating to infertility would probably be sensible to choose to ignore this kind of thread. The two situations are not comparable.

I want to make it clear I do not intend to guilt trip anyone. I'm just saying that sometimes people need to count the blessings they have and rejoice in them before dispairing at what they don't...in all situations. It maybe that OP and her husband agree they DO want another, which would be ideal, but if her OH doesn't, and it might be possible, then OP should no that while its a sadness she IS blessed and should enjoy every moment of it. Sort of the opposite of a guilt trip is what I mean

FWIW, I can't speak for any of the others, but I'm not struggling, I know my situation and I'm ''accepting'' of it.

CH27

Person_one wrote: »

I agree that its not healthy for parents to worry too much about that, but all this 'one child is a blessing' 'be grateful you have one' is a little too much like guilt tripping.

I think maybe posters who are struggling with their own issues relating to infertility would probably be sensible to choose to ignore this kind of thread. The two situations are not comparable.

I'm not struggling with any issues & it wasn't intended to guilt trip anyone.
I do feel though that people tend to always want more(not just children) & don't always count their blessings.

BWZN93

After years of working and not finding the right man, Id be thrilled if I could eventually settle down and have just one child. As it stands, i'm nearly 32, still working my way up in my career and definitely not found the right man yet. At this rate, ill be a very lonely old woman! But I guess all that is beside the point. However, I didn't want to avoid this thread because its something that has played on my mind recently - I'm considering just going it alone because I'm scared ill miss my chance otherwise. I know I still have 'time', but I don't want to be much older as i'm worried I'll die when my child is my age, and I wont be around to support him/her when they need me.

As for the age difference, the age difference will count when they are young. However, I have a brother 8 years younger than me (he's 24) and we are as close as it gets. Even my sister (2 years younger) was a pain in the a$$ when we were younger, but now - she's one of my closest confidants. Wouldn't be without either of them I see both sides of this quandry to be honest. If he's dead set on no more - you either need to make your peace with it and make the most of what you have, or seriously consider your future together if you cant get over it. I do think he is being a bit stupid though - why cant he just have one serious conversation about it for you to both air your points of view and move on?

pinkwitch_2

I am a only child and I have only 1 child.And I've never missed not having brothers or sisters.

cyclingyorkie

I have a friend who lost a son, aged 10, in a car crash. She went on to have 2 more - after she had the second one she couldn't not have a third -'in case it happened again!'

ETanny

lostinrates wrote: »

without wanting to appear insensitive to you, its possibly hard for you to understand how it feels to want ONE and not be able to have him or her. Its not just the infertile, its those who maybe never have a suitable relationship, or who simply don't plan in time, or for whom something tragic happens, or who quite simply can't afford it: in some countries for example, there is less supportive financial relief for parents.

I think honesty over this, as you've shown, is always going to be hurtful to some, but to me the thought that you don't think people who say ''be grateful for one'' can't understand a yearning for something ..if like in my case they can't have a fraction of it..is pretty ruddy awful.

I don't mean to be hurtful, and please understand that some people saying ''be grateful'' are doing so not from a ''not understanding'' point of view but from one where they are so envious they could weep when they say one is not enough.

Unfortunately, the people who would say this to me are folk who never encounted problems when having children. I have never once been told to be greatful by someone who cant have children.
I have a few close friends who I found along the way who have struggled and who are still struggling to conceive their first for noumerous reasons, who have been nothing but supportive, and I am to them and will continue to be for every step of their journey.

I must add... I know how very lucky I am, I was told my daughter should not be here and for lightening to strike twice, I count my blessings very much.

I cant imagine how it must feel for someone who wants a child to not get the oppitunity to have children for whatever reason it may be.

ambemakasa

i have to admit that i have not read every post on here but i thought i would comment, if you see it as inapropriate i`m sorry.

i am a mummy of 7 beautiful children, i always wanted a big family and fortunately my husband did too. unfortunately we are now divorced so i am a single parent with 7 children but thats by the by.

i dont think that you should have another child to please your partner or to fall pregnant on purpose without their knowledge, it should be a joint decision.

i find that with a larger family it is easier to deal with because they always have someone to play or talk to and do not need all my attention, on the other hand sometimes i feel guilty that i dont have enough individual time for them.
on numerous occasions i have heard ` i wish i was an only child` but when they are all together interacting i know that they love it and would miss it.
my youngest is now 5 and my eldest 20, my 5 year old constantly asks about my 20 year old who is at uni and although we dont all get together at the same time very often it is great when we do.
i am lucky to have a large, happy family even though doing it alone was not how i planned.
just talk, explain how you feel, it is different for a woman, i even now would like more ,maybe its the need to be needed, i`ll wait now to be a grandma now though

not sure if this is relevant but hey

flutterby_lil

I am mum to one biological child, my partner has a child and we are expecting our first together.

I didn't want my child to be the only one living at home, we have his daughter every other weekend.

I am one of 5 children and spend lots of time with my 3 sisters and brother. I wouldn't be without them.

I wouldnt want an only child but if after years of trying or my partner saying no, I would be happy with my son who means the world to me and who i love dearly every single day.

SusanC_2

Unsure44 wrote: »

My daughter is amazing and when I look and listen to her I can't imagine myself not wanting another child! I think thats what it is for me, shes so god damn amazing I want another one! If that makes any sense

Me too! Personally if it was just me to consider, I would probably seriously consider only having one (because I suffer from hyperemesis gravidarum - not because I'm not that bothered about having more children) but it is very important to me that my daughter has siblings and I know that she would love to have siblings.

dizziblonde

Lotus-eater wrote: »

I really want to say something to lighten the mood, but even I get it's not the right time.

We went to a friends house last week and the lady there who is my old (he's not old, just an old friend) friends wife was playing lovely with our kids for hours, she was so nice and good with them, it was great to see.
I heard later that she was crying on her bed upstairs after we left, as apparently it's almost impossible for her to have kids. I feel terrible, but there doesn't seem to be anything I can do. I don't know if I should take the kids back or not.

Ask her? People cope in different ways with fertility problems - I'm fine in work (I teach) where I can mentally don my Miss Suit and divorce that side of me from the side that hurts - I can be surrounded by kids all day and the only time it hurts is when they run out to their parents shouting "mummy mummy" at the end of the day (that and shiny black patent leather shoes with white socks - for some reason that does for me every time)... yet at home, I DO cope by distancing myself from those with kids.

Other people do manage to throw themselves into the role of honorary aunty and what not and get a lot out of that - but we all hide tears on occasions. It's inevitable really - you have a wonderful time, then it reminds you what you're missing - but you've still had a wonderful time - like that one sunny day in the middle of winter that you enjoy - but reminds you how god-awful the weather is the rest of the time if you see what I mean.

However we handle it - we ALL cry at times, and we all hide it away. What hurts more - are people judging things FOR us, people not asking, people being inconsiderate (I'd LOVE a friend who asked if I wanted them to come over and understood if I said I couldn't deal with it right now rather than seeing it as a collossal rejection and grounds for a friendship kaboom) and people doing the "oh you can't possibly feel X/Y/Z/be a teacher (that one hurts me so much you can't imagine and I've heard it a few time) until you've had kids"... as long as someone's sensitive and accepts that the life of the childless person has value and is important (lots of the time it isn't viewed as such) - talking goes a long way.

I'd have killed for a friend who actually WANTED to know what the right thing to do was tbh. Talk to her - very few people do that and we can feel like our feelings just don't matter at all... A LOT.