Would you be happy with 1 child?

snookey

My children have an eight year age gap and its worked out really well. They both get on and they dont fight apart from bickering. It was a shock after eight years going back to bottles and nappys and the lack of freedom to just get up go places.
At the end of the day its up to you and your partner.

stroodes

Like you snookey ours have a 7 year age gap, older son treated younger son ( baby at the time ) like a pet gerbil, just the occassional pat, now 15 and 8 they are very close, though still fight like cat and dog. BTW I was 38 when second was born, felt the need to dye my grey hair before giving birth lol.

marywooyeah

I only have one child now, DS1 would have been 5 on edd 17/08 and DS2 is 3. I don't ever want to have anymore children as I couldn't go through the grieving again if one died - I do identify with the poster who raised this prospect.
my husband wants another, but understands how I feel, we have agreed that at some point we will probably have another when I feel like I could hopefully cope with it. I was one of 5, the oldest of my dad's kids and the middle of my mum's, I often ended up looking after the youngest 2 and tbh I resented it, I felt like an unpaid babysitter and they came to rely on me more than their parents eg when they woke up they'd come into my bed rather seeking their parents. I bonded well with them, but felt like I didnt get much time to be a child myself as my parents placed so much responsibility on me.

I think if you have 1 child you can afford more things/days out etc, but if you have more they can keep each other company, its a really hard descision to determine which is better, they both have pros and cons.
If you are really yearning for another then you need to make sure your husband gets this and reach a firm decision, perhaps the difficult start with your child has put him off.

swimsink

mummyplus3 wrote: »

mine were complete surprises, I am "infertile"...

I was happy at the time with just the one but when we found out about number 2 we were happy too, OH wants more in the future but I hate being pregnant and giving birth so I am happy with my two.

Have a really good talk with him about it and I guess you need to weigh up whether your want for another baby outweighs the want to be with your oh xx

Mines a similar story, DD's father had leukemia and was told he was infertile which is why i fell pregnant at such a young age

Molly41

I was and am an only child. Its a lonely existence and still is. I wish i had a sibling to share stuff with. I have four children so wonder what that says ?

Abbafan1972

It's a difficult question....I am an only child myself. I don't know the full details but my Mom lost 2 babies after having me and ended up being sterilised.

I did find it lonely a lot of the time, my parents went out to work and when I was slightly older I would have to spend the school holidays home alone. Most of the time I would have to make my own amusement. Luckily I have a lot of cousins and did spend time with them, although I don't see them now.

I have 2 dd's and didn't like the idea of just having one for the above reasons. There's 2 years and 3 months between them (age 9 & 7) and they do play together and have the same sort of interests, they do bicker too! And because I'm a only child myself and DH only has one brother, hence they only have 2 cousins which are much older (21 and 18 now or something) and they don't see them anyway. Hence me just having one child, they wouldn't have any other family to interact with.

dizziblonde

To add to what I said (threads like this really do rub salt into the wound of many reading this).

I was an only child for about 8-9 years, brother was, shall we say, not expected (my mother sums it up as "never believe a male gynae when he says you're infertile"). Subsequently my father walked out on us (got caught with his pants down and his sausage somewhere it shouldn't have been).

It meant that I had to take on so much responsibility as my mother fell apart (it was a very very acrimonious divorce) - that by the age of 10 I was bathing my brother, doing all his eczema medication, getting my mother out of bed and a coffee made for her (at that point she was anorexic and it was the only nutrition she got in her for most of the day), getting myself off to school, getting the bus into town on a Saturday to do the family shop by myself - I essentially lost my childhood.

Me and my brother weren't close for years - it's only recently we even have each other's mobile phone numbers. When my mum gets old and frail, I know it won't be shared responsibility around the whole family to look after her since my brother's planning on leaving the country when he gets his qualifications he's working on at the moment - it'll all fall on me anyway, like it would if I were an only child. So I'll get all the responsibility, but I lost all my childhood by being one of two - I wish I had have been an only child - I gained more strength by being just one, than I lost by being one of two - I became an avid reader, loved crafts, could entertain myself for hours with nothing more than a crisp box, some felt tips and a pritt stick, could play against two journalist parents at scrabble and semi-hold my own - I learnt that you can't always be with other people and that sometimes you need to be content (or at least comfortable) with yourself and your own thoughts for company, I learnt to love animals deeply - my cat was my confidant (and a handy foot warmer) and I think I was a much happier, free-er child than the overburdened secondary-carer I ended up becoming for the baby brother that yeah, I'd whined I wanted out of the kid-perception that what everyone else is having is what I want too - however I'd also whined that we didn't have a VHS player and that I'd never had a Pot Noodle too.

And since when did we let children dictate the bonking habits of adults anyway? That's just such a ludicrous thought to me.

euronorris

Just wanted to add that siblings with age gaps can get on very well. I have 4 siblings, all older than me. Ranging from 12 years older to 4 years older and we all get on very well and we used to interact loads when we were younger too. I loved having older brothers looking out for me.

Jewel_2

Molly41 wrote: »

I was and am an only child. Its a lonely existence and still is. I wish i had a sibling to share stuff with. I have four children so wonder what that says ?

To me this is just a classic case of the grass is always greener.

I have a sibling, but I only have one child myself, so I wonder what that says? It actually says nothing really. We all tend to pity ourselves for something in our lives, and then try to do the opposite as we selfishly live through our children (nothign personal intended).

My brother lives the other end of the country to me, we love each other as we love other people, but we lead separate lives (and so we should, because we were brought up to be individuals). I probably see him 3 times a year. I'm not in the least bit lonely.

Siblings aren't there to keep other siblings company, except in the parents eyes. They usually squabble as littlies, and then do their own thing when they get older.

At the opposite extreme, my ex's family pretend to be close, and they actually all hate each other with a passion (I know this now I'm the ex, they all come to me and tell me lol!). The cousins are in competition with each other just as the parents are. I'm so glad I don't have to take part in those events!

Remember, quality not quanity.

Oh and another thing, my brother hasn't got any kids and gets slated for it!

dizsiebubba

I'm an only as my parents were both 1 of 3/4 in poor families and hated it never having a thing to themselves, having to always look after younger siblings etc.

They decided that they wanted to be able to spoil me when they wanted to & give me their full time and attention. Mostly i loved being an only, but i always had friends to stay or took a friend with me to things (even once on holiday but we drove to a villa so it didnt cost them much more having her there!)

My OH has 3 much older half brothers, infact he has nephews the same age / older than him, so he basically grew up as an only too. His childhood was very lonely until he was old enough to go out with his mates.

He wants 2 and I want just 1...so we will have to see what happens!