Would you be happy with 1 child?

affordmylife

i am truly bless to have 5 wonderful children in my life. 3 i have given birth too and 2 step children.

one would never have been enough for me. i would have had more if hubby had been agreeable as it was the last one was a lucky lucky mistake.

my heart goes out to anyone who for whatever reason is childless. it must be unbearably hard. i have no comprehension of how that must feel. however it is possible to love a child that has not been inside your body. never ever give up hope xx

lostinrates

affordmylife wrote: »

i am truly bless to have 5 wonderful children in my life. 3 i have given birth too and 2 step children.

There is so much sadness on this board with step families, it is truly wonderful to hear someone include their step as part of the wonderful total.

my heart goes out to anyone who for whatever reason is childless. it must be unbearably hard. i have no comprehension of how that must feel. however it is possible to love a child that has not been inside your body. never ever give up hope xx

No, its not unbearably hard. Very little is. Its hard, but its not unbearable: if it were I wouldn't be here typing! I have so much wonderful in my life I feel embarrassed to want more, something I learn from these boards is how very lucky I am. There is no violence, and lots of love in our house, we have an income and choices, and typically of the childless rather spoiled pets and we're a little childish because the final part of us doesn't have to grow up. people cannot have everything they want just because they want it! That's just what people have to do: bear it.

Lotus-eater

I really want to say something to lighten the mood, but even I get it's not the right time.

We went to a friends house last week and the lady there who is my old (he's not old, just an old friend) friends wife was playing lovely with our kids for hours, she was so nice and good with them, it was great to see.
I heard later that she was crying on her bed upstairs after we left, as apparently it's almost impossible for her to have kids. I feel terrible, but there doesn't seem to be anything I can do. I don't know if I should take the kids back or not.

CH27

Unsure44 wrote: »

I'm going to admit something that is really awful, its so awful I hate that I even think it.

What if my child dies before me? God that sounds selfish, but to explain when I was 19 a very good friend died in a car crash and he was an only child, I just couldn't get my head round it, one min your a parent and then your not, he was 18.

This makes it sound like a selfish reason for wanting more children but thats not the 'only' reason I want another one, but it does cross my mind in a horrendous way.

My daughter is amazing and when I look and listen to her I can't imagine myself not wanting another child! I think thats what it is for me, shes so god damn amazing I want another one! If that makes any sense

I love her so much I can't imagine not loving anothrer just as much!

You can't think like that. It will mess your head up.

Be grateful you have a happy, healthy, much loved child. That is a massive blessing.

Person_one

CH27 wrote: »

You can't think like that. It will mess your head up.

Be grateful you have a happy, healthy, much loved child. That is a massive blessing.

That would mean everybody stopping at one.

It is not wrong, not strange, not selfish, not insulting to the childless, not a sign that you aren't happy with your first, to want more than one child.

Its entirely natural, possibly instinctive, one child per fertile couple is substantially less than replacement rate.

CH27

Person_one wrote: »

That would mean everybody stopping at one.

It is not wrong, not strange, not selfish, not insulting to the childless, not a sign that you aren't happy with your first, to want more than one child.

Its entirely natural, possibly instinctive, one child per fertile couple is substantially less than replacement rate.

I didn't mean everyone should stop at one.
I was answering in the context of her worry about her child predeceasing her.

Person_one

CH27 wrote: »

I didn't mean everyone should stop at one.
I was answering in the context of her worry about her child predeceasing her.

I agree that its not healthy for parents to worry too much about that, but all this 'one child is a blessing' 'be grateful you have one' is a little too much like guilt tripping.

I think maybe posters who are struggling with their own issues relating to infertility would probably be sensible to choose to ignore this kind of thread. The two situations are not comparable.

lostinrates

Lotus-eater wrote: »

. I don't know if I should take the kids back or not.

I can't speak for her, but I long to be someone's very doting god mother. The kind that spoils kids rotten when they are little, has them for weekends when my friend's want a weekend off and then when they are older is there to tell them their /dad is right they should hold off on the tattoo/tongue piercing (but not in so many words so they feel they have someone to go to) I love having my friends' children here, babysitting or with them. One day this week I had lunch with my friend and her little boy and we played pee-po in the shops afterwards.


edit: and FWIW I think its the perfect time for a joke, but only a good one.

Person_one

lostinrates, is it supposed to say 'pants' in your sig?

lostinrates

Person_one wrote: »

lostinrates, is it supposed to say 'pants' in your sig?

Its a longish story, the answer is yes, and no :D