his wedding, my son is barely invited.

abacus73

LolaLemon wrote: »

My sons sperm donor is getting married next month

I gave up reading at this point. What a disgusting way to refer to the father of your child. I agree with the poster above that at 4 years old suggesting a girl fancies your son is a very wierd way to look at things!

Jewel_2

Valli wrote: »

what's underlying all this, somethings, is that the father of this child doesn't really HAVE a 'relationship' with this boy. Because IF he did he would want him to BE part of the day, and the family.

Mind you I know someone who found our HER dad had remarried AFTER the event - and this was a teenage girl whose father had left the family home following an affair (with the woman he later married).
There are some fathers who turn their backs on their children without a moment's thought. Of course there are some mothers who do that, too.

Absolutely right - and the worse thing to do is to try to protect children in these situations (not from a safety point of view of course, but the kids will only get hurt in the long run).

LolaLemon

thorsoak wrote: »

{... Goes off, shaking head, wondering whether the world really is going to hell in a handbag! }

It is a joke type thing, she has a soft spot for him, followed him everywhere at sons party (that I requested all the kids going to the wedding came, so son could get to know them, and also so I can see how he interacts with them, he has met a few on different occasions in the past)

misgrace

tesuhoha wrote: »

Sorry I just have to butt in. I think that there have been some very unfair comments made towards you on this thread. I can understand your anger.

However, to be honest I think it would be much easier for you and safer for him if you kept him at home. They sound like a very cold and unwelcoming family and it may be a good idea to cut ties before he's old enough to be really hurt by all this rejection.

Maybe try to get some vouchers or something from this forum and take him for a day out at a theme park when you have some free time.

I agree, I know its the Exs day but what your saying is that its as though your little boy is going to be a hindrence for the father on his day, and you cant even rely on any of the Exs family, even the GPs are not very helpfull.

I know your little boy is excited about it all, but I would be worried that he is not getting looked after, or even seen as a pain at the wedding, and not to be invited to the meal/photos etc must be like a knife in your heart.
So me personally would not even take him, he's 4, he will hopefully not remember this day that he was meant to go to his dad wedding, take him out somewhere, spoil him rotten, it will soon be forgotten, but if he goes, and it does not go well from your sons point, then that would hurt him more.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but its not harsh towards you, I know your thinking of your son, so I wouldnt even bother taking him there.

LolaLemon

abacus73 wrote: »

I gave up reading at this point. What a disgusting way to refer to the father of your child. I agree with the poster above that at 4 years old suggesting a girl fancies your son is a very wierd way to look at things!

Thankfully u haven't read the rest to see how disgustingly he treats his son then


Just like to point out, I only ever refer to him as sperm donor if I ever start a post abt him. Never have I said it to anyone else, and I prefer it to every other derogatory name that others in similar situation to mine would call him (or her)

globetraveller

You said your son has allergies. As dad will be too busy getting married perhaps others are reluctant to take responsibility for him?? You mentioned hives Does he have food allergies as well?
I don't know what sort of a relationship you have with your ex's parents ( and your son's grandparents) but would it not be worth a call to them? Ask them if they would look after him. Give them the information they would need if anything happened to your son. Phone the hotel and ask what they use to wash bedding. if need be you could give sheets and a pillow case with him.
It really may just be a case of folks being a bit warey of being responsible for a child who has allergies. Perhaps your ex has tried his best and can only come up with the option he has given.
Even if you don't get on with ex's parents you should still give it a try.

Sambucus_Nigra

Dear Ex.

I am not being awkward. As you are having your wedding [congrats by the way ] on the same day as you always have Little One, and I always work that day [until 1am], and mother always babysits after 7 - I just can't come and get him. I did assume that he would be staying at the hotel with [other son's name] and he was looking forward to the great adventure. I'm at a loss now what to do - as I can't book any leave now due to a, b and c already being on their hols - I can't be in two places at once.


I'm sure if we chat tomorrow we could maybe try and find someone who could drop him at mum's at 7pm? Is there anyone there that won't be drinking that could run him over, or could he sleep in the hotel in a cot for the night and I'll pick him up at 8am?

Rebecca01

I am shocked the Grandparents and the mans family haven't taken a more active role in planning to care for your son, whether Lola is being 'awkward' or not. You would think they would want him there and care for him all day and night. Gosh I know most Grandparents I know would, as it is their sons special day , wouldnt they do this for their family?

I think everyone is at fault here, and the child is stuck in the middle. While lola, I do see why you are upset and can understand why it has got your back up. I agree with previous posters that you should grit your teeth and bear it.
I think the exes partner, is not pleasant for not wanting the child as part of the family and not going out of her way to make things easy for her soon to be husband. I have two step daughters who live 300 miles away, and when myself and their father get married. I wouldnt dream of the PWC arranging all the travel. We would pick them up and even have them with us and our daughter on our wedding night and the following week if we had to, and have our time later. However my partners parents would have them in their room over night as they actually care. Your poor childs dont seem to.

So Lola, let them have their day, its one day, and if they are unwelcoming again your son will soon learn this for himself. I think ,as someone else said, the main issue here is not the travel and care arrangements but the unwelcoming family.

cobbingstones

Hi Lola,

I can totally understand where you are coming from, however, I would make damn sure that my child was there with his dad on his big day. Even if it was just to pi** off the new wife. :-)

Hope you get it all sorted.

NuttyFaggot

"soo glad I got out of that relationship when I did, b4 I found out I was pregnant )

I am wondering if this is perhaps part of the problem. As the relationship had finished before you found out you were pregnant, the dad (and his family?) just wasn't involved and therefore has more of a bond with the child that he saw every day progress from a little bump, to a new born, to a toddler. You've also said, he is not legally the dad (which I don't understand, is he not on the birth certificate? If not, why not?) I'm not suggesting it is true but maybe, just maybe, he doesn't have the same bond with your son - nobodys fault, just the way it is.

Uni on a Saturday? Very different in England, the students wouldn't be able to attend after a Friday night!