his wedding, my son is barely invited.

cord123

I honestly cant understand some poeples attitudes here!
The OP doesnt have to put herself out at all by missing work etc and incurring the cost by doing this. Will she get her petrol paid for all the running around that they would expect her to do if she were to go and pick him up.
He sounds exactly like a sperm donor!
My husband has two daughter from a previous relationship and wouldnt have dreamt about having a wedding day that they werent involved in! We even had his ex's daughter (to whom he isnt the dad) as bridesmaid as well as he had been with her mum 6 years and wanted her to know he was still there for her.
We didnt ask my ex to do any running around at all, my husbands step daugher stayed at our house with me and my sisters and the younger two (his real daughters) stayed at his mums with him. Then in the evening the ex kindly offered to come and get them but we were more than prepared to pay for a room for his mum and daughters to stay in. And yes, we do have a son together but I would never ever push the girls out for him!

At the end of the day, the new wife knew your son was around and is marrying the dad anyway, in my eyes that means that she is agreeing to play a role in this little boys life. If she cant be bothered to so something so little as change the washing powder I wouldnt have any time for her at all!

As for a PP saying that the OP said 'my' not 'our' why would she say 'our' when they arent in a couple anymore..... nit picking for the sake of it!

If I were you I would count your blessings you arent still with this waste of space and find him a proper daddy who will want him around all the time :-)

Dont listen to posters on here that give you grief, yes you are upset but i know it isnt jealousy, it is for your son! xxx

Reverbe

Lola you cant blame him for not wanting an unattended infant running round at his wedding ..

jess1974

My ex husband remarried a year or so after i left him, my 2 sons did'nt get invited to any part of his wedding, despite me offering to pick up, drop of etc, my boys were around 5 and 6 at the time, i will never forgive him for that, thankfully my now hubby has more than made up for there dad being a !!!!......

Reverbe

cord123 wrote: »

As for a PP saying that the OP said 'my' not 'our' why would she say 'our' when they arent in a couple anymore..... nit picking for the sake of it!

I

It's not nit picking. As the sperm donor comment has now been explained the child still has 2 parents alive whether or not they are in a couple or not.

flutterby_lil

Your son can't be a full member of that side of the family as he lives with you. He is involved, hence being invited to the wedding at all. Would you have complained they had done it on a weekend he wasnt with dad, saying he is not involved and not loved etc. They have done it on a weekend when he is with them and still can't win.

Can your mum not look after him at 7 like she normally does?

It looks to me that you are very jealous and are thinking of every excuse to stop him going at all. Be the bigger person, your son would love to be there "on show" on his dads wedding. Bite the bullet, make arrangements for auntie, sister, grandma, uncle, brother, best friend, etc to look after him just this once from 3pm til 7pm when your mum would normally have him anyway?

Don't see the problem.

cord123

WestonDave wrote: »

My (no doubt unpopular) opinion is that if this is such a once in a lifetime occasion for your son (i.e. his father getting married which will hopefully not happen that often), then yes you should be putting yourself out to enable him to be there. To some degree so should his father but most people not unreasonably expect to be the centre of attention on their wedding day rather than running around after other people.

You are in paid employment and entitled to paid leave so if you have a day off you won't lose out financially. Use a days paid leave for this for your sons benefit, take him at the appropriate time and be ready to collect him at the relevant time. In a competition to see who can be the most petty, no-one wins but the poor kid is the out right loser.

If on the other hand you aren't really that bothered that he is missing out and will be upset about it, then carry on using it as something to beat the ex about.

I think that is totally unfair - a) why waste a days holiday when it may be needed for something more important in the future.... b) can you see the 'dad' doing all the running around if and when the OP decides to get married - NO.

I dont think she is using it as anything to beat the ex about. This little boy is his son, as is the little boy he has with his wife to be - they should both be treated as brothers ie. exactly the same. I have been in both scenarios, ie. I have been the stepmum marrying the dad and also, the child watching my dad remarry. My half brother and sister were bridesmaid and page boy for my dad but non of my real bro's and sisters were asked, we were so upset and at 4 he will start to realise that he isnt treated the same as daddys other son.

I just feel for this little boy

Emmzi

even if it choked me and I'd be on beans on toast for a fortnight I'd take a day off work and fork out for a hire car. I'd even offer to come to the wedding to look after son.

Be the bigger person.

mummyroysof3

im married and still refer to our children as my children so i dont think that is a problem that lola said that tbh

whats the main issue that he cant stay later? is is transport issue from his side or a childcare issue from yours?

cord123

Reverbe wrote: »

Lola you cant blame him for not wanting an unattended infant running round at his wedding ..

I dont understand why he would be unattended!? It is a FAMILY wedding so FAMILY members should look after him! I doubt very much that his new son will be strapped to him all day!
They are both HIS children! I honestly cant understand why the two little boys should be treated differently!

WestonDave

cord123 wrote: »

I think that is totally unfair - a) why waste a days holiday when it may be needed for something more important in the future.... b) can you see the 'dad' doing all the running around if and when the OP decides to get married - NO.

I dont think she is using it as anything to beat the ex about. This little boy is his son, as is the little boy he has with his wife to be - they should both be treated as brothers ie. exactly the same. I have been in both scenarios, ie. I have been the stepmum marrying the dad and also, the child watching my dad remarry. My half brother and sister were bridesmaid and page boy for my dad but non of my real bro's and sisters were asked, we were so upset and at 4 he will start to realise that he isnt treated the same as daddys other son.

I just feel for this little boy

Clearly you don't feel for the little boy because if you did you would be suggesting that his interests (i.e. someone making sure he gets to join in the wedding) are seen to. Instead he is the central figure in a competition to see who can do the least to help. There are people in my family I don't want to spend time with, but for my kids sake, so they get a fair chance to meet their family, I keep it zipped, bite my tongue and put their interests before mine. Whether the ex is as helpful to his son in the future is irrelevant - that's for him to work out where his priorities lie. Mine would be putting my kid first rather than saving my holiday for a day out for me.