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Would you be happy with 1 child?
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he also has a son from his first marriage too which sometimes makes me angry but I just learn to deal with it every day.
!!!!!!???????? Does anyone else think this is possibly the most selfish thing they have ever heard??? How is it YOU get angry because he has a child independently of you? The child presumably came around before you did, I think you need a change of attitude and stop being so resentful of something that ultimately, you have no right to be angry about!!#KiamaHouse0 -
Having children is ultimately a selfish exercise - its so that we can carry our genes on, that is all. We may not be aware of this, but that's why we have them. That's the biological part.
Having a child is not selfish.
Often giving up (to different extents) your career, your body, your money, your free time, your hobbies, your holidays and in many cases, your sense of identify. Sharing everything you have and everything that you will ever have.
It's not selfish. Passing on your genes is not a selfish act. You're getting a perfectly normal biological function confused with an emotional characteristic, which is not relevent to many.
Perhaps you had a child to pass on your genes. I know that to me, and to many others, my genes were not even a consideration."One day I realised that when you are lying in your grave, it's no good saying, "I was too shy, too frightened."
Because by then you've blown your chances. That's it."0 -
What a horrid post Jewel. How dare you assume that I am selfish having four children? In fact im the least selfish person you would care to meet and my children benefit positively from having each other. I work so hard to parent my children and they are becoming productive and caring members of our society. They study, pay taxes and contribute. How is that selfish?I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over and through me. When it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
When the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.0 -
Having a child is not selfish.
Often giving up (to different extents) your career, your body, your money, your free time, your hobbies, your holidays and in many cases, your sense of identify. Sharing everything you have and everything that you will ever have.
It's not selfish. Passing on your genes is not a selfish act. You're getting a perfectly normal biological function confused with an emotional characteristic, which is not relevent to many.
Perhaps you had a child to pass on your genes. I know that to me, and to many others, my genes were not even a consideration.
I think she meant that it is something we do because it benefits us in some way. Whilst there is often an urge, no-one dies because they don't have children and no-one has children because they believe they are doing so for the good of society. After all, no-one knows how their children will turn out. When you choose to have a child, it is because you want that more than money, career, free time etc.0 -
If I understand Jewel correctly she is not referring to a conscious emotion of selfishness but rather the biological urge to reproduce. Most people who study biology or animal sciences or anthropoly come across this concept at some point...and looked at also in terms of ''altruism''....e.g. in a famine situation why people keep having children - when -in a real not imagined situation- will a mother save herself rather than a child and vice/versa and why the urge to reproduce is strong. I do not believe it to be a personal attack on anyone's choices or decisions or personalities, but rather a look at the ''biological'' rather than ''human/consious'' action of having families.0
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esmerelda98 wrote: »I think she meant that it is something we do because it benefits us in some way. Whilst there is often an urge, no-one dies because they don't have children and no-one has children because they believe they are doing so for the good of society. After all, no-one knows how their children will turn out. When you choose to have a child, it is because you want that more than money, career, free time etc.
It doesn't make it selfish though and to think so is a little warped.
Lots of things that we do benefit us in some way. E.g. Looking after and cleaning the houses of elderly relatives may benefit us as we enjoy their company/have a feeling of duty/do it for peace of mind etc.......it certainly doesn't meant that we do it for selfsh reasons."One day I realised that when you are lying in your grave, it's no good saying, "I was too shy, too frightened."
Because by then you've blown your chances. That's it."0 -
mrcow, the word 'selfish' can be used to mean 'pertaining to self'. It does not always have self-centred and self-absorbed connotations. Regarding the example of the elderly relative, you help primarily because you want them to be comfortable. It may give you peace of mind, but that's by the by. I think that if the main reason you help an elderly relative is because it makes you feel good about yourself, rather than you being concerned for their welfare, that is selfish. When you choose to have a child you do it for yourself (or perhaps in some cases for someone you love very much).0
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Actually, nearly all decisions we make are selfish to some extent. You have a child because you want one, the selflessness and sacrifices involved in raising them come later.
The decision to just have one, or to have 6, or to have none, is also usually selfish, its based on trying to make your life how you want it to be. Its not wrong necessarily, selfish doesn't have to be good or bad it can be either!0 -
There is one point you make which I find more difficult - that people don't want to adopt because a child may have physical or emotional needs. To be honest this is a sad truth. But its still sad.
I think you need to recognise that not everybody has the capabilities to care for an older, adopted/fostered child with complex needs.
Its far far better that people realise this and don't attempt it than that they feel guilt tripped and shamed into trying and inflict yet more damage on the poor child.
Yes, its awful that so many older children aren't in loving homes, but that doesn't mean everyone should just go and pick one up, its not the ****ing dogs home! :mad:0 -
When I think about selfish reasons for reproduction I think of the 'selfish gene' sort of analogy, in that there is an inate 'thing' (force) within many of us which will make us want to reproduce, the selfish simply referring to the propagation of further copies of the 'self' genes in the progeny (child). I suppose this is also described as biological 'desire' to have children.
It is not meant as an insult, meaning the person is a selfish person.
Problems arise when two people in a couple, have differing levels of the desire to reproduce, as the OP is finding out!
Of course once the child comes along we have to learn to be very selfless a lot of the time!Ermutigung wirkt immer besser als Verurteilung.
Encouragement always works better than judgement.0
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