Would you be happy with 1 child?

andrealm

Pee wrote: »

So some people have the time and money and energy to deal with a baby who may or may not have complex needs as they grow up but do not have the capabilities to deal with an older adopted or fostered child with complex needs. Really? Shouldn't they be considering this before they give birth themselves...

There are a lot of people out there who are really struggling to cope with their own biological children's complex needs as well. A lot of people struggle with their own healthy children too. People don't always know how they will cope with being a parent before they have children.

lostinrates

Unsure44 wrote: »

Thank you once again for all the replies.

They have opened my eyes alot and I'm sorry if this thread has upset anyone, that was not my intention

IMO you have absolutely nothing to apologise for. Its the very best function of a forum if someone can ask a question about a difficult position then take on a hugely varied response and determine either that their situation needs to change and how that should be acheived or that the situation is better than felt at first. I sincerely hope that the varied responce DID help and you don't just feel apologetic'about something that you couldn't have anticipated. It was meant to be helpful!

OrkneyStar

mrcow wrote: »

Sorry to be a pedant here, but you are taking Dawkin's idea of the Selfish Gene out of context and are misrepresenting it somewhat.

I was simply referring to the meaning of selfish being related to biological things and NOT a personal choice to be selfish in itself. Not necessarily that it has all the same characteristics! Apologies if any confusion caused .
My science is a bit rusty these days .

SusanC_2

Jewel wrote: »

Your daughter may 'hate' having siblings.

Given she still writes "letters" to the baby sister we buried nearly four months ago I suspect not.

gratefulforhelp_2

Phew, what a thread.

First the inadequate gesture of (hugs) to those with fertility issues.

God Bless baby redhead and keep her as well as possible.

OP I sympathise, I have recently had my third child after wearing DH down...I freely admit this was me acting selfishly (no comment on others' choices).

He's due for vasectomy on Friday, when I have expressed doubts, he says "One baby will be your last" it has to be.

Anyway I have changed tack and am badgering him about adopting and abandoned Sudanese baby.

What I'm saying is, I know kind of how you feel, maybe you will wear him down, but do you want it enough to risk damage to your relationship?

BTW I was never having kids...

affordmylife

honestly my dh would have NEVER changed his mind. we had 4 between us and that was considered enough.

a genuine accident occured and our dd was conceived. she is now 12 and could not be more adored by both of us from the moment she arrived.

best of luck x

moneysaver12

Hi when we were trying for our ds, we said that we would have either one or two children, two would be the most and we would wait till ds was five. When ds was born i said i didn't want anymore, dh was happy with that. Over the last ten and half months i have gone from been broody to not been broody. Then a couple of weeks ago, the broody feelings started again and i thought they would stop, this time is different, the feelings have got stronger, i haven't changed my mind. I really do want another baby, don't want to wait till ds is older. At first when i said to my dh about me been broody, he thought as usual i would change my mind. Then after a few days, he started to realise that this time was different and agree to talk to me about it. At the weekend we had a talk, i suggested options about when to have another baby. He has thought about it and agrees that we can start trying for another one. Which i am very happy about. Im not going into this blindly as i know that two will be harder than one, plus i am in the last year of my uni course so need to time it so i give birth after i graduate.

My dh will talk to me about most things, but i was finding it difficult to get him to talk about this, in the end i sent him a email, explaining how i felt and trying to ease his worries. I told him i had sent a email and he asked what it was about and why i didn't talk to him about it, i said i had tried and he wasn't really listening, this led to us talking about having another baby.

I hope that at some point you oh will sit down and talk to you about how you would like another baby.

neverdespairgirl

I only have one at the moment - DS was 6 last month. We are going to ttc again next year.

I'm the oldest of 4, and I get on really well with my sisters and brother. OH only has one brother, 7 years younger than him, and they get on really well, too.

Buttonmoons

I'm content with the 1 child I have right now (she's 5) I've been making up a photobook of her from birth - 5, and I have been a bit teary over it. She starts school today too, growing up so quickly

I don't know if I would have another, it's not something I want at the moment (and have no-one to get the essential stuff from!) and its not something she has ever showed an interest in, I have a younger sister aged 7 and they play together a lot, so perhaps its a replicate sibling for her.

With her being my (and her dads) only child, she is quite indulged, although not in the sense she acts like it, more just we can afford to do things with her, on whim, if we want.

Oh and I have 2 sisters, (17,7) half sisters technically, but thats by the by, I am more like a mother than a sister to the 7 year old, and my 17 year old sister just irritates me.....and always has, there is 7 years of difference between us, but probably some deep seated resentment that she was better treated at home than I, because her dad was around. Ho hum.

Pickle_99_uk

My hubby and I had 4 IVF attempts, took 5 years and spent £20,000 to have our son so I'm over the moon with one child. I think you are incredibly lucky.