his wedding, my son is barely invited.

LolaLemon

3v3 wrote: »

Seems to me he altered the time to 3pm because his original plan of 7pm wasn't acceptable to you? If 3pm is the only time he is able to have son dropped off (which means someone else from the wedding will also be inconvenienced) then it is hardly your X's fault that your son won't be able to attend the meal or party (which the person kind enough to offer to drop-off at 3pm will presumably also miss the meal?)



A thought to bear in mind too: you refer to his Dad as "sperm donor", yet, your son does have access to his father (maybe not ideal, or your ideal) but many children do not.


I really hope you find a solution (you did say earlier that you would be letting him go so you must have some idea how you'll achieve that).

They are having the service in chapel in next town (10mins in car from mine) service will b finished and everyone on buses to go to the next venue. Person dropping son off will not miss meal, as he is dropping my son of, with his 2 kids and then going to where the family pictures are being taken.

Yes I did call him sperm donor, its a lot better than a**hole, w*nker, di**head. Or using his name, for strangers to check him out and do what strangers can via the internet. It does also portrait him more as the type of father he is, than the one he should be.

LolaLemon

Mupette wrote: »

rather than take it out on us... look at your options.

First off it is obvious you do not get on well with your ex and his family, fair enough...

But what would be better is to stop scoring points at each other, he may be the 'sperm doner' but you were happy to oblige at the time..
(yes i know it's never your fault)


You should be looking at ways to work togther, Your son is 4, give it 10 years he may decide he doesn't want to see his dad anymore, or worse he may decide he doesn't want to live with you.


Calmly talk to the father explain your problem of uni and work..
you don't talk about your own family, any parents or siblings or friends that might be able to help with childcare, who normally looks after your son when you are at uni or work?

I've been there seen it done it got the tshirt etc, so i know how difficult it can be, unfortunately PWC has to make sacrifices.. that's how it is, the absent parent sometimes doesnt know or care.. its life get over it..

Your child is not part of the game. Stop playing games, and yes not just you your ex should stop too, but he won't whilst you are still playing it too

In what way am I trying to score points?
I work Friday and Saturday nights, in a pub, as its the only time I have any child care. Whilst I am at uni, my son goes to 2 nurseries, and one also has after school care, thankfully my son is happy at all 3 sessions, it is long days as I am normally on the train as the place closes, and they wait til I get their (I then give that member of staff a lift home as a thank-you) Monday to Thursday I barely see my son, we get up, get washed ready and breakfast, go to nursery, I then get the train for an hour, so I can study, on way home I study on train, pick up son, make dinner bed time story then bed, and unless I'm writing an essay, I go to bed too. Friday I drop son at nursery ,his father picks him up, keeps him till 7 and drops him off at my mums, who got her hours changed at work so she can be home for son. I finish work.at half 1 most weeks, unless their has been an 18th birthday party, and then it is more around 2.30/3am due to the amount of cleaning up needed upstairs, where I don't even work, but as I am the only one on who can lock up, its quicker if I help. I then go home, set my alarm for 6.30 and head to my mums to be their for.son, as mum works at 7. My dad works constantly.(taxi driver) I take son out on Saturdays and drop him off at 5.45 so I can get to work. Pick son up at 7am again. I take son swimming on Sundays and we go shopping then too.
I have asked sons father to help out more, he initially agreed to help more, he gave me times he could take son, I went to work with these days n times, they where working out a shift to help me, when he tells me that the Mrs says no. Can't argue with that. So I work.around what options I have.

I have never played games that involve my son. Ever. So please, do not accuse me of something that u, yourself, may or may not have done.

Mupette

Well for a start your title of this thread, MY son, the child is both your son.

It's a hard life as i have said and you choose to ignore i have been there.

Unlike you i didn't have any family support,
Worked all hours i could do, didn't see much of my son, relied on nursery and childminders.

You are so angry right now that your not thinking logically (been there too)

Reverbe

Isnt the key word here sperm donor?The man has been described as sperm donor rather than sons father. I thought sperm donors only "parental" responsibility was the initial deposit.In that case then why should you feel your child must be a part of their life and attend their family functions? :undecided

Kimitatsu

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LolaLemon

PlayingHardball wrote: »

Hiya, if you are looking for others opinions, I'll give you mine...hope you don't mind. I personally wouldn't bother, nor put myself out to encourage son/father relationship. Your ex has obviously moved on, and many men seem only too capable of turning their backs on children from 1st relationships when they move on into another relationship/children, as in my ex's case (albeit, our child was 14 at the time), very painful for her indeed as she had been used to a 'doting dad'.

Don't do what i did, race back and forth to airports to get daughter to spend time with Dad, I soon realised he wasn't even putting any effort in himself when on the last occaision she wasn't allowed to board the plane as he didn't read the find print. (she was 15 but not allowed to fly unaccompanied). That is only one example of what I did to help him maintain contact. And like you, I could certainly not afford to put myself out in petrol or time off work, etc. (but I did!)

Your son is only 4, I think you should shield him from the obvious 'disinterest' that your ex is displaying in him in every way possible. (I don't mean restrict visits, I abhor PWC's who do that). What I mean is, don't bother pushing it (him staying overnight, being the page/boy, etc) Just let things happen, your ex has made himself quite clear. Leave him and his new life 'to it'.

Hopefully you'll meet someone else and your little boy will grow up in a loving family, as often happens.

The one thing I would do though, is make sure you receive every penny of child support that you are entitled to for your son. Just because your ex doesn't want a very active part in your son's life, doesn't negate his financial responsibilities!

Good luck...move on

Thank you.

I had previously ran around to keep contact going. But he stood us up that many times I lost count.


I have started go see a guy, which I met in work. He did live in america, went back called me every week, was not due to come home till October for a wedding, but has now moved home, as 'he wants to be with me' , his words. Me I am scared, as I haven't had a relationship for years, I don't get babysitters very often, as I use up all my babysitting when at work. Sometimes he will come to mine after son is in bed for an hour or 2 after he has finished work. As much as I am taking it slow, due to babysitters, I am also not rushing son into this, they have met twice, once I was out at a field playing football and he had finished early, so came by for half an hour and the second time 6 weeks later, we went out for something to eat by the waterfront, skimmed stones, ran from the seagulls etc lol.


You are correct in your other post. I am hurt on sons behalf. I really don't care what he does, as long as it does not affect son. This will. His brother is going all day. His cousins are their all day, they will talk abt the party, same party my son is not invited to. Son was supposed to stay over, but somewhere over past year, he has been excluded. And that hurts.
I had to actually ask when the wedding was, as my mum was looking to book a weekend at a caravan park in Sept, and I didn't want it being same weekend, and he said he would let me know after he spoke to the Mrs. Sad that he can't speak for himself, but its the life he wants, just a pity it will affect my son.

Judith_W

Not read all the posts but personally I would day to him, 'Its fine that he leaves the wedding at 3 but I hope you have arranged someone to look after him as it is your day to have him and I'm not around to look after him. If you would like to pay for his childcare I'll arrange it if you prefer.'

mummyroysof3

this seems like a very difficult situation, its a shame that your son for whatever reason cant attend the party after the wedding but if timings etc dont wor out then there doesnt seem there is much you can do about it tbh if they cant have him overnight and only time someone can bring him back to you is before the party then it looks like that is what will have to happen

LolaLemon

Reverbe wrote: »

Isnt the key word here sperm donor?The man has been described as sperm donor rather than sons father. I thought sperm donors only "parental" responsibility was the initial deposit.In that case then why should you feel your child must be a part of their life and attend their family functions? :undecided

I have already explained the sperm donor comment.

I would rather my son was either a full member of that side of his family or no part at all, as being on the sidelines is a lot worse than those two options.
I don't feel my child should be a part of their life and attend their family functions, I just assumed that's what families did. They invite their family members to family functions. Obviously I must be wrong.

WestonDave

My (no doubt unpopular) opinion is that if this is such a once in a lifetime occasion for your son (i.e. his father getting married which will hopefully not happen that often), then yes you should be putting yourself out to enable him to be there. To some degree so should his father but most people not unreasonably expect to be the centre of attention on their wedding day rather than running around after other people.

You are in paid employment and entitled to paid leave so if you have a day off you won't lose out financially. Use a days paid leave for this for your sons benefit, take him at the appropriate time and be ready to collect him at the relevant time. In a competition to see who can be the most petty, no-one wins but the poor kid is the out right loser.

If on the other hand you aren't really that bothered that he is missing out and will be upset about it, then carry on using it as something to beat the ex about.