Would you be happy with 1 child?

moomoomama27

I always knew I wanted more than one child, although I do have a 5.5 yr gap between my first 2.

It must be awful to want something so much, and be on a totally different page. Did you talk with your partner about how many children yo would like before you started a family?

I guess the only thing you can do is be patient and hope he changes his mind! I had the opposite problem, after baby no.3 I knew I was done! Dh on the other hand would have preferred to stop at 4!

SkintGypsy

I was grateful to get one, and if we couldn't have had any more then we would have counted our blessings at that. As it was we were lucky enough to have another, but I would have been more than happy at one.

mummyoftwomonkeys

Its a hard one, are you from a big family? or an only child? I have 1 brother 2 years younger than me, I had one son who is lovely he is very sweet natured was a very good baby hardly cried and I always knew I wanted to give him a brother or sister with a 2 year age gap, we gave him a brother and although of course i love him to bits he is my son he is a lot more hard work than his brother ever was lol, i don't want to sound morbid but i think about when me and my husband are gone I wouldn't want to leave them alone in the world that's my reason for wanting more than 1.

mrcow

I wouldn't have been happy with just one child through choice. I think siblings play an important role in growing and learning.

Then again, many don't have that choice and I would rather have had my first than simply none at all. I did feel he was lonely as a young child though. My younger two don't realise how very lucky they are to have playmates 100% of their waking time. My children never stop playing, all the time, and in an extremely creative way - they don't need a tv, or computers or entertaining by me hardly ever, unless I choose to - something that my first (as an only child until he was 4) never did as he only usually had grown up company when at home.

Unsure44

Thanks for the replys, its nice to have people's points of view.
If I'm honest we discussed having children before we had our daughter, we have been together 12 years and had our daughter 7 years into our relationship. We did kind of agree on one child because at the time I honestly thought that it would be nice to have just one and until recently I didn't think I would change my mind but suddenly over the last year I would say since my daughter started school I have started to think about how nice it would be to have another one.

Part of it is maybe that I am left at home wondering how my daughter is at school already!! its cliche but they grow so fast! maybe thats part of the yearning for another child, also she is at the age where she has started asking for a sibling ( a sister in fact not a stinky brother as she says lol) I didn't expect to change my mind about how I felt which is why I agreed with my partner at the time that one child would be nice.

I also worry about her because her school report and teacher have commented on how withdrawn she is sometimes from playing with her peers, she does have confidence to go and talk to other children and always makes friends when we go on holiday and stuff but at school the teacher was concerned that she tended to stand on the sidelines looking in and wasn't getting involved, however interacting with adults she is very good at lol! she can wrap anyone round her little finger. I try to take her to friends houses to play and have them round, otherwise she does want my attention alot and moans she doesn't like playing on her own which makes me feel bad shes a whizz on the computer and loves TV prolly not a great thing either.

We manage ok with money at the moment, have a holiday once a year, both have cars etc, I work part time and my partners salary is good and hes doing well at work so although having another child would stretch our money and our space (we currently have a 2 bedroom house) it could be done (although if we had twins things would be very tight!)

I really want to sit down and have a more serious chat about it but everytime I try he changes the subject, I've even said to him if its a definate no then please just tell me because I would rather know and try and get over it then keep my hopes up for years in case he changes his mind!

I hope we have a few years yet to decide but you never know what might happen and yes the age gap bothers me, I'm not close to my siblings that much and the 11 years between me and my sister meant we never had anything in common and still don't. I keep trying to explain that to him as it could take a while to get pregnant if I even can again and then its another 9 months till the birth by which point she would be 6 if we leave it any longer she will be 7 and then so on until it seems not pointless as such but much harder to start over again.

I'm not sure how you did it missiemog! after 15 years I'm not sure I would want to go back to babies and nappies again! but it gives me some hope that maybe he will feel differently given some time

lilmissmup

I have a similar problem but a bit different, my Oh already has two children and I want at least one but maybe two so he could end up with 4 children, financially we might not be able to afford it as he has to pay for his two children.

My older brother is 5 years older than me, its an ok gap but sometimes I wish we were a bit closer.

mrsa

For me, I always wanted at least 2 children. Today I have 3 and still feel a desperate need for more. I just adore having children so much and no matter how many you have the ache for another child is just the same. Someone once said something to me that I have found to be very true.
'You never regret the children you have, only the ones you don't' If you feel you can be totally content with just one daughter then you need to forget the want for another and focus on something else and move on with your life. If you can't then you may have some testing times ahead in your relationship if your partner does not change his mind.

My husband is an amazing dad and he would happily stopped at 1 but he realised how much I wanted another and really agreed only for me. When DS2 was born extreamly premature and sick for a long time it was so hard and he was convinced no more. Then when ds2 grew up a little he saw my yearning and we agreed to have another. Now, he cannot imagine live without any of them and adores them all so much. I hope one day we will have more.
Time changes people, feelings change over time and events in your life change your views.

summerday

You might find that as she's already 5, the gap would be so large by the time the 2nd came along that they have little in common and not likely to play together anyway. My little sister was 7 years younger than me and just annoyed me, I didn't want to join in with her babyish games and of course she didn't have the capability to join in with what I wanted to do.

Does your DD have any cousins nearby? If not, perhaps you need to just encourage her to socialise more, invite friends over more, get her involved in more clubs etc so she isn't lonely.

dizziblonde

After years of infertility and miscarriage - I'd cry tears of joy and do bargains with any supreme being around for the chance of one.

lolseh

I'm an only child and never wanted a brother or sister. Mum always says that giving birth to me was bad enough to put her off anymore. I don't think I've missed out on anyway atall and because I was ill alot of my childhood and all my teen years I'm actually glad I don't have siblings because mum was my full time carer so wouldn't have had much time for more kids so they might feel neglected etc. Because of medication I'm on I've been warned by my neurologist about having kids unplanned as I would need to attend various clinics etc to make sure it was safe.. So if I was blessed enough to be well enough for 1 child then I would be happy and be glad I could even achieve that. Otherwise I'd be happy a life by myself with my animals