Would you be happy with 1 child?

OrkneyStar

One is definitely enough for us, we are happy with him, we can afford him (just lol) and he mixes with other kids all the time- at nursery, visits etc. I have a sister, love her dearly, but she lives 300 miles away and being 5 years older than me we often didn't play together anyway as children. I do feel for you if you really want another child, and DH doesn't, but at least you have one lovely child already- that is a blessing in itself! Emotions, especially ones related to having children are very strong things, and I wouldn't want to be-little anyones experience (be it infertility, pressure from a partner, confusion etc).x

Rummer

OP I completely understand how you feel, I have a DD that I adore and she is 8. I have always wanted two children and my OH felt the same when we got together. After a difficult pregnancy and ongoing health issues with me he is now saying no to another baby. We have talked at length about it sharing our views and neither of us has changed our minds. Usually we can compromise if we disagree but this is not an issue to compromise on. My age is also a reminder that I would need to fall pregnant sooner than later. All of our friends are currently having babies and as happy as I am for them it can be hard knowing that they are having that experience when I am not.

graemecarter

Unsure44 wrote: »

I currently have one daughter aged 5. I am thinking that I really would like another child, just one more but my partner doesn't seem to agree.

I'd like to think if I was in this situation that I would seek a third party and have some kind counselling to come to a resolution.
There is no 'compromise' as such (you cannot have half a child) so one of you is not going to get what you want. Open, honest, communication is the way forward, otherwise there could be a lifetime of resentment, which may corrode your marriage.
Good luck

clairibel

We've got the one boy 9 and a bit back had the longing but then reality kicked in like finances, we have a decent life now but another would stretch us and also he is happy being an only child and has made it clear he doesn't want to share me and dad as i did worry about the only child thing.

Both me and my hubbie have a sibling of whom we both hardly see, just nothing in common really, so it sometimes doesn't matter if they have siblings as theres not always a close bond.

Think i might get another dog though instead

babymoo

If I ever had the slightest chance to ever have just 1 child I would never again stop smiling! Unfortunately I had a hysterectomy at the age of 17 due to illhealth and that will never happen.

Just be greatful and enjoy the beautiful child you already have, you have more than I will ever have and millions of women like me.

Jewel_2

I have no idea how people without kids can read this thread - not because I feel 'sorry' because that's just patronising, but because even I find the whole thing naive, insensitive and, well, kind of assuming and greedy. But I don't really know why, because no-one is meaning to be.

I have one biological child. I had post natal depression with her (she nearly died at 3 months old so perhaps that was it). I then divorced and my now husband, who has no biological children, brought her up with me from the age of 3. In the past both me and my husband have 'found' ourselves working with chidlren with severe physical and mental illness, and also terminal illnesses. We don't now, but that's what life dealt us at the time.

So, my situation isn't the norm. I've seen that you don't have to be biologically related to love a child dearly, in fact, the relationship between my daughter and her stepfather I think was 'meant to be'.

Very few people in general consider adoption, perhaps its becausea they haven't experienced or do not think the love can be so great, perhaps its the yearning to go through pregnancy and birth, I don't know, and I don't berate people for that. But you certainly can love a child just as much who isn't biological related. I think its actually irrelevant.

There are comments on here that I find slightly odd. Having children is ultimately a selfish exercise - its so that we can carry our genes on, that is all. We may not be aware of this, but that's why we have them. That's the biological part.

Those who choose not to, or cannot, are less selfish, perhaps looking at the bigger picture. We have too many children world wide, children dying because they have no food, homeless kids, but for some reason as a nation we are unable to stop pro-creating to instead decide to look after those without parents, and without love (that's the natural selfish bit really).

Every single child is an individual. No-one should have more children because they play together, because they won't be lonely, because when they grow up they will be close. Life just doesn't happen like that. Kids, when they are older, are 'independent of us'. Thats what we SHOULD do, if we are selfless, we should bring them up and let them go (obviously supporting them en route). But we don't do that. We get lost in this bubble that they will happily skip along with each other, looking after us in our old age. They are their own beings!

I genuinely know no-one is trying to upset here, but there is a, perhaps well-deserved and needed naivety that having one, two, three, four, five kids makes our family better - and a seemingly 'feeling sorry' response to those who 'haven't got lives like ours'.

I dunno, perhaps its just me, but when I see the faces of those poor kids whose parents have been killed etc it makes me unable to consider bringing another life into the world until I've done something, and I mean really done something, to help the kids who have nothing.

lostinrates

Jewel wrote: »

Those who choose not to, or cannot, are less selfish, perhaps looking at the bigger picture. .

I think I am not less selfish, I would have a child if I could. But I do think things like ''replacement rate'' is a poor justification for all the reasons you state. The world population is increasing and ''our'' children and their children face problems bigger than who will pay their parents and grandparents pensions. That's why I wouldn;t have more than two ever, and only really wanted one. But I would have that one like a shot.

fwiw we looked into fostering, and got really bad feedback about being ''too middle class'' and the potential to ''give children ambition they couldn't fulfil'' which was both shocking and depressing. We talk about adoption, but ultimately haven;t done anything about it.

Person_one

Jewel, I have absolutely no idea how your post is supposed to be relevant or helpful to the OP.

Pee

Oh, yes, I'd be estatic. But then I really want children and it appears can't have them.

One option for me would be to split from my partner as there is a good chance, say 50/50, that it might work with somone else.

I wouldn't want to have children with anyone else.

If having a SECOND child is more important to you than your man, I feel sorry for you and hope you meet someone special one day.

Jewel_2

Person_one wrote: »

Jewel, I have absolutely no idea how your post is supposed to be relevant or helpful to the OP.

I don't think I can personally help the OP, she has to reach a decision herself, and some of it may be helpful. Just like everyone else's posts.