Would you be happy with 1 child?

Unsure44

Hi all,

I currently have one daughter aged 5. I am thinking that I really would like another child, just one more but my partner doesn't seem to agree.

I have tried to talk to him about how I feel to find out how he feels about it but he just makes excuses as to why we can't have another child at the moment or he just says he still hasn't made his mind up.

I'm starting to get that horrible desperate broody feeling and crying alot every time I see babies, doesn't help my sister has just had her second baby and she is 11 years younger then me

All my partner seems to talk about is how he can't wait for me to get back to work full time and for us to have money again, and how he wants a new car:eek: personally these are things that can be obtained at a later date, another child possibly wouldn't be!

We are not getting any younger although we aren't quite past it yet (i hope!) I'm 32 and hes 34. I guess what I worry about is the age gap getting bigger and the more time goes past the easier it gets looking after her so the less likely he will want to go back to nappy changing, lack of sleep and all the difficulties that come with a baby.

A part of me imagines the rest of my life with just one child and no more and I feel upset by it wondering if in 10 years i will be full of regret, but I love my partner very much and I don't want children with anyone else so I guess I have no option but to hope he changes his mind, but then would I end up resenting him? Arrggg I don't know what to do, I feel helpless.

I can't even get pregnant 'by accident' as some helpful people have suggested I do lol, not that I would want to, it wouldn't be fair to trick him into another child.

I try and think of the positives of having one child, we are lucky to have a child full stop some people can't have kids, we will be able to afford to do more with her as one child is cheaper then two! and no sibling arguements...
My partner is an only child himself and loved it, he never felt he missed out not having any siblings, whereas I'm one of 4 which put me of having lots of children but a nice comprimise i feel is 2 children.

I know no one can really help me, but any advice would be welcome, I feel like I'm living im limbo until he makes a decision. Should i try and return to work full time, build a career again? I don't want to do that again then in x number of years take time off to have another child and be back at square one again.
It wasn't easy first time round as my daughter was pretty ill so my years maternity leave turned into 3 years as I had to care for her. It wasn't easy having a baby that wouldn't feed,sleep and screamed in pain 24/7, I think thats another reason he is wary, it was a VERY difficult time and we just about scrapped though it with our relationship intact and my mental health fragile. Of course theres no way of knowing if my next child would be as hard work or not its a risk.

I should shut up now anyway.

missiemog

i'm an only child, and i know my mum doesn't regret a thing.

until 4 years ago, i only had my daughter (15 at the time). i then met my partner who was desperate for children and we had two boys. i wouldn't change them (apart from them to listen a bit more and be a little more well behaved) but if he wasn't too fussed on children i'd have stuck with my girl.

as your first one was a bit of a challenge he's probably very wary.

you can't force the issue, he'll decide in his own good time. enjoy the girl you have.

victory

We had an only child for the first 8 years and then had another one, if I were to suggest anything is although we adore them the age gap is difficult even for them as they have nothing in common age wise and life wise so what I am saying is don't wait any longer:D

julie03

we had an 8 yr gap as well then had 2 more children, sometimes its like having 2 families

lostinrates

missiemog wrote: »

. enjoy the girl you have.

My husband and I can't have any children... one would thrill us greatly. If we had been able to have children we would only have wanted one, at the very most two.

Good luck in reaching agreement which makes you both comfortable .

balletshoes

I have one child, through choice. But I never yearned for another child like you appear to be yearning for one OP. It must be very difficult if you are set having another child, and your OH is dead set against it.

Person_one

I wouldn't be without my sibling for anything, its a relationship like no other you ever have.

Do you have a big extended family? Who will your daughter have left after you're gone? Bear in mind she may never marry or have her own children.

make_me_wise

Unsure44 wrote: »

I have tried to talk to him about how I feel to find out how he feels about it but he just makes excuses as to why we can't have another child at the moment or he just says he still hasn't made his mind up.

You are both still young enough to give it some time before having another baby. There are some who say it is better health wise to have a child before you pass 35. Less risk of downs etc. Would it help you feel better if you both agreed a date by which you will make a final decision? Also that you could agree the decision will only be reached once you have listened to each other and fully considered each others point of view.

I am 39 and about half way through my first pregnancy which thankfully is going well. We discovered around the 12 week mark that we are having twins. This came as a bit of a shock I can tell you, though we are delighted about it.

From my own situation I must admit whilst reading your post, I wondered if part of your husbands reluctance to commit to a 2nd pregnancy, maybe the thought of the possibility of you falling pregnant for more than one baby.

There is no guarantee you would only end up expecting one baby. If he is the sole earner then it is worthwile sorting your finances out properly before extending your family. He may be feeling that you could possibly afford a 2nd child in a while but the chance of having more children than that could stretch you to the limits.

Something that hubby and I have spoken about, and we have decided now that provided all goes well, this will be my only pregnancy. Two we can afford, three would be a stretch, four would be impossible.

victory

julie03 wrote: »

we had an 8 yr gap as well then had 2 more children, sometimes its like having 2 families

It is though isn't it? Youngest wants to play on the xbox and go bike riding, eldest wants to go out to nightclubs, drink, go on lads only hols, play football, so not even a day out with the family can really be arranged because he doesn't want to go to the park or the zoo and the other one doesn't want to go out with a load of teenagers:D

pigpen

I hated being an only child.. absolutely loathed it.. I was lonely and withdrawn and miserable and bored. I was so much happier when I was 8 and got siblings..

I guess it depends on which one child I had though.. .. I wasnt happy with 1..

I think the only thing you can do is discuss it in great detail with him and why he feels as he does.

poppy_f1

im a only child and dont feel like i missed out on having siblings