his wedding, my son is barely invited.

euronorris

As it is coinciding with a day that your ex usually has your son, why don't you suggest swapping days? ie, you agree to take time off work, drop off and pick up son on that day. In exchange, your ex agrees to pick him up and drop him off on another day so that a) your son can be there for longer, b) it may remove all the arguments (and potential arguments) c) you won't need to pay out for childcare d) your son will get another day with his father.

If they aren't keen on the idea, you can just explain (not tell, explain) calmly that, whilst you want to be accomodating as you want your son to be there, you simply cannot afford the extra childcare or time off work, and you are suggesting this as a compromise.

Hope that helps. x

mummyroysof3

cord123 wrote: »

I dont understand why he would be unattended!? It is a FAMILY wedding so FAMILY members should look after him! I doubt very much that his new son will be strapped to him all day!
They are both HIS children! I honestly cant understand why the two little boys should be treated differently!

i agree surely a member of his dads family can be in charge of looking after the little boy while his dad is otherwise busy at his own wedding, i got impression though its more about that he cant stay overnight and no one can bring him 60 mile home later in evening

mummyroysof3

having said that im attending my sisters wedding soon with 3 children aged 2, 4 and 6 and dreading the practicalities of it so if arranging stuff for a 4 year old is just too much organising for his dad on top of everything else i can see why it might be a problem for him.

LolaLemon

Mupette wrote: »

Well for a start your title of this thread, MY son, the child is both your son.

It's a hard life as i have said and you choose to ignore i have been there.

Unlike you i didn't have any family support,
Worked all hours i could do, didn't see much of my son, relied on nursery and childminders.

You are so angry right now that your not thinking logically (been there too)

Yes I am angry, not at him, but at silly comments like 'score points'& 'playing games' when I have never used my son like that.

I'm sorry I didn't put much thought into the name of the thread, but legally, my child only has one parent, so technically I am correct in saying MY son, oh and sperm donor too.
Their is nothing legal to say that I have to allow my son to send time with him, but j do, as I think he should know his father, and his fathers side of the family. Just a pity that they only want the absolute bare minimum. It was only to be an hour on a Friday, and the only way that got increased was because I went n picked son up at his parents house and said that he either increased sons maintenance money to cover child care or he kept him for 3 hours, this was all said infront of his parents, and so far, he hadn't went back on his word.
It is a sad state of affairs where I have to arrange things with others present so that my son can spend time with his brother.

I'm unsure as to why I have to acknowledge that u have been a single parent, with your own single parents issues, when I was asking for help in bringing up the subject without it looking as if I am trying to ruin their day - which I am not. I would like son to go, have fun and share in all the other kids enjoyment.

LegalBlonde

Wow, even if the moderator hadn't posted, I could tell when this had moved to the arms. The above in particular is way harsh!

Mojisola

LolaLemon wrote: »

This week I got a text telling me of the plans for son, and the date of the wedding.
He is to be picked up at 11 and will get dropped off at 3pm.
I am absolutely livid on my sons behalf. He is not invited for the meal, nor for the party.
Yet his 2 nieces are invited, some of his friends kids are invited their son is going to be their. AND THEY ARE ALL STAYING OVER!

LolaLemon wrote: »

It's been 2 years in the planning, at first son was to be 'the star of the show' and be the page boy, stay over at hotel with them... etc... in the mean time, they had a son and a few weeks ago he was supposed to pick son up for his all day access (once a month) and said he would be late, as him and the boys where going to get kilts fitted, I said would it not be best if son went then too, and he said son won't wearing a kilt, I asked what he us to wear then and he said 'whatever u put on him' whilst their nearly 1 year old is page boy. Fair enough, their wedding, but to be soo blatant with how different he treats them , is a bit of a shock, even coming from him.

mummyroysof3 wrote: »

having said that im attending my sisters wedding soon with 3 children aged 2, 4 and 6 and dreading the practicalities of it so if arranging stuff for a 4 year old is just too much organising for his dad on top of everything else i can see why it might be a problem for him.

It would upset me on my son's behalf if I was the OP. Why should one of this man's sons be treated so differently to his other son and nieces and friends' children?

With so many of the child's relatives at the wedding, caring for him can't be beyond organising. They must have made some arrangements for their little one to be looked after but can't be bothered to do the same for his first born?

i_wanna_save_money!

It sounds to be like his new wife to be is pushing your son out of your ex's life and he is unfortunately allowing it. If the plan all along was for your son to stay over, and to take part in the wedding party by wearing a kilt etc but now he is not and just their son will now be wearing the kilt, then it is obvious that someone is pushing him aside. I feel sorry for your son and can understand the hurt you are feeling on his behalf.

LolaLemon

flutterby_lil wrote: »

Your son can't be a full member of that side of the family as he lives with you. He is involved, hence being invited to the wedding at all. Would you have complained they had done it on a weekend he wasnt with dad, saying he is not involved and not loved etc. They have done it on a weekend when he is with them and still can't win.

Can your mum not look after him at 7 like she normally does?

It looks to me that you are very jealous and are thinking of every excuse to stop him going at all. Be the bigger person, your son would love to be there "on show" on his dads wedding. Bite the bullet, make arrangements for auntie, sister, grandma, uncle, brother, best friend, etc to look after him just this once from 3pm til 7pm when your mum would normally have him anyway?

Don't see the problem.

If it was at the weekend, their wouldn't be as much problems, as I would then be able to drop him off and maybe my dad would be able to pick him up at 7. As it is, my mum doesn't drive and THE ONLY PERSON WHO HAS SON FROM 3-7 IS HIS FATHER. don't know how to make that any clearer. My mum will be watching son from 7 as normal, that is not the issue.
Do u honestly think that I haven't tried to see if I can get someone who I trust to watch my son.

scheming_gypsy

Lola,

The problem isn't going to be that your ex doesn't want him there or x, y and z but there's an extra person in all of this.... His soon to be wife. It isn't all about what he wants, what you want and what your lad wants but also about her as well.
If you're dealing with him and he's giving it all 'blah blah blah' to her then it's going to come across as you being difficult and it seems like he's trying to do what he can (having somebody drop him off).

The only solution really is for you to find somebody who you trust to pick your son up. Your ex obviously can't as he's at his own wedding and you can't expect him to ask one of his friends or family to not drink so they can drop the lad off at the most convenient time for you, especially if he isn't telling his missus everything apart from the cut down version.
Obviously staying over isn't possible with the allergy issue, but you can't expect them to come up with all the answers you all need to find a way for him to get home / to a sitters at a time where he doesn't miss out.

cord123

mummyroysof3 wrote: »

having said that im attending my sisters wedding soon with 3 children aged 2, 4 and 6 and dreading the practicalities of it so if arranging stuff for a 4 year old is just too much organising for his dad on top of everything else i can see why it might be a problem for him.

It isnt 'stuff for a 4 year old' it is care for his son! This isnt an extra guest we are talking about it is the mans son!
Words fail me.
He has had to arrange care for his other son so why not this son.... i am sorry to say I think I know why.... and I think the OP is well within her rights to be annoyed, upset, whatever with this man. As much as she has tried the man obviously views his child as an inconveniance at times.

I cant understand men like that- they give good dads a bad name!