his wedding, my son is barely invited.

MrsE_2

LolaLemon wrote: »

If it was at the weekend, their wouldn't be as much problems, as I would then be able to drop him off and maybe my dad would be able to pick him up at 7. As it is, my mum doesn't drive and THE ONLY PERSON WHO HAS SON FROM 3-7 IS HIS FATHER. don't know how to make that any clearer. My mum will be watching son from 7 as normal, that is not the issue.
Do u honestly think that I haven't tried to see if I can get someone who I trust to watch my son.

Lola, you can't force him to see his son & you can't force him to pick him up & drop him off at a time to suit you. I know that won't be what you want to hear, but its a fact.

My DDs father was much the same - worse actually.

The balls in your court, either you be difficult & he will see less or none of your son OR you be accommodating & your son will have some relationship with him.

One day your son will see it for what it is & make his own mind up about things.

mummyroysof3

sorry i realise stuff was the wrong term to use, what i mean is perhaps if his parents for example are watching the younger one they wont watch both so have no one to watch him. i understand why OP is upset and annoyed but its not an easy situation so not everyone is going to be happy whatever happens. in an ideal world perhaps they would have had reception nearer to home then OP child could have got to her mums later with no problems but when they planned their wedding they put themselves first and thats not wrong imo

eta...maybe he doesnt trust anyone to care for his son properly at the wedding due to the little boys alergies, OP not going to be happy if he gets hold of food he shouldnt have if a random family member is suposed to be watching him and didnt see him get it

euronorris

cord123 wrote: »

It isnt 'stuff for a 4 year old' it is care for his son! This isnt an extra guest we are talking about it is the mans son!
Words fail me.
He has had to arrange care for his other son so why not this son.... i am sorry to say I think I know why.... and I think the OP is well within her rights to be annoyed, upset, whatever with this man. As much as she has tried the man obviously views his child as an inconveniance at times.

I cant understand men like that- they give good dads a bad name!

I suspect it is more to do with his new wife to be, than him. But, he's letting it happen, so he's not innocent either.

I can see why the OP is annoyed, but...........being angry at him, and insisting that the Dad should do x, y or z isn't going to resolve the situation in a positive manner for her son.

So, hard as it is, the OP needs to bite her tongue, take a deep breath and try to find a compromise for the sake of their son. If that means taking the night off work, then so be it, but I still think a solution (like the one I suggested earlier) could work well.

If the ex still makes it difficult or impossible, then at least the OP can say 'I did everything I could to make that happen for my son.'.

fannyanna

I haven't read everything so apologies if I've missed some vital information.

My inital thoughts are that this is their wedding day. It's about your ex and his new partner. I think they are allowed to be selfish and put themselves first for such a special day.

I don't mean to sound rude but it's not really about your son. They've invited him to the wedding and are making him apart of it. Ok they're not bending over backwards to make him a core part of it but as I said before it's their wedding day.

cord123

euronorris wrote: »

I suspect it is more to do with his new wife to be, than him. But, he's letting it happen, so he's not innocent either.

I can see why the OP is annoyed, but...........being angry at him, and insisting that the Dad should do x, y or z isn't going to resolve the situation in a positive manner for her son.

So, hard as it is, the OP needs to bite her tongue, take a deep breath and try to find a compromise for the sake of their son. If that means taking the night off work, then so be it, but I still think a solution (like the one I suggested earlier) could work well.

If the ex still makes it difficult or impossible, then at least the OP can say 'I did everything I could to make that happen for my son.'.

:T As hard as it will be, i think this is the path to go down. As a pp said he will realise when he is older what his dad is like. Just smile, never bad mouth his dad to him and he will realise what a real parent is in you! xx

LolaLemon

mummyroysof3 wrote: »

im married and still refer to our children as my children so i dont think that is a problem that lola said that tbh

whats the main issue that he cant stay later? is is transport issue from his side or a childcare issue from yours?

It seems to be both.
Everyone at the wedding is not going to want to miss the wedding and an hour or 2 depending on traffic , round trip.
I have no child care until 7pm. Who is unable to drive, so can't go collect son.

tesuhoha

Sorry I just have to butt in. I think that there have been some very unfair comments made towards you on this thread. I can understand your anger.

However, to be honest I think it would be much easier for you and safer for him if you kept him at home. They sound like a very cold and unwelcoming family and it may be a good idea to cut ties before he's old enough to be really hurt by all this rejection.

Maybe try to get some vouchers or something from this forum and take him for a day out at a theme park when you have some free time.

newcook

to be honest I too think the best course of action would be to take an evenings holiday - my guess is that DS is going to be in need of lots of hugs and attention from you to take his mind off the fact he is missing the party.
plus you will get to spend quality time with DS which, forgive me if Im wrong, you have said you don’t get very often.

STOCKWIRE

LolaLemon wrote: »

Thank you. I love that you know oh soo much abt me. Can you tell me what benefits I should be milking, as I only get child tax credits and recently started getting working tax credits.
I'm sure their must be more that I'm missing out on, especially since I have worked since turning 15, being made redundant, going back to college before I got my final pay check, going to uni in the hope that I get a better paid job to keep a roof over our heads, going without food to make sure that the mortgage, travel, child care and son fed
So please enlighten me on this?

Never said milking only said happy to have them !!. This is nothing to do with a 4 year old its all to do with your feelings, he is just a pawn. Swap your shift, take a holiday and try to come up with a solution. Stop putting obstacles in the way and put your son first. Let the sperm donor have his day. I would not send my son somewhere where he is not wanted just for spite or to upset the apple cart !!

supermezzo

Probably going to upset some here with this, but I speak as that 4 your old child who was excluded and I wouldn't be exposing him to the day at all.
This child has already been sidelined in many respects (and the reasons why will not matter to the child yet) in terms of parties, and minimal contact with his biologocal Dad's family.
I just don't see what benefit it will be to the child to go to the wedding at all, other than to spend the afternoon with a load of people he barely knows and who so far, appear to want to little to do with him.
I'm afraid that I would be taking the flak and saying that he isn't going because it simply is not practical. If the biological Dad kicks up a stink (which frankly, it doesn't sound like he or the new wife to be will), then take it on the chin. Yes, you will be the villain of the piece at the time, but I think it should be worth it. Maybe write a letter to your son about it all and keep it safe til he is old enough to understand your actions and make his own mind up about it.
And as others have already said, don't bad mouth to him about it. He'll make his own mind up based on who he knows to trust as time goes on.