his wedding, my son is barely invited.

mummyroysof3

i think OP you are going to have to decide wether the arangements dad has made are suitable or not..if not you need to make arrangements yourself, can son stay for meal if you pick him up later? can you pick him up later? if not explain to son its far away and neither you or dad can do the journey so someone will be bringing him home after church...do you think maybe you are turning it into a bigger deal than your son?

scheming_gypsy

mummyroysof3 wrote: »

i dont see what the problem is with OP calling her son HE on here, i wrote a post about my son yesterday and called him he a few times, couldnt use his name so what should i have put?

fully agree, I'd rather people use he or she when talking about their kids instead of DS and DD as though they're a frickin Nintendo or a direct debit.

mummyroysof3

scheming_gypsy wrote: »

fully agree, I'd rather people use he or she when talking about their kids instead of DS and DD as though they're a frickin Nintendo or a direct debit.

chocked on my coffee now:rotfl:

newcook

scheming_gypsy wrote: »

60 mile round trip is 30 miles each way so it's not that far, i'm also debating the couple of hours part as it can't be all B roads.

I used to live 11.9 miles away from where I do now (doorstep to doorstep) - AA route planner tells me its a 26 minute drive - half of which is down a motorway. it would be unreasonable for OP to ask a punter to drive an hour there and back to get her son - and for him to take 2 hours out of his/hers drinking time with friends to do a favour.

scheming_gypsy

newcook wrote: »

I used to live 11.9 miles away from where I do now (doorstep to doorstep) - AA route planner tells me its a 26 minute drive - half of which is down a motorway. it would be unreasonable for OP to ask a punter to drive an hour there and back to get her son - and for him to take 2 hours out of his/hers drinking time with friends to do a favour.

that's the magic words!!! drinking time = there and back before the first pint's been pulled.

shellsuit

I think considering it's their wedding day, that the right thing to do, if you want your son to be involved, is to take the time off work and do the running about.

However you feel about the bloke, I'd do this just the once, otherwise either your son will be upset, or you'll get called childish and jealous.

If you can't do it, then your son can't go can he?

It's not fair to say it's their day to have him as it's not a normal day is it?

lolseh

At 4 years old I think I would be happy not to go the the wedding and go a nice day out with my mum or a new toy because I would probaly soon forget all about the wedding! But would I forget going somewhere full of strangers and only wanting to be with my dad who would probaly not spend much time with me because he was too busy with his new family and life?

LianeB

Speaking as a non parent the only practical options I can see are

a) Your son goes ahead to the part of wedding possible and as he is only 4 I doubt he will notice he has actually missed out on anything.

b) You take the time off uni and work to take son to the wedding and charge your ex for the inconvinence to yourself.

c) You don't allow your son to go to the wedding full stop but as you said your son has been looking forward to this day for a while.

Hope you can resolve the issue

make_me_wise

LolaLemon wrote: »

My sons sperm donor is getting married next month, abt 2 weeks back, he asked me to pick son up from venue at 7pm

I am soo rambling here, but really don't know what to do abt the time from 3-7, or how disappointed son is going to be when he realises his dad doesn't want him at the party, which he has been going on about since the royal wedding, when a group of friends had a party for the kids.

Why will your son realise what I have highlighted above. His dad does wants him at the party. He asked you to pick him up at 7pm so he could be included in everything. I think it would be very unfair to your son for him to think his dad doesn't want him at the party, when that really isn't the case.

Okay so due to commitments and financial constraints it is not possible for you to do this. However there is only so much he can do to help you out considering this is his wedding day. Staying overnight could be tricky as he wouldn't really be able to crash in his dad and the new wifes room. They are entitled to a wedding night aren't they. Who else at the wedding could look after him overnight? Have you asked if this is a possibility?

Are there no friends or family of yours who could collect your son at 7pm so that he can enjoy the whole wedding as his dad wished? I would avoid at all cost letting the little boy think his dad does not want him at the whole event. Telling him that could be very destructive to his self-esteem.

LolaLemon

Sorry I use my moviles and have lost a few posts so far, so will try and include what I had.

The weekend of the wedding is the same as our local holiday weekend, I have already tried to see if anyone can take on my shift, leaving me with 8 hours at minimum wage, under £48 for the week.(sons diet means I pay £11 per week just on milk for the week!) It's a small staffed pub. One is away to turkey, the rest are heading to caravan parks and blackpool, the only other 2 are working, one does the day shift Friday n Saturday, the other works all day Sunday. I can't even swap with them as I have no child care available those days.
I'm not sure if the manager will be about, he normally only stays til I get their then generally heads home.

I have never said I would not take a holiday for the night, their just isn't holiday time available.

A few have mentioned cutting sons losses at this age. That is not my choice to make. Either he will stop picking son up, or son will decide to stop himself. I just have to make sure that what is lacking from that side, he gets from me. Thankfully, my son is a happy well rounded child most of the time. Their has bn a few things where I have worried (the spots being one thing).

Oh, I haven't refered to son as HE, HE has been in reference to sons dad.

My son hasn't made any issue of this yet, as I nor his dad have mentioned it to him, but they did tell son he was going to the party and he can dance with the best man's wee girl, who apparently fancies son, think she is 4 as well.

Reverb, I'm unsure where u are getting that both us parents refer to son as HE? I'm pretty sure that sons dad doesn't even know this forum exists, let alone be posting in this forum.

I live approx 30 miles away, on train that is 1 hour on the fast train. To drive takes an hour as long as I miss the traffic, get stuck in traffic at one point and it takes a further 20-30 mins to get past, and the junction needed is beyond that point.
My car is not suitable for motorway driving, It is a really old car, that does 6 miles a day when at uni, during the summer, it dies 6 miles a week.

I can't remember what else I was going to say/respond to, other than thank you to everyone who has given advice. I will be speaking with him tomorrow to see what can be done.